[BethVA62]

Hey love
I hope you can get it soon. What state are you in?
I was born in WV, it's still closed, and I live in VA, still closed too. I even know my entire family now and still can't get my OBC. Doesn't make much sense to me.

Elect more adoptees to office!!!!

The senator of maine is an adoptee, she obvoiusly rocks.
Senator Paula Benoit

[lovemy2boys]

Beth - we're in MI.

I did a little research and BELIEVE the boys' can get copies of their OBC and identifying info when they turn 18.

The OBC is all we really want or need...

We have all the paperwork that was filled out by the boys' firstparents regarding health history, family history etc.

But most importantly, if there was anything the boys wanted/needed to know, they could just ask firsthand.

[BethVA62]

Originally Posted by lovemy2boys

Beth - we're in MI.

I did a little research and BELIEVE the boys' can get copies of their OBC and identifying info when they turn 18.

The OBC is all we really want or need...

We have all the paperwork that was filled out by the boys' firstparents regarding health history, family history etc.

But most importantly, if there was anything the boys wanted/needed to know, they could just ask firsthand.

I think you are right about MI as long as you are 18 and born after 1980 and there is no "denial form" from first parents in the file.
Before 1980 there has to be a "contact/identifying info is OK form" in the registry from first family. If not, forget it.

I will never understand why there is a difference like this in other states too. Like when we were born matters and measures how important our vital info and civil rights are to us.

love, I am glad your boys can get updated medical info and that there are no secrets held from them.

[lovemy2boys]

Thanks, Beth...

Things aren't always easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is, ya know?

And I "think" I can speak for all of us (DH, the boys, me and their firstparents/sibs) - even though it's not perfect, and the OA doesn't erase the grief and other hurdles we may encounter, we've got something pretty good going on here...

[KathyB58]

When I read the first post I felt myself becoming outraged.....but I continued to read. Once having completed the thread I am calm (lol)

Sure we can re-iterate what was branded into our brains (the whole selcted not expected garbage)....but in reality we were.

My parents (a-parents) were and fortunately still are the best - I have no regrets and never once felt like an outsider.

My birth-mom.....well, I don't know her and being born in 1958, yeah - I could have been aborted...but wasn't.

I am at a loss here - I am curious, loving, a parent and confused. After the life I had - I really want to know more.

I would love to meet my b-mom and tell her thank you - seriously. My now ex husband left when our son was 2 months old. Many of my well-meaning friends asked if I was considering putting our son up for adoption....seeing as how I was and it worked, etc, etc....I was OUTRAGED!!!!! But again, I calmed down and did a lot of soul-searching. He turned 19 yo last month so you know my choice.

I can see how the one B-Mom (to D) on here would tend to avoid forums that make her angry or upset (so sorry I cna't remember your name) but I also aplaud Lil.....(yup,forgot your name too) for posting what she did.

BUT - what's sad - is by D's mom avoiding forums - she may have missed out on finding some information and by Lil..........not posting her true feelings may also miss out.

I belong to many groups and OMG - the drama......but I have learned that's why god created the scroll, delete and ignore features.

I just hope people continue to post their thoughts and feelings no matter how negative or positive they may be.....that's why we are here.

Enjoy
Kathy
ISO B/M & twin sister
07/30/58

[kakuehl]

Hi Kathy, thanks for posting! I'm the bmom of D, so I assume you are speaking to me. (By the way, my name's Kathy also) If you check out the forums, you will find that I do read and post all over the place. I don't have much to add to the IA forums so I am rarely there. There are times when I choose not to subject myself to emotions that are raging in a particular thread because it is simply healthier for me to walk away. As a moderator I read much of what goes on, even when it's not the forums I moderate.

You wrote "I belong to many groups and OMG - the drama......but I have learned that's why god created the scroll, delete and ignore features." That was my point!

[BethVA62]

buahahahahahaahaaa
they moved this thread to the angry ungrateful adoptee section must be bad for the recruitment dept. roflmao

[kakuehl]

Nah....they just started some new forums...

Of course that would be a good name for a new forum, wouldn't it? (We could have "angry ungreatful adoptees", "angry deserted amoms", "grasping, demanding bmoms". How's that for stereotypes?

[BethVA62]

Originally Posted by kakuehl

Nah....they just started some new forums...

Of course that would be a good name for a new forum, wouldn't it? (We could have "angry ungreatful adoptees", "angry deserted amoms", "grasping, demanding bmoms". How's that for stereotypes?

