[kune]

longingtimewaiting

From a lurker....and one who has been in the same place as you are (keeping a secret from your home-grown children).

This is not only your CHILD you are waiting to meet. It's knowledge of their SISTER you are withholding.

Tell it longing. From expereience I know that young adults need some time to actually accept another sibling exists - the longer you leave it the harder it will be for you and the daughter you seek. For example - It's difficult for 20 yr olds to understand their birth-order has never been correct, and their parent was living a lie.

And....my found bson was extremely hurt that I hadn't shared his presense with my children (Male 31yo and 29yo female at the time of reunion). He had to contend with two siblings who were still reeling from finally being told there was a half-brother and coming to terms with what that meant for them and me. Things were very strained for 18 months at least.

I freely admit I was wrong not telling. At the time I thought it better to wait and see, but with hindsight, I was just protecting myself ....I'd held it secret for so long I didn't want to share what I thought was esentially my sin.

Ann

[bprice215]

It is behond the likes of me why people can put something that is not real before somebody that is real. It makes no sense to me at all how this can happen. If I were in your shoes I contact bmom if nothing else but to inform her you plan on making contact with sibling. In less than a hearbest I'd do that, let your sibling decide what she wants. Take care and the best of luck to you. I'm on your side.
bprice215

[rainmon]

You are adults you don't need her permission to meet.
maybe with the truth finally out it will help set her free.....
especially if she hears how happy you both are about getting to know each other.

[jlsf]

Things are going great with my brother! He is actually coming to meet me in May - 16 days to be exact. I'm excited. We talk just about everyday, and slowly are coming to terms with what kind of relationship we want. B-mom knows we talk and is not to happy. In fact, she won't speak to either of us. Still can't deal with the secret. Her sister knows and has been a great help to both of us. We have found a lot of information out this past month...apparently there are at least 2 other children she gave up for adoption...one between the two of us, and one who would be the youngest. I don't think I have completely processed the information yet. I thought my search was finally over and I find myself praying that she has not done the same things to these children she has done to me. I know right now she is using me as a scapegoat for her problems with my brother, he's ok with me - it's all the lies and secrets and refusal to face the questions and problems he has a problem with. I would love to question her, but I am waiting, hoping he can repair their relationship first. I feel he has a lot at stake. Even if he doesn't realize it yet. I have a wonderful mom, she is all he has.

[deanneo]

I just started reading posts and yours is from 2007 but I wanted to write. My story is similar to yours but even my birth siblings on my mother's side want nothing to do with me. My birth mother told me she didn't know who my father was. Birth grandmother said that even is she knew, she wouldn't tell me. My birth father found me 3 years ago. Turns out he had been looking for a very long time and bmom would not tell him where I was. I have no idea why. He and I have a good relationship and my b-sibs on his side are great. His wife has been wonderful too. I have no idea why bmom with held info. Don't give up on your father. You may find him. Never thought I would but he was buried in her lies. It was meant to be.

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by deanneo

I just started reading posts and yours is from 2007 but I wanted to write. My story is similar to yours but even my birth siblings on my mother's side want nothing to do with me. My birth mother told me she didn't know who my father was. Birth grandmother said that even is she knew, she wouldn't tell me. My birth father found me 3 years ago. Turns out he had been looking for a very long time and bmom would not tell him where I was. I have no idea why. He and I have a good relationship and my b-sibs on his side are great. His wife has been wonderful too. I have no idea why bmom with held info. Don't give up on your father. You may find him. Never thought I would but he was buried in her lies. It was meant to be.

What a bmom says about or doesn't say about bdad can be many things.

here is my list

He forced her/rape, she can't face it, or doesn't want the adoptee to know how they came to be.

He was married and she is ashamed.

He left her when she told him and she thinks he will hurt the adoptee.

He was the love of her life and she didn't tell him.

In the last, she still loves the bdad, part of her doesn't want to share him. Part of her is afraid to find him or for you to find him.

OR she just doesn't want to share the adoptee with anyone.

As a bmom I know that could hurt. I missed so much and wish I could have it all. Not sharing is part of that.

BUT I know that is bad for me and my son, so I shared and our relationship is great.

I can't explain a bmom who doesn't want a relationship.

Hugs

[tonimattice]

I found my birth mom and it was the biggest nightmare ever !!! She lives in Lumberton,NC and I brought her to Tampa,Fl to meet me paid for everything . She was here for 2 months and said to me I dont want to be around you anymore Ive known you long enough. I have to get back to men the important things in her life. Thank God I was adopted and went to the family I did. I turned out very well . I've cryed everyday since she left and I dont know why I love her so much. I dont understand myself right now . She give me up a second time . Now Im searching for my siblings . Hang in there I know what your going though. E/mail me if you need to talk at toni_allman@yahoo.com