[quilliam]

Originally Posted by gemini678

My situation is different but I hope you don't mind my response.

I was the second of three, the only girl, the second child given away. The third child was kept. This did bother me b/c I was just a year and a half old when he was conceived. Then later on in life, I discovered the first child had been taken back but no one ever came back for me.

I felt like I had done something wrong as a kid. Also, I felt maybe I wasn't pretty enough or maybe I wasn't wanted b/c I was a girl. Basically, I didn't think I was wanted at all and was not good enough to be chosen to be included. All types of thoughts ran through my head as a child.

I still don't know why I was the only one left behind and never retrieved but it still crosses my mind. What was she thinking?

Gemini, there may be a perfect explanation of "Why" you were left behind and your brother not. My fiancee' and his non-biological Asister were both adopted by a childless couple at different times.

Both of them started their Biological Searches around the same time (a few days apart) and then both found their Biological Families within about six months apart. Both of them had an older sibling, she a sister and he a brother.

When she located her birth family (her mother already deceased) her seven bio-siblings were told about her and also told "Why she was placed." Her mother placed both of the girls up for Adoption. A time later the bmother had met a man who wanted her children and went back to the Agency to get them. When the bmom went back, only the oldest daughter was still there but the youngest (fiancee's Asister) had already been placed in her Adoptive home.

Hopefully you might find out that this may be a similiar circumstance in your case.

On the other hand, my Fiancee was told by his Bmom the reason he was placed was because, she was the oldest of ten children, all living at home. She already had a child and simply couldn't afford to raise another child, as her parents were already raising the first one and were getting too old to raise another one.

There are all different reasons, "Why" and I hope that your answers are ones that aren't hurtful but yet totally legitimate.

[amyfk]

I know of two adopted families where their adopted child was the only one placed out of a group of siblings.
In one case, the child placed was the last born and the birthmother just couldnt afford the child. I think I was told by my friend afterward(adoptee's cousin) that the birthmother later on got her tubes tied.
I know of another family where the child place for adoption was the only one placed. She is still a young girl. The adoptive mother is concerned how this will affect her child in future years, but knowing that she's a good amother and is very involved in adoptive issues, I think she will do her best to try to give that child a good sense of security and sense of self-worth despite her loss from her first family.
Sometimes the support of the afamily cannot totally assuage the hurt from the situation of the first family, but i have to believe that it can somewhat make them feel more secure as adults.
Amy K, NJ