[buttoneyes]

I think it is important for us to remain grateful that our mothers didn't kill us. After all we aren't like other people we don't really deserve to be here. We could just as easily ended up in a biohazard can outside an abortion mill.

A lot of GOOD CHRISTIAN, people expend a lot of energy making sure that we never forget the sacrifices our birthmothers made, and our adoptive parents made to save us from the abortion mill.

I can see how you could take this negatively. I choose to look however as our escape with our lives as a miracle and that makes each day I live even more of a miracle to me.

I have a deep sense of appreciation for everything now because I realize that I am on stolen time in this life.

I live by the rule, KISS, don't sweat the small stuff and it is all small stuff.

[kakuehl]

Buttoneyes, maybe I should be grateful for the same thing. After all my mom didn't plan to get pregnant when she did; she didn't want to have a baby then. She didn't consider abortion any more than I did 21 years later. (Trust me, abortions were possible before Roe v. Wade, and not only in back alleys!) Not all bmoms have had to be talked out of abortions; in fact, many, if not most, would not consider abortion an option for themselves. Someone on the forums came up with the phrase, "not planned, but not prevented." That describes the birth of both myself and my bson. Neither of us has the need to be grateful for being allowed to be born. Both of us had mothers who loved us unconditionally and wanted the best for her child. By the way, adoptees are as deserving of life as any other person. You are a unique creation of God.

[Amandak249]

Nicely said Kakuehl

I am grateful to my birthmother for many things- my heart, my compassion, my long fingers that made me a piano player. I'm grateful to her for my natural artistic talent, for my eyes, my features and my intellect. I am grateful for the blanket she made me, for the way she took care of me while we were still together, and for the parents she chose to raise me. I am grateful that she did what she thought was best for me, at the risk of creating a hole in her own life.

I am grateful for many things. But grateful that she didn't abort me? No sir. She never considered it. She told me this herself.

I was born just as every other child in the world is born- to a mother who loved me just as any other mother would. I have a right to be alive, and though I am thankful for the amazing life that I have- I don't think the fact that I was adopted has any baring on my personal value in this world.

[Dickons]

Buttoneyes,

You are entitled to your own opinion, yet you may find that opinion false, and that there is no data to back it up with other than propraganda from the pro-life movement who has the money to promote that view.

Regards,
Dickons

[BethVA62]

I really think it is important to remember where and why this thread was started, and why it was moved from it's original catagory.

A place for adoptees to share their positive adoption stories about how their birthparents choosing adoption over abortion impacted their life.

The question is very political and definitley supports the business of adoption.
It's hardly about "gratitude"

If I were an adoption agent, instead of a real estate agent, I can only imagine I would use many of the same techniques I use in obtaining property listings and property buyers.

I would inlist nearly any group that would support my business in helping me help others, and helping me make a profit.

And I'd use proven new successful sales pitches to all.

I see this as no different in practice.

Fall for it if you want, I can see right thru this pitch, I am not buying this balony anymore.

[BethVA62]

(((buttoneyes)))
Do any humans really "deserve" to be here?

We are all on stolen time if that's the way you choose to think about it.

My Nam Vet buddies always say, it doesn't matter what happens, doesn't matter who you are, doesn't matter where you are from or where you are, when it's your time, it's your time.

They also say.... don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff !

KISS

[DeborahAnne]

'A place for adoptees to share their positive adoption stories about how their birthparents choosing adoption over abortion impacted their life.'

Good Lord, was it really? Oh dear. But oh well.

How bizarre though. Imagine this in consumerism - 'this is a place for (say) MacBook owners to share positive stories about how their purchase has impacted their life.'

‘if life gives you lemons, make lemonade.’ Huh? But… but… Lemons are amongst the best and most wonderful gifts of nature. They are adaptable, versatile and delicious. A slice for your gin and tonic – juice to zing life into salads, stews, fish and seafood. Oil and sweetness from the rind and zest that is pure and perfumed and precious. They are a staple of what doctors agree is the best dietary regimen we can follow. So if life gives you lemons, shout ‘Thank you, Life, thank you!’

Our response, however, is ‘make lemonade’ in other words – just add sugar and sell it.

Add sugar and sell it. This can be translated across into culture, can it not? When life gives you folk literature, gothic fairy tales and myth, what does Disney do? Add sugar and sell it.

