[untethered]

I appreciate you sharing your true feelings, and I think you should be able to say you're angry and that you're not grateful no matter the forum.

I'm not necessarily angry, although I do sorta feel like the line many of us hear throughout our childhoods -- Aren't you so lucky to have been taken in by such a nice family -- can often stifle very real feelings of abandonment and that sense of being alone in the world.

Even those of us who had good adoptive parents can still have those feelings, but it took me a long time (into my 30s) to even realize they were there, because most of my life adoption has only been presented as a positive win-win-win experience. I think there's a danger in ignoring the fact that it begins with loss.

[ripples]

that we adoptees don't strangle them whenever they say we should feel grateful. Har! Har!

[epenn922]

I totally agree with Ripples!!!

[kakuehl]

Good answer, Ripples!

[suzie3309]

Hi

well I am in agreeance.

I am thankful to be alive but not grateful for my situation and why would i be? God that makes me mad!

i didnt ask for anything of the sort. i dont think for a second i will ever be thanking my biological parants for screwing everythin up. so they eventually did the right thing and said i should live...good for them. im sure as hell not going to thank them for it i can tell you that now. im just thankful that for a split second she had a moment of redemption and im making the most of picking up the peices of her mistakes. my situation was not cut and dry and that choice to allow me to live means i have to live with that every day of my life. though of course she is no longer around to answer for that. though i have had a good life. I was one of the lucky ones.

i think any birth parent that chooses to have their child and give them up for adoption is doing the right thing. but then i think any woman who really doesnt want their child may also be doing the right thing... im very much pro choice. of course the solution could be if you cant take the responsibility dont get in bed. its not hard.

i think the terms thankful and greatful are two very different concepts. Adoption can be great but all stories are different. i wont judge but i sure as hell wont thank either. I only thank people when they have done something good for me.

[shadow riderer]

First, Ripples...You Go!

I've come a long way in coming to terms with my adoption/reunion issues. I've worked through a ton of anger and grief. I still have work to do, and may never really get to a point that there is no anger at my BPs for the things they have done since reuniting. I am more at peace with the whole situation, but it all still hurts some. Please keep this in mind while reading my next statements.

Now that my Bsis's wedding is over, and things are back to normal, I've had time to contimplate this whole issue of adoptees being grateful in a bit of a different light. Whether adopted or not, children are a gift. It's our BPs and APs who should be grateful for the gift they were given; a child.

[epenn922]

Originally Posted by shadow riderer

Whether adopted or not, children are a gift. It's our BPs and APs who should be grateful for the gift they were given; a child.

Perfectly said! I'm going to have to steal that one.

[WorthytobeLoved]

I have to say, I agree with the original poster (and before everyone says to be "well then don't come here" I'll remind you that all opinions should be welcomed and feedback will only help this forum function better).

-No human being needs to be greatful to anyone for being able to enjoy the basic rights that everyone should have. All human being deserve life, liberty, equal rights and the persuit of happiness. None are less deserving than others due to the circumstances of their birth and should not be made to feel like they have to be eternally grateful for the same humanity everyone else has.
-The decision not to be pregnant and the decision not to parent are completely different. Why is it automatically assumed that someone would abort their child if they hadn't chosen adoption? Why isn't family preservation ever considered as an option? The more we force abortion and adoption together as related topics, the more people's objections to abortion are going to interfere with much needed reform in adoption.

Am I thankful to be adopted? I can't answer that question. I can say that I wouldn't change my life for the world. I can also say that I don't think my life with my biological mother would have been horrible either. I think it's a shame that fear of poverty was the reason she relinquished a baby that she wanted to keep. But no, I do not regret my life. But grateful or ungrateful? I am neither. It is what it is.

[las1965]

I think my my words were taken wrong. I am not "grateful" that I was adopted, I am "grateful" to have had the parents I do, whether they are biological or adoptive. Mine were adoptive, but that does not matter..they are my parents..always were...always will be. It is what it is. Do I feel a need, or an emptiness for the lack of my biological parents? No. Does blood have anything to do with real family? and By "real" I don't mean biological, that would mean that adoptive family not real. I am closer to people I have no relation to "biological" or "Adoptive" than I am to some members of my "family". It is a personal opinion which I am entitled to have, just as everyone has the right to their opinion.

[las1965]

I totally agree, and my adoptive parents treated me as so, just as I treat my children.

[las1965]

In last post I meant I agreed with shadow, and my adoptive parents did treat me as a gift to them, just I do do my children.

[las1965]

this is to untethered, I only began thinking about it, when I had kids, and I wanted to medical history, then not until recently in my 40's I am curious about looks..funny, but I do. I could never look more like my adoptive parents, than if I was their biological child. I am not sure we should look at it as loss though. I think every woman is different, and many b-moms do not look at it that way. The child is a gift...if you can't love that gift, then it is regifted to someone who will love and appreciate it. I have seen many a parents that should not be. I can never imagine what it is like, or how I would feel if I gave a child up for adoption. I am pro adoption,but I am also pro choice. If I was ever in that possition, sadly I may not choose that route. If it was a mistake, young girl doesn't want child..what is not right about wanting to still give it good life? Is that selfish? Is that really a loss?

[kakuehl]

Right now I'm grieving the loss of my father. As I look back over my life, I'm grateful to God for the parents I had and the way they raised me. They were not perfect but they were good parents. From this vantage point I can see more of the good and less of the bad! I am also grateful that D had parents (by adoption) who cared for him and parented him well, if not perfectly. It may be helpful to remember than none (ok I can't speak for all) of us have our "ideal" parents. Many of us growing up, especially, were aware of our parents' shortcomings (at least what we thought were shortcomings). I don't believe anyone should feel forced to be "grateful" for the parents they have.