[BrandyHagz]

Adoption.com is happy to announce a new addition to our forums devoted solely to stories, which can be posted by Birthparents and Adoptees who have positive adoption stories. These are non-discussion forums, where birthparent and adoptee members can post their positive adoption stories without discussion/debate/rebuttal from others.

With all of the recent media coverage surrounding Roe V. Wade, we thought this would be a great place for women who didn’t chose abortion, but rather, chose adoption for their child to share their positive adoption stories with our members.

Also, those most impacted by that decision are encouraged to share their positive adoption stories in our “She Chose Adoption” section. Who better to speak about how this choice to choose adoption over abortion than those most impacted by the decision?

Because of the nature of the project, we will require that all submitted stories be approved before they are posted openly to the forums. Simply click on Post Thread, and then submit your story when you’re done. Once you’ve submitted your story, it will automatically be sent to a queue for approval. Once your story is approved, it will be posted.

The purpose of this project is not to advocate adoption over parenting, but rather, adoption over abortion! It is, of course, normal for most birthparents to wish they hadn’t been put into the position to choose adoption; however, there was a reason adoption was the choice over abortion, and we’d like to hear your stories about why you made that choice.

[bmg86]

I hear often that families don't get to choose who they're related to, it was pre-determined. My family however was chosen for me and I could not be more blessed. I have never wanted for anything among my adoptive parents and their families (my family). I have not wanted for materialism, support, fun, encouragement, and most importantly love. With all these i attribute my fulfilling life. Now I don't want this to seem as picture perfect; my family has had hard times, and like many adoptees i have struggled with the common questions of why? how come? and did she ever love me? But through of all my self questioning, my family has remained steady, supportive, and loving. My adoptive mother is my Mother, she has stayed up with me when i am sick, disciplined me when i needed it, loved me uncondtionally and always been there to back my play. My adoptive father has taught me many lessons of life, and how to be the best human being. For each of these things from both of them. I am who I am today. And I thank my biological mother for giving me the blessing and gift of my parents.

[lglysson]

Thank you for starting this portion of your website. It will really benefit many!!

[deniserod79]

Hi I'm a birthmom to a 15 year old boy and I was wondering if anyone has ever wanted to meet there birthmother. Because I've been counting down the day's until I can meet him again.

[missing75time]

Originally Posted by BrandyHagz

Adoption.com is happy to announce a new addition to our forums devoted solely to stories, which can be posted by Birthparents and Adoptees who have positive adoption stories. These are non-discussion forums, where birthparent and adoptee members can post their positive adoption stories without discussion/debate/rebuttal from others.

With all of the recent media coverage surrounding Roe V. Wade, we thought this would be a great place for women who didn’t chose abortion, but rather, chose adoption for their child to share their positive adoption stories with our members.

Also, those most impacted by that decision are encouraged to share their positive adoption stories in our “She Chose Adoption” section. Who better to speak about how this choice to choose adoption over abortion than those most impacted by the decision?

Because of the nature of the project, we will require that all submitted stories be approved before they are posted openly to the forums. Simply click on Post Thread, and then submit your story when you’re done. Once you’ve submitted your story, it will automatically be sent to a queue for approval. Once your story is approved, it will be posted.

The purpose of this project is not to advocate adoption over parenting, but rather, adoption over abortion! It is, of course, normal for most birthparents to wish they hadn’t been put into the position to choose adoption; however, there was a reason adoption was the choice over abortion, and we’d like to hear your stories about why you made that choice.

I've been utilizing the forums here for a couple months now. As an adult adoptee, mostly I stick with the search and reunion section, but I've been viewing some of the other forums/sub-forums.

Some of the posts I have found truely disturbing, terms like "gotcha day", some of the issues raised by international adoption, and other ideas and/or views which present adoption from such a slanted point of view to a-parents, at the expense of degrading, demeaning, and forever keeping the adoptee within the realm of being a child; yet refrained from posting to or responding, in accordance with the forums being pro-adoption.

However, I am offended at the very idea of this particular sub-forum: I Chose Adoption and She Chose Adoption Call for Positive Adoption Stories.