When the body of world art and tradition gives you complexity, ambiguity and difficulty – add sugar.

When news and events present obstacles, problems and conflict – add sugar.

Sugar is an unalloyed good in and of itself and as a metaphor, a symbol. It might seem that we have the taste buds and desires of children. We know this from popular foodstuffs: melted cheese, fried chicken, milk-shakes, cookies, candy, fizzy sugared drinks, pappy hamburgers smothered in sugared sauce – even so-called high-end coffee is flavoured with sweet vanilla, cinnamon or hazelnut. Adults are helped to stay childish though sport, games, gadgets, monster-trucks and escapist movies, cowboys, superheroes, comic book villains and thrilling science fiction. Homer Simpson or Peter Griffin from Family Guy, are lovable forgivable funny and charming inasmuch as they are children.

It’s all about how many cup-holders our cars have, nothing to do with suspension or engine, it’s all about feeding our stomachs and minds with things that are sweet and easily assimilated: non-complex carbohydrates and non-complex concepts.

Non complex concepts like Adoption? Oh, add sugar and sell it...

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by DeborahAnne

‘if life gives you lemons, make lemonade.’ Huh? But… but… Lemons are amongst the best and most wonderful gifts of nature. They are adaptable, versatile and delicious. A slice for your gin and tonic – juice to zing life into salads, stews, fish and seafood. Oil and sweetness from the rind and zest that is pure and perfumed and precious. They are a staple of what doctors agree is the best dietary regimen we can follow. So if life gives you lemons, shout ‘Thank you, Life, thank you!’

Our response, however, is ‘make lemonade’ in other words – just add sugar and sell it.

I love your post! You are an excellent writer.

BTW, ever since I was a kid I've eaten lemons straight. Why have boring old lemonade when you can feel a rush?

[BethVA62]

A Spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
The medicine go down-wown
The medicine go down
Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
In a most delightful way

[BrockBaby]

I have been reading this thread the last few days, and thoughts have been going through my mind about this topic...here's a few of the things I have been thinking in regards to the last few posts or so...

First off (and this may have been discussed earlier in this thread..I don't remember I haven't read it again) I believe being grateful is a VERY personal thing. I am grateful to be alive, but not because I could have been aborted. I love life, plain and simple, and I'm grateful to be here! I am also grateful that I am blessed with the things that I am blessed with! That being said, I don't think anyone else can make someone else grateful for anything that person isn't grateful for. Sure, they can persuade them, try to show them their point, but when it comes down to it, we each have to decide for ourselves what we are grateful for.

Buttons you said, "After all we aren't like other people we don't really deserve to be here." I deserve to be here as much as anybody else in this world. We are the same as almost everyone else in this world..two people had sex and created a baby. The difference is that those two (or one if the father of the baby wasn't made aware) decided or had decided for them, that they would not parent that child. The decision not to parent does not equate in the child not "deserving" to be here on planet earth. I am sorry that you feel that you don't deserve to be here. I can tell you that I believe that you belong here, but what matters most is that YOU believe that. That you believe that you deserve to be here, without being grateful that you weren't aborted, but just because you are you and you have a lot to offer the world!

[buttoneyes]

I don't believe you.


I mean look, it is just common sense.

If we deserve to be here just as much as anyone else, why then do we have a section devoted to us saying why we are grateful to not be aborted?

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful, very but I don't see anyone else being instructed to explain why they are grateful to be alive.


It's simple really.

[BethVA62]

Originally Posted by buttoneyes

I don't believe you.


I mean look, it is just common sense.

If we deserve to be here just as much as anyone else, why then do we have a section devoted to us saying why we are grateful to not be aborted?

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful, very but I don't see anyone else being instructed to explain why they are grateful to be alive.


It's simple really.

Buttoneyes you are so sweet, and I think you totally deserve to be here, just like the rest of us.

you are right, it really is simple.

I asked my 15 year old son if he was grateful that I didn't abort him..... he said: "Well yeah, of course, duh mom! WHY would you ask me a question like that!!? Why do you have to be so wierd sometimes!!!"

