[dngrus79]

My name is Lindsey. I grew up in a house where talking about adoption wasn't really allowed. Well, I am 27 now and I recently got married. I have been searching for at least 8-9 years now. I have hit so many dead ends. I finally decided to talk to my parents about all of this and ask for their help and any information they have.

I don't think it is going to go very well. My mom is so sensitive, especially about this. She gets upset really easily and reacts drastically without thinking and hearing you out. (like getting up and storming out of the house and walking 5 miles to her friends house with no coat in the winter - oh yes...she has done this before)

Anyway, I decided that I am going to write a "speech" that I will read to my parents so that I can get all of my thoughts about before the crying or yelling starts. I started to write and I guess the words didn't come as easily as I was hoping. I was hoping maybe someone or a few people could give me advice on some good things to say or maybe how other people had this talk.

Thank you SO much for your time and help. I am very nervous and just want to say the right things and get a good result which could lead to a reunion with my birth mother...or at least some information.

Lindsey

[bprice215]

This is not about you mom and dad and it in no way effects the fact that you shall always be my mom and dad, but this is something I need to do for myself. For my own being so please think of me and tell me anything you may know.
That should just about cover it. Good luck.

bprice215

[Jo Ellen]

I agree with BPrice... this is about you and what you want and has nothing to do with your adoptive parents. How they react to what you are doing isn't your fault. They have to take responsibility for that no matter how hard it is and you should not feel guilty for what you are doing. I know that is easier said than done but I have been where you are and I know it isn't easy.
Just know you have support here and best wishes as you continue on this journey.

[JustPeachy]

I am sorry your parents are not being supportive in regards to your wanting info about your birthfamily. I feel fortunate that my son's parents have been totally open and up-front with him his entire life. We have had semi-open, so that was helpful, but they could have faded out and not kept up communication, or else not given him my communication, but they always did.

I think writing the letter is a good idea, and you could even hand them the letter and let them read it, if you would rather not read it aloud. If your mom is super sensitive to this, can you first go to your dad and see if you can get anything from him? Do they know you've been searching for as long as you have???

I think I would stress that you are not trying to replace them, that no one can take their place, but you need this information because it is your biological heritage and your right to know your background and where you came from. Also, medical history is so very important. You are a grown woman, almost 30 years old and married/independent!! For goodness sake, they really shouldn't keep this information from you! I hope they will understand the importance of you having the knowledge of your birthfamily and provide you with everything they know, preferably without all the drama.

[dngrus79]

Thank you all for your advice. It has all been SO helpful!!! I have put together a letter I am going to read to them. Along with that, I have a list of questions I want to ask them about my adoption IF they agree to discuss it right away.

My husband and I are having them over for dinner on Friday to have "the talk". I am very nervous,but it has been 27 years and I think its about time. I feel like I have waited long enough. I dont think it will go well, but at least it will be out there and they will know what I am doing and what can and will happen if they help me and if they decide not to help me.

Any last suggestions oh good questions to ask about my adoption or rebuttal responses for when they refuse and want to storm out????? Anything would help!!!

You are all an amazing support system. THANK YOU!!!

[cksmom]

what are you hoping will come of this talk? Are you looking for information or more of a blessing to search? Your mom sounds alot like my mom. I hated even bringing it up with her. The look on her face alone just killed me. So I know how you feel. I finally got to a place where I decided I had to do it for me and if she didn't like it, I'm sorry. It sounds like your mom has a lot of healing to do on her own.

Chances are, they don't have a lot of information if you had a closed adoption. Have you requested your non-identifying information from your county? My parents knew nothing except maybe bmom was irish and maybe she was catholic and maybe she was a college student. all were true but I think amom was so afraid that I would want to look. Now I know that is all they knew.

[dngrus79]

Well, I just wanted to thank you all again. I talked to my parents over the weekend and it went A LOT better then expected. They were VERY receptive to everything I had to say and understand that this is something I need to do.

They told me the lawyer who handled my adoption was named George Moss. They are second guessing which hospital I was born in, but are making some calls to find out. They even offered to help me find George Moss and make an appt. for all of us to go and meet with him together!!!! It really couldn't have gone ANY better!!!

It was just such a relief and HUGE weight lifted from me. I do feel so much better knowing they are ok with it and knowing they are willing to help!!! Of course there is a little bit of fear on their part which is completely understandable but they are willing to put it aside for me and my search.

I will keep everyone updated!! Keep your fingers crossed!!!!

[katlyn]

That's wonderful!!! Lots of luck and hope you find them soon

[resa1968]

Hey, Your Parents Are Scared Mine Were To When
I Asked About My Birth Mom.. They Did't Want To Lose Me.. Just Reasure Your Parents That You Love Them And That This Is Apart Of You That Is Missing

[kakuehl]

Hey Lindsey,
Is there an update? How is your search going?