First and foremost, as categorized under the Adult Adoptees section, the implication of authors would be adoptees, versus birth parents. As the adoption vs abortion debate has well established arguements in the open/closed records, and the majority of the states still retain closed record systems, just how many adoptees do you think even know that their birth mother had chosen adoption over abortion? I highly doubt that this bit of information, that someone's birth mother had debated abortion, somehow got included in the adoption records, let alone was later released for disclosure to the adoptee.

Though I will concede that some adoptees in "open adoptions" may be aware of their birthmothers had such a choice, the number of adoptees in such "open adoptions" still remain vastly outnumbered in the US by those subject to sealed records.

For a rebuttal to the abortion versus adoption, with reference to open/closed records, please view page 20 of FOR THE RECORDS: Restoring a Legal Right for Adult Adoptees published by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute

Secondly, I again will point out that even by it's presentation this sub-forum presents an unrealistic, slanted viewpoint. Abortion can be chosen within an approximate 9 month period of time. Disregarding that it's presently illegal in the US to do so for all 9 months. Adoption on the other hand, has an 18 year window of opportunity. This might explain why when I recently viewed one state's statistics on adoption rate, the "welfare adoption" or those children adopted from the foster care system outnumbered private party adoptions by a ration of 18:1. Let's not forget that in a foster care adoption, parental rights are terminated, and then let me ask, what choice of adoption versus abortion those birth mothers had?

The only positive aspect to this particular sub-forum, is the lack of anyone posting to it. Truely illuminating that in 3 years, only one page's worth of posts can be viewed.

[BrandyHagz]

Missing75time,

If the forum doesn't 'fit' your situation - then you're welcome not to participate.

While I can certainly understand, if you had a bad experience, why you wouldn't want to post a message here - there are a number of very happy adult adoptees, involved in closed adoption, that are happy and eager to share their stories, which is the purpose of this specific forum.

There is nothing about adoption that is ‘one size fits all'. There are heartbreaking stories and there are happy stories – discounting one over the other does a huge disservice to the complexities involved in adoption.

Additionally, this thread appears in both the “She Chose Adoption” Forum under the Adoptee’s section of the forums as well as the “I Chose Adoption” Forum, listed in the Birth Parents section of the forums. For ease of posting, I titled them both the same and copied them to both forums.

Everyone deserves to have equal footing here on the forums at Adoption.com – we have over 1000 forums – each devoted to various aspects of adoption – well over 100 devoted to Search & Reunion on both the adoptee and birth parent sections – I think we can all make room for one forum devoted to those who have happy experiences to share without making them feel ashamed for having had a happy experience, don’t you?

Forced silence can go both ways, just as coercion can.

There is room on the site for everyone and every complex situation – that includes those who have differing opinions and experiences with adoption.

[imprttuner2]

I'm very new to these boards, as my adoption is just now starting to play a role in my life. I just wanted to share that I grew up knowing I was adopted from a closed adoption as far back as I could remember. I've never seen this as a negative thing, but as a joyous thing because I saw how much joy it brought to my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. They are my family, there is no question about it and if I could share a fraction of the love that I've experienced with them I would. They are my parents, my role models, my friends and I would do anything for them. They have supported every decision I've ever made. My mom's hair turned grey from worry when I was in Iraq with the Army, and I hated myself for it. I love them with everything that I am and it is returned 150% from them. I hope that someday very soon I can share with my birthmother a portion of the love that my parents have given me, and thank her for the joy that was brought to them when they found out they were recieving a son.

[Gospelfan]

Thanks Imprttuner,
My husband and I are in the process of becoming liscensed to adopt. I appreciated hearing your story and the way you knew from a kid that you were adopted and loved by all your family. I thank you for your post, I needed to see a happy story today.
God Bless You, and thank you for your service in Iraq as well. I wish you well, and pray you find what you are looking for with your birthmother as well.

In His Service,
Gospelfan

[SEARCHINGSPIRIT]

I am new to this site and new to blogging ! I am also a blessed adoptee. I wanted for nothing and have known of my adoption my whole life. I had a wonderful family ,. wonderful life and experiances, I may not have had otherwise. My parents always told my AB and I that we were "special gifts". I have always been proud of my adoption and every mothers day thank and pray for my birth mother whoever she is, for giving me the oppurtunities in life that she was afraid she could not. With so many children placed in orphaniges or worse, left with parents that didn't wish to have children. I feel that I am special. My adopted family is now all gone and decesead so I am looking for the oppurtunity to thank my birth mother and family. I am a complete person and do not need them to complete me but to know they and I are extensions of each other.