LOL Kathy, sure would make it easier for me to find the right forum here !

[DeborahAnne]

Hearing any adoptee, whether they had a nice time with their adoptive parents or not, talking about being *grateful* makes me feel sick to the stomach. 'Grateful' means 'appreciative of benefits received' (Webster). The inferences are obsequious, outmoded with the right undertone of *poorhouse*. It's rightful place is in 19c fiction. Jane Eyre, say. Or Great Expectations perhaps.

Many of the central issues at the heart of adoptee anger are provocative because the word is a whitewash. Birthmothers - do you really enjoy hearing that your child should be 'grateful' they were separated from you? Adopted parents - is 'gratitude' as good as it's going to get ? Isn't that a bit second rate? Inauthentic? Insulting to the entire adoptive triad?

Thinking of other big issues affecting minority groups and incentive words, wouldn't you agree that racism disappears the day we're no longer faltering over the differences? Ditto sexism.

The day we're not faltering over the differences, in my opinion, is the day that we should feel grateful.

[annelizly]

I agree. at least i don't believe that adoptees need to be anymore grateful for not being aborted then natural born children need to be grateful that the night they were conceived their dad didn't wear a condom. totally random what if.

[kakuehl]

I was just thinking about being grateful to (or for) my parents; I am grateful for all that they have given me in this life. For example, they taught me to make my own decisions and to live with the consequences. I am grateful for their examples on how to live and how to love unconditionally. I think there are many ways we can be grateful to parents; I do not believe adoptees should be grateful for being adopted. (My parents practiced the "rhythm" method of birth control, btw, which meant although they planned on waiting two years before having children, they had 2 children by their second anniversary. Should I be grateful they couldn't count right?)

[hpfreak080]

Originally Posted by kakuehl

I was just thinking about being grateful to (or for) my parents; I am grateful for all that they have given me in this life. For example, they taught me to make my own decisions and to live with the consequences. I am grateful for their examples on how to live and how to love unconditionally. I think there are many ways we can be grateful to parents; I do not believe adoptees should be grateful for being adopted. (My parents practiced the "rhythm" method of birth control, btw, which meant although they planned on waiting two years before having children, they had 2 children by their second anniversary. Should I be grateful they couldn't count right?)

I completely agree with this. Everyone DESERVES to have a family who loves them. This is not something to be grateful for. However, in my opinion, I am grateful for everything my family has taught me and done for me. I'm not grateful for their love (I deserve that, I should not have to thank them for that), but I'm glad they supported my decisions as to which schools to attend, what major I want to pursue, etc.

Bottom line: Being grateful for having a loving family is wrong. Being grateful for the things the family has done for you, not so wrong (Note: all of that was my opinion lol

[Hmarie68]

Maybe everyone is way over analyzing the phrase being grateful for our family.....

Why is this such a bad thing? Don't you think that people who weren't adopted are grateful for their families and the love they received too?

This is where adoptees(adopted here) can get easily offended by little things that just eat you up.....

When you think about it....most of us who are adopted don't really know what kind of life we would of had if we had been raised with our birth families....one can assume (at times) that had we been raised by a young single parent we wouldn't of had all the benefits of the home we were raised in now(assuming again you were adopted by a couple-like me) I can only imagine how different my life would have been....so therefore I will eternally be grateful for my parents love and the home I was brought up in.

Sure everyone deserves to be loved and cared for and raised in a loving home...but does that ALWAYS happen?....No...and that's why I can justify saying how grateful I am for the love I received.

And to say that you shouldn't thank your parents for loving you....what? How can that be? Why WOULDN'T you want to thank them? How is not thanking them a good thing? Unless you didn't feel like you were loved or taking care of the way you should have been.

Love encompasses a myriad of things....feeling like you belong, knowing someone cares for you and has your best interest at heart etc etc....

I for one am grateful for all the love my parents and family members have shown to me and given to me.....I have received unconditional love....how many people(whether adopted or not) can truly say that?

More importantly, I am grateful to God for putting me in the family I have...and someday, I hope our little girl will feel the same way.

Heather

[kakuehl]

Heather, I think that much of the time the problem occurs when people tell other people how they SHOULD feel. It tends to negate our feelings, especially when we DON'T feel grateful, etc. Therefore I can share what I feel grateful for, but I can't tell you that you should feel the way I do.