[wonderingkatie84]

I'm a 23 year old adoptee, and as involved as I try to be with the adoption community, I always feel like I'm on the outside. I mean, I'm only 23 yet other than my younger adopted sister, I can't help but feel isolated since I seem to find very little posted/written or anything else fromor about people around my age who don't have open adoptions. For not having been an abandoned child, I have extremely minimal information on my birthparents, something which I thought was fairly common in my age group for adoptees until I felt I needed and started seeking support in places like this forum. Don't get me wrong-I deeply appreciate all the support and feedback I get from any other members of the triad. Like in so many other things in life, it can be a source of comfort, relief, and sometimes necessary pain to know that others have survived similar experiences, and to learn from that. I don't know, maybe I'm just wallowing in my own identity crisis,(I like to think we all do this at some points because I really don't think my circumstances are very unique) but I just feel extremely isolated since, like I said earlier, I have yet to run across any blogs or anything of people my age(or close to) who really have no info about their birthparents/or other birthfamily beyond a vague physical description and even more vague medical info going back more than one generation. Honestly, I'd really just love to have thoughts or feedback or contact or anything with adoptees in similar situations who are around my age (late teens to late 20s). Search tips are especially welcome since I *very* recently decided to seriously start looking for any birth-relatives. Thanks in advance for everyone's support and feedback! More than anything I like knowing that I'm not alone. Regardless of how sad or painful someone's story, I think it's nice to know there are other people who have had similar experiences. The search for identity and belonging is no doubt important, but if that has to be delayed, it's nice to find a support community like this one.

[cetalley]

Wonderingkatie, Hello, I am a firstmom(bmom)and I relinquished my twin sons, whom are 22 now. I have no info on them including where they might be. In my case , I wonder if males your age are as willing to want contact with their first mom? I have recently hired a C.I. to help me locate them. I have to write them a letter so, in the case they do not want contact, they will at least have my letter. I would like think the reason you feel like your are "outside looking in", is because you have the need to KNOW who you are,JMO. If I may, would you mind telling me what you might like in a letter from your first mom....if you can't I understand. This letter I have to write can not contain any identifing info. So to me this will only come accross as "cold"...what do you think, you are just a year older than my twin sons. Every person NEEDS to know where they came from and who they are...it is that bond between mother and child..it will never go away...what you do with that bond after reuniting is another story. Are your parents helpful in helping you with reunion? what is your relationship with them? Just curious...you need not answer any of these issues, but would appreciate knowing more from an adoptee, that are close in age to my sons. I wish you inner peace and a happy journey...

[Seraphyna]

I know how you feel. I'm 22 and just started by search for my birth mother. So far I've been told that registering for ISRR - International Soundex Reunion Registry - FREE is a good place to start as well as registering with your state (states have adoption registries that you can add yourself to). Other than that I've joined 2 yahoo groups so far for adoptees and am looking for a support group in my area. I wish you the best of luck in your search and you're more than welcome to message, IM, etc. anytime.

[gigglessa]

check out this blog
Living The Dash
I think you might enjoy it.
she young like you and reunited. Maybe you can relate to her.

[darknight9]

u should try Search People, Find Classmates, Find Friends, People Search - Reunion.com that how i found my nsibs. um mine was a closed adoption. It been a yr since then so i'm 19 now

AIM me at- imaniravon - for any ?s u should find my posts on here.

[hrisme]

I'm a couple years older than you & have been reunited, but I can certainly understand where you are right now. Prior to searching I had no medical history whatsoever and it turns out most of the other information I had been given was flat out wrong. I would be glad to converse with you on the boards or via PM if you would prefer.

[c_adoptee]

I just wanted to say that you might be able to locate birth side through Adoption search finders. Mine was closed adoption as well..no information except physical description, and medical history. No name, no nothing. My adoptive mom helped me, but she knew someone in adoption search finders. It was 9 yrs ago..but I filled out paperwork from adoption search finders, notarized it, and then they found her for me. I don't know how they did it, but they were accurate..and found her within 2wks. Not sure if thats still around or not. I hope that helps you.

[darknight9]

nice post. I read the blog Living The Dash and wanted to cry.

[ColleenKM]

How was it meeting your birthparents?

[hurtingbdaughter]

Hey there. I too had a closed adoption and I'm a little older than you. I'm 31 but I remember what it felt like to not have any information on my bio family. When I was your age I was really just beginning to deal with the abandonment issues that I had and I was just beginning to identify the fact that I really wanted to find my bio mother because of medical reasons.

One thing that I'ld like to suggest to you when you're reading posts here is to look for the similarities not the differences. It's so easy to think that we are unique and that no one can possibly understand what we're going through, but if we can find just one similarity sometimes it makes us feel less alone.

Like I said before, I do know where you're coming from because I've been there. Our stories may be a little different but I bet a lot of our feelings about the stories are the same. If you want to talk feel free to send me a messege

[Susanlee65]

Katie - I'm not in your age group, but I feel that (as women) I'm still that same girl I was back then, with the same issues and longings. I only had the adoption agency name to go by, my hospital and date of birth, that's it. I found out on the agency's website that I was entitled to "non-identifying" information from them and they sent it right away. I found out a LOT!! Two single spaced typed pages worth!! If you happen to know what hospital you were born in, write to them asking for your birth records for medical reasons. There is also a piece of paper called the "final decree of adoption" that was issued to your adoptive parents where your name was changed and the adoption finalized. When I sent away for my "final decree", I got my birthmother's maiden name right off it!! I was thrilled! And that was all I needed to proceed. On the hospital records they too failed to white out her identifying information and I even found out her entire name, first and last, and her known address at the time!! So, all this is to say, even if you were involved in a "closed" adoption, it doesn't mean that the semi-unconscious people that send you your paperwork will be smart enough to white out the pertinent information YOU NEED!!! It could happen to you too!

Check out every book from the library on searching, every website you have time to look at. ISSR is a good registry as is any one in the state you were born in. I was born in NYC - and if I can find my parents (both) in a city that large, I think anyone can!! You can also be creative in the way you deal with the agency by asking questions that can get more info out of them than they are allowed to give. I asked my social worker at the agency if my Father's name was "trendy or traditional" and she said, "hmmm....It could be a presidential name..." which led me to find out my Father's first name! It NEVER hurts to ask. Then I was able to cross-reference him on Classmates with the year I figured he graduated, based on the info from the non-identifying information the agency sent.

I agree with the other post where she mentioned that it's important to find similarities with other adoptees and build on that. You can learn SO much here and other sites and become more prepared than if you go it alone. It's also helpful to have a friend support you so you're able to share stuff as it comes up.

I'm 44 next month and I wish i had searched at 23 - I would've figured out alot of things about myself which I think would've helped in my parenting my own kids. I was 35, with a 2 and 5 year old! Those poor kids had to deal with a "checked out" Mom for a while as I dealt with the emotions of search and reunion. The outcome was very, very good and I'm happy I went thru with it while everyone was still alive and well!
Much success, Susan Lee