[adopteejenny]

Meeting my birth family was the best experience in my life. I have never been close to my adopted family and I feel guilty saying so but it's true. My A-mom and I haven't gotten a long for a really long time. We have different views about everything and just don't talk very often. So when I found out that my birth mom wanted to meet me, it was an amazing feeling. I don't hold a grudge against her because she did the right thing for herself at the time. But I am recently engaged and I am planning my wedding. I'm nervous about the whole event because that will probably be the first time that both of my moms meet. I don't know how I should act, if it would be ok for me to call my birthmom "mom" and how they should be involved in my wedding. PLEASE HELP!!!

[Free_to_be_me]

Would it be possible for you to introduce them the day before the wedding, at lunch or something? That might take a little of the pressure and stress off of everyone because they won't have to meet each other when there is a spotlight on you, the bride and them as the mother of the bride.

I got married a month ago and #1, my biological father and my (step)Dad were both there and #2, my birthdaughter and her family were there. All of us who are immediately involved in the situation were quite comfortable, but my husbands family was unfamiliar and weren't quite sure how things were supposed to work. It was really helpful for my guy and me to be able to talk to his family and answer questions and explain relationships so my Dad and my father and my birthdaughter didn't get innundated with curious questions.

I hope it goes well for you. My only advice is figure out what is most comfortable for you and try to make it work. Good luck.

[shadow riderer]

I just have a second before I have to go, but my Bmom, Bgrandmother, Two Baunts, Bsis, and two Bcousins, met my Aparents for the first time at my wedding. It went well as far as I know, but my Aparents were supportive of my reunion. Honestly, I don't remember much of anything that day. Everyone was pretty much left to fend for themselves, so to speak, because, as the bride, I was in a world of my own that day just being a bride.

I think I was lucky things went well. I have to go now, but feel free to ask me any questions.

[Tazer]

I fully agree with the suggestion posted by Free to be me above; you really should have everyone meet before the big day so the focus isn't on anything except the event then.
I'd also make sure everyone knew in advance what their roles were so there aren't any surprises. As far as what to call your B-mom thats something only you can decide and since you know each of them if I were you I'd let my heart be my guide. My B-daughter calls me Mom and that's her choice. I wasn't expecting that and would have been OK with her using my first name. I hosted a luncheon for her A-parents at Red Lobster with drinks in my home afterwards and I think her Mom was shocked when she heard her call me Mom but I shared that it was a shock for me and we kinda laughed it off.
I hope everything goes well for you. Best wishes! Tracy

[adopteejenny]

Thanks for the advice! I call my bmom mom now but I don't want to offend my amom. I think having them meet before the wedding is the best choice. I still want my adad to walk me down the aisle because he is the one that raised me. It's such a difficult situation and I really do appreciate all the advice from everyone. Thank you!

[djvj]

hi,
i'm so happy to hear that your reunion with your bmother is going well.

about your concerns of what to call her...i think you should just speak with her about it. let her know you don't want to hurt your amom, and that in front of her you will use her first name. give her a chance to tell you how she feels, but ask her to respect your request.

i'm a bmom, and though my bdaughter does not call me mom, if she did i would certainly understand it if she were in your position and did not want to in front of her parents.

is your amother supportive of you reuniting with your bmother? it must be a little hard for her if you two aren't so close right now. i know it is exciting to reconnect with your bmother, but remember, there is no reason you can't love them both and have a seperate mother/daughter relationship with each of them.

for all of your sakes, i hope it doesn't turn into a who-is-my real/favorite mom contest, because imo, we all have room in our hearts to love more than one person dearly!!! it sounds like they both love and want the best for you, each in their own way...

good luck

[wishfulthinker]

It might be a good idea to talk to both amom and bmom separately and just be honest about your confusion over what to call bmom. Moms are great at offering advice and they may have some good ideas.

I also agree that amom and bmom should definately meet before the wedding. Have you talked to each about the other? That might help prepare them to meet eachother.

Enjoy your wedding! Your amom and bmom will be ok; they both want you to have a wonderful wedding. You are very lucky to have them there to share your special day. Just remember to focus on the guy you're marrying! Best wishes.

[Free_to_be_me]

As far as the walk down the aisle, I had my step-dad walk me down the aisle because my relationship with him is so much stronger than with my biological father. Both men understood and it was absolutely the right choice. My DH's family was just baffled, but that didn't really matter to me. The man who raised me is my dad, regardless of anything else. You should go with what feels right for you.

[Tazer]

Originally Posted by Free_to_be_me

As far as the walk down the aisle, I had my step-dad walk me down the aisle because my relationship with him is so much stronger than with my biological father. Both men understood and it was absolutely the right choice. My DH's family was just baffled, but that didn't really matter to me. The man who raised me is my dad, regardless of anything else. You should go with what feels right for you.

I agree with this post; it's your day and it has to be what feels right in your heart.

BTW: My youngest brother got married 2 months age to a wonderful young lady whose parents happen to be divorced and remarried. Her step-dad has been in her life since she was 7; he has no other kids she is 22 now and her own dad has lived out of state for the past 16 years. Her dad was always supportive $$$ wise but her step-dad was the "hands on go to guy." Her solution...as she entered the chapel her dad entered with her on his arm; mid way down he lifted her veil gave her a kiss and her step dad stood up from that pew and dad handed her off to step dad to complete the walk. It was breathtaking. It symbolically captured their lives and each time I watch the tape I cry...Tracy ps>>> I was 7 months pregnant and the only woman wearing flat shoes and a semi-formal dress at the wedding so there are several reasons why I cry when I watch this video!

[bprice215]

Everybody has great suggestions, listen to them for this is your special day. Enjoy it and best of luck to you too.

bprice215

[bestofbothworlds845]

Honestly it is up to you to decide whehtr or not you want to call you bio mom, "mom". The way I would look at it is she did give birth to you and by consensus she is your mom. But it's your choice deep down inside whether she is your mom. As far as your A-mom she should be happy that you have that connection with your family.

[lacey_mae]

Hey jenny!
I am sort of in the same boat! her is my advice. Let the meet before the big day...it will eliminate so much stress! I went with my mom, fiance, maid of honor, and best man on a week vacation to meet my biolgical family. this way everyone that is really important on the big day knew each other first! it helped so much!