[resa1968]

First Of All Honesty Is Always Best My Parents Told Me All They Knew About My Birth Mom.. You Dont Want Him To Grow Up And Then Find Out That You Were'nt Honest

[Clownie]

I met my birth mother last year for the first time at age 43 two years after I met my birth father.The whole thing has been an extremly positive experience for both of us.More so since I'm her only child.
I now feel complete and have gone on to trace my ancestory back to the 1500s

[dpen6]

my opinion is this...tell him the basic of his adoption while he is young. Keep the names and situaions for when he is older. When he is older you can tell him that when he was a baby this is what you know of his bparents. Tell him that people do change and grow and that his bparents may have or may not have. It is his decsion based upon what you know to decide wheter he wants to persue finding his bparents..as an adult.

I don't beleive that it is right for you to hold back the information whether its good or bad...if he is old enough to deal with it.

I would not tell him the bad stuff as a child though as he could personaize it.

[cetalley]

I agree with what dpen, has offered. Honesty and trust go hand in hand. Teach these values to your child, and he will do well when that time comes. I might also suggest, if you would put all you know in a journal for him, and in safe keeping. This way he will have this when the time comes, and GOD willing, you will be here to help him through the journey. Just remember none of us are perfect, the way we learn is at times from mistakes. His Firstparents will inevitably grow and hopefully become wiser...as do we all. You are a great Mom, just keep donig all that you are. Blessings..C.J.

[DebsW]

Beth, Wow, I as an adoptee, do not have advice for you. I mean, if you do give info you hurt your son, if you don't tell you hurt your son. I guess if I were in your shoes I would answer any question my adopted child had. I would wait to give any painful info until he was old enough to process it in a mature way. Although, when you get to the point of trying to resolve issues of being an adoptee, I found I felt like a little girl again, scared, alone etc (part of the afamily dynamics).

I think, keep your mind open. I don't think I would make a decision yes or no and then let that be it. You sound like an amom who wants open, honest communication with her son, I think you should focus on that. My aparents had pat anwers to all the questions and they never changed them. Kind of always leaves you wanting more info.

Good luck!

[KathyB58]

Beth,
Give him whatever info you may have. I just turned 50, am an adoptee and still searching. You sound like loving parents that have and continue to raise your son in a loving compassionate way. My folks did that and I have no regrets - but OMG - I want to know.

Seriously, think about it - how many people have kids, keep them and mistreat them? The child is stuck with emotional baggage. But adoptees? We basically have no baggage. I can't speak for all but when an adoptee makes the decision to search, no matter how much they candy-coat it.....there is always the fear of rejection or bad news.

As an adoptee - my suggestion is - give your son all the info and notes you have - when he is old enuf, he will be able to decide.

Good luck