[imprttuner2]

Well said! I'm glad to hear someone else that had a similar experience to me. These positive stories about our families too. So much of this site focuses on the search procedure and not enough on our actual lives and what has shaped us. Many of us are blessed to have so much love in our lives. The love from our adopted family that actually WANTED us and the love of our birthparents that made such a hard choice to give us the lives that they believe they couldnt.

[SEARCHINGSPIRIT]

I agree. I am not bitter against birthmom. She gave me a better way. That is love.

[baronesslucy]

I had a positive experience being adopted. However, mine had some bumps in the road so to speak. I was born in the early 1960's and given up for adoption. My birth parents were teens (15 and 17 years old).

Although the mother that raised me loved me with her heart and soul, my dad had a take it or leave it attitude as far as children goes. This was very evident when he left (I was 5 years old). He got his truck and drove out of the driveway and left. Six months later, my parents officially divorced. This was one reason why I was put up for adoption (to avoid this situation). I rarely saw my dad and didn't for many many years.

My mother had had one child who she nearly died giving birth to and was advised not to have another child. She chose to adopt as this would be the safest way for her to have another child. She thought everyone she have at least 2 children because an only child would be lonely.

My older brother and I were raised by her and her mother (maternal grandmother). I was never referred to as her adopted daughter. I remember both of us back in the 1980's watching a show (I believe Barbara Walters interviewed him) where Michael Regan (one of President Reagan's children) was interviewed. He was refered to as the adopted son of Maurice and Ronald Reagan. I remember my mother having a fit about that (she said he's their son, not their adopted son). She would never have said, this is my son and my adopted daughter. I was her daughter period.

I knew I was loved which is a very important thing because many people who come into the world aren't loved by anyone.

I don't have the medical history that my adopted parents have (their medical history is bad). Both parents had serious health issues which they suffered with for years. My mother died an early death due to these health issues (she was 68 years old). I say this because other family members lived well into their 80's and beyond. My father had these issues but he was a more hardy stock and lived to be 80 years old. Sadly my brother has had these health issues and he's had them much earlier in life that they did.

The medical history of my biological parents is good. They have good genes for the most part. The only thing that isn't good was that both great-grandmothers on both sides of the family died of breast cancer before they were 45 years old. No one else has had the disease. I'm only slightly more at risk for it.

[Mahnie]

I'm confused ... where do I go to see this new section?

[julianalovely]

I am the product of an extremely successful open adoption. I definitely had my troubles throughout childhood dealing with being adopted. Until I was about 13-17 I acted out, unknowingly due to anxieties I had due to being an adopted child. My parents stuck by me, they were open to talking about my adoption, I don't even remember ever not knowing that I was adopted or ever not knowing my birth parents.

I know that there are a lot of adoptees who search for their birth parents well through adulthood and some who never find them. I can imagine that that is quite heart wrenching. Even with an open adoption I have faced a lot of the usual issues that adoptees have, Knowing my birth parents by no means has ridded me of adoption induced anxieties but surely they have helped to calm the anxieties somewhat.

I am so so so thankful for my parents. They were so understanding throughout my whole life, they were willing to recognize that some of my issues were out of their realm of expertise and they got me help, they did everything they could to stand by me no matter what I put them through. When I look back I can't even believe how lucky and blessed I am to have the parents that I do. And, I know how much care and thought my birth mother put in to choosing the right parents to raise me. She said she chose my parents because "they had an immense capacity for love", my birth father says that my parents wanted a child so much that they "would have adopted an alien and loved it just as much as they love me."

For me, adoption has been a true blessing. Sometimes I just think of how different my life would be if my birth mother hadn't been so logical and decided to put me up for adoption. My life is so much better because of the selfless decision that she made.

This is my Vlog: Uploaded videos - YouTube I talk about adoption from the perspective of an adoptee and post a new video every Sunday. I cover a multitude of topics and love to have responses from adoptees, adoptive parents and birth parents alike.

xoxo

J