[Dee1234]

Hi,
We are being considered for a sibling group of two girls, early school age (5 & 6). We already know they were removed from their birth home a few years ago, due to abuse and neglect. They have some developmental issues, including speech and motor delays. We are supposed to get their case reports in the next few days to review. We have some concerns over whether or not they will be able to form attachments and how serious their emotional problems will be. What should we be looking for in their reports?

I would also like to hear from those of you who have successfully adopted children from foster care and what challenges you faced.

Thanks in advance for your feedback!

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

Hi Dee,

We are in the process of adopting our 2 foster babies that we've had for 2 years TODAY!!! Our oldest is now 3. She came to us very angry and still had a nasty temper. Her mom is bi-polar and we thought maybe that's what we see in her. When I spoke to the pediatrician about it she feels it may be an attachment disorder so she's sending us to Columbus Childrens Hospital to have her evaluated.

Some kids that are in foster care definitely do have Reactive Attachment Disorder, PTSD, and a host of other diagnoses. My advice would be to just read the reports carefully and make a decision based on what is said there. We had to turn down a placement for a 12 year old girl after receiving her info and found out she had attempted suicide and was still acting out sexually. These were behaviors I did not feel we were ready to handle. The children do not know that the are being looked at until after you have read their reports, agreed to go to the next step, which is a meeting with everyone involved with these kids. At that meeting you can ask further questions, receive any additional information, etc. After that meeting you are again given an opportunity to decide if you feel they and you would be a good fit. After you say yes they will start visits VERY SLOWLY and slowly work them up until the children are in your home.

We currently have 4 foster kids altogether. The 15 y/o is the oldest sibling of the 2 and 3 y/o we're adopting. He has ADHD and obsessive behaviors (all managable). Our 2 y/o has severe milk and milk protein allergies and doesn't sleep through the night (we've had him since he was weeks old). We believe he, too, is hyperactive as well as his sister, our 3 y/o. And finally we have a 19 month old medically fragile baby. He's been with us for 8 months and has been hospitalized 9 times (we were just discharged yesteray).

Finally, all I want you to know is that the children that come to us in care CAN AND DO adjust very well to their adoptive homes! I can't guarantee that ALL OF THEM do but a good majority of them make the adjustment well. It may take you time and a lot of patience but it definitely can be done.

Good luck and please keep me posted. I'm sorry this went on so long but I hope this info helps you in some way.

Michelle

[roxanna425]

RAD is not a permanent diagnosis. children with RAD with the appropriate parents (there's lots to read aobut this) can make giant progress and do well. i got kids with developmental delays PTSD and horrible temper tantrums they called RAD but I worked on it and they are wonderful and bonded and great kids. read the file but the file is not everything about them.

[Dmommab]

Michelle - Are you from near the Columbus Ohio area? Just wondering as I'm from Xenia Ohio near Columbus & have 3 foster children thru Franklin County Childrens Services. Our youngest (20 months) adoption will be final on Wednesday. The 4 year old that we have has been diag. ADHD, bipolar & has many sensory issues as well.

[roxanna425]

what I MEANT to say is that you cannot check the child for RAD from a file unless they have many filed placements. that would be a clue. you also cannot tell about thier resiliency, or their spirit. these you can only tell once you have spent time with the child. sorry, you can only see BIG red flags in the file. the little ones are all with the child.

[GoddessDanu]

I had posted this on the older child board but I realize that this might also be useful here too.

Great article. I just wanted to share:

15 Questions for an Older Child Adoption

Here are the questions:
1. What is the number of placements child has had; how long they lasted, why they disrupted. (Usually folks are uneasy to disclose the ‘why’….but I’d really try to find out!)

2. Permission (and I’ve done this w/o permission too) to contact past foster parents. (This info can prove to be INVALUABLE…and most foster parents will gladly provide info as to the ‘why’)

3. “Why” didn’t past foster parents adopt this child?

4. At what age was the child ‘removed from the biological home’..what type of pre-natal care (especially drug use, etc), what’s the situation with any siblings (adoption, prenatal drug use, residential care, etc.?)

5. What kind of medication is the child on NOW….and what types has the child been on previously? (Also, what types of diagnoses has this child been given in the past, by what type of professional (psychiatrist, psychologist, or your ‘mental health counselor’ who suspects something?)

6. What prompted termination? Did either parent voluntarily surrender and ‘why’? Try to get the psychologicals on the birthparents. (In some places, this is a ‘no-no’…but we’ve been given these before w/o asking. Many psychological traits have a genetic pre-disposition.)

7. Where are the biologicals now? Are there relatives in the area near you, and any chance they’ll be a problem?

8. What kinds of hospitalization (especially ER) has this child had? tests, etc. If so, you’d like the paperwork!

9. What’s this child been told about adoption? Does this child lament for his/her biological family?

10. What type of relationship did this child have with birthparents? ie, was this child forced into being the ‘parent’ because parents were unable to be just that? Did this child have to take care of younger, older sibs?

11. How does this child perceive him/herself? Is she self-centered? Does she share well? (And I don’t care how old the child is….this may still be a problem.)

12. Has or has this child EVER had a diagnoses of RAD (reactive attachmentdisorder)…or ANY type of attachment disorder? How has ‘the system’ helped this child deal with this? (Holdings, play therapy, etc.)

13. How long has this child been in therapy, and what types have been used?

14. Does this child act out sexually? If not now, EVER? And IF ever, how and how long since the last time?

15. And…one of the most IMPORTANT questions we think you should ask YOURSELF: “If this child were to get NO better after being in our home, could we handle his/herbehaviors ‘just as they are, NOW’……as if there would be NO improvement, etc. I think this is important, as classes continually say that ‘this child just needs some loveand attention and permanancy, and you’ll see how much improvement this child will make!!!” This DOESN’T ALWAYS happen, and is a point to consider when taking on special needs children.