[Jannyroo]

Can you tell me how did you feel about seeing your bmom a second time? And how long was it before you did? Assuming everything went reasonably ok? I am 10 months into reunion with my bson and we met up a month after he first located me by internet. It was a great reunion. He is now 28 years old.

He is struggling to come to terms with the emotions that meeting me provoked in him. We have always had a good connection even though we have had a rocky time of it, its now levelling out to comfortable of sorts. He generally phones me once a week or fortnight and I email him once or twice a fortnight, as I depend on him to phone me, as he is living at home with his aparents.

He tells me that meeting me was like putting the missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle into the picture, but then the whole jigsaw collapsed and he is trying to recover it. He’s afraid that if he meets up with me that “he will lose it” and the anger inside him and the emotions will make him “punch the nearest guy” to him. I asked him if it was like being an Orca kept in a pool for many years and then being invited to swim out into the wide vast ocean….. scary - he agreed and thought that was a good analogy.

He spends so much emotion on trying to get his aparents to see who he really is and not really getting anywhere, that he comes across has having precious little emotion left to build a relationship with me. He is doing well, recently trying to come off 4 addictive substances and says that the nutritional support I sent him is working and he feels helps. He has so much to cope with. I do understand that he is finding all this really tough. I wish his adoptive parents could see how adoption issues have affected him.

I typed up 17 pages of notes that I’d made from “The Primal Wound” and he avidly read it and acknowledged the parts that applied to him. I wanted him to know that I could see and hear his pain and his anger from my relinquishing him and to acknowledge it. He edited what I’d typed and gave it to his amom who said that she’d already seen it before, and he felt that again, he was getting nowhere.

His aparents don’t show emotion/feelings whereas I/he do. This seems to be the rockmass upon which he struggles with them. They come across as really decent people, but so completely different emotionally. He can’t leave home because of crippling emotions that resulted in obsessive compulsive disorder and drugs/alcohol/ anti-depressants/smoking.

Does anyone out there relate to this? I am broken hearted (although I haven’t let him know this, I’ve just said “when you are ready”) that he is not up to seeing me again, even though he so much wants to. Now that I understand better the pain issues he is dealing with, I so much want to be able to help him help himself, if you get what I mean, but without taking the control from him - he needs that himself.

If anyone can offer any support/advice/guidance on this, I would be really grateful. In the meantime, I just tell him how well he’s doing (he says I’m the only one who tells him this) and let him know I’m behind him all the way. Oh help!