So I asked him do you feel like you are on borrowed or stolen time, lucky to be alive, because I chose not to abort you? .... "well no, not really, I dunno mom, it's pretty obvious I am supposed to be here living, or I wouldn't be here.".... and of course.... geez mom stop it with the stupid questions! arrggg"

(my questions were no different than the ones posed to adoptees here)


Abortion is an option to ANY expecting mother... being grateful for not being aborted applies to everyone living, NOT just those that have been separated from their original family and adopted by another.

This is the simple part -
To answer your question as to why, we as adoptees are the only ones usually asked to share our gratitude for not being aborted or thrown in a trash bin,,,,,,,

It's a sales pitch for adoption to expecting mothers that are afraid they will not be able to care for their baby as they think they should (which is a fear of nearly every mother throughout time) while they are exploring their 3 options of abortion, adoption and keeping.

And they want us adoptees to support them in making the decision of adoption by saying how grateful we are to be separated from our original families and adopted, and thankfully not aborted.

It's sugar to help you think about being adopted "properly"

It's a political pro-life question.
It's a question they only want positive answers to here.
It's a question to promote adoption OVER abortion.
Mostly it's a question that supports the newborn end of the profitable business of adoption.

My son also said he is Very Grateful that I did not abort him OR place him for adoption.
Cause he is Lovin Life and feels very Lucky that me and his dad Chose to live it with him.

My question for you - Did your bmother or someone else tell you that you would have been aborted or thrown in a trash can if not for adoption? Was that your situation?
(((gosh I hope not)))
I just wonder why you would think that way?

[BrockBaby]

Yeah, the fact that there is a section devoted to that is disturbing. Perhaps we should have one in the adoptive parents one asking them to share why they are thankful they weren't aborted, as well as the birthparent section.

Actually, my bmom has told me OVER AND OVER again how the doctor wanted her to have an abortion...but it was too late. (sigh..that's what she'd do) I finally got fed up with it one visit (my last) and asked her if she would have aborted me had it been earlier, and she was like...welllll let me think about that. UGH! What kind of person says something like that!?!?!? Anyway, so I guess my bmom has made comments such as you were speaking. She also told me that I owed her my life because she didn't abort me. And that I had to honor her because that's what the Bible says.....and then people wonder why I have not had contact in almost a year!

[belleinblue1978]

The thing about the whole grateful not to be aborted thing is that alot of women that place don't even consider abortion and lots of women that parent do. It's just a ridiculous thing because society perceives adopted people as lucky. The grass is always greener you know.

[BethVA62]

Originally Posted by BrockBaby

Yeah, the fact that there is a section devoted to that is disturbing. Perhaps we should have one in the adoptive parents one asking them to share why they are thankful they weren't aborted, as well as the birthparent section.

Actually, my bmom has told me OVER AND OVER again how the doctor wanted her to have an abortion...but it was too late. (sigh..that's what she'd do) I finally got fed up with it one visit (my last) and asked her if she would have aborted me had it been earlier, and she was like...welllll let me think about that. UGH! What kind of person says something like that!?!?!? Anyway, so I guess my bmom has made comments such as you were speaking. She also told me that I owed her my life because she didn't abort me. And that I had to honor her because that's what the Bible says.....and then people wonder why I have not had contact in almost a year!

Brock my mom said the same thing once, that I should be thankful to be alive, she could have aborted me.

She didn't really like it when I let her know I wasn't totally grateful for loosing her in most of my life. That I'd missed her. I guess that one hurt a lot to hear. She was grasping at anything that might make us feel better.

She actually chose against abortion, she hid her pregnacy for 6 months, because she said the doctor there would have insisted on abortion as he was known to do. And the doctor was very mad at her and told her (yelled, reprimanded) how dumb she was for hiding it until it was too late ,,, then he and her parents suggested the maternity home as her only viable option. That was 1962....

I'm thankful she found a way to make her own choice about abortion.

I'm not thankful, nor will ever be, that she had no choice about changing her mind when I was born and immediately whisked away, they said it was too late for that too.

I made her talk about her comment more (people hate it when I do that, especially if it's awkward)

She told me she said it because it made her feel better about what did happen and thought it should make me feel better too.
She said it to show me how much easier it would have been for her life to choose abortion.
She said it to express to me how difficult it was for her to loose me in her life when she didn't want to.
She wanted me to understand her huge and painful sacrifice. I'm thankful she's never said it again.