[InionGrinn]

Originally Posted by SallyLF

I probably should've been more PATIENT, and definitely should've been wiser in that it never occured to me she hadn't been dying to meet me also. Hmmm, at this ripe old age I still have the niavete of a child sometimes.

Hey, what can you do? Hindsight is 20/20. But I am a firm believer that things happen when they happen for a reason - there is a reason! Don't second guess your instinct to call her and contact her first. Your gut -impatient or not- probably made the right decision. Who knows WHAT could've happened with an intermediary -they could have been some green wet-behind-the-ears dolt right outta college that could have said all the wrong things. She could have provoked your birthmom in a negative way. She could have changed her number after that, as you said in an earlier post. There's no way of knowing. At the very least you got to hear your mother's voice with your own ears. It may not have worked out that way with an intermediary. ((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

[SallyLF]

InionGrinn, we'll all be thinking of you! HOW EXCITING for you. Stay strong and steady girl, and may grace fill your heart. SLF

[InionGrinn]

Originally Posted by SallyLF

and may grace fill your heart. SLF

We were cross-posting! Thank you, what a lovely way to put it.

**prays for grace to fill heart**

[mn125]

Originally Posted by Scarlet Moon 13

Yes, long time no see, how are you doing?

Just fine thanks for asking Scarlet!
How are you doing? Did you make the last online backyard reunion chat? I'd sure like to 'see' and talk to some of the old yardies. I'd really like to see if anyone still has a copy of the video Bob (badger) made of yardies get togethers in DC,CA, and TX. I cannot find my copy anywhere!

.......Been making plans for another Seattle visit sometime this spring. I missed going out this summer as I had planned because of a death in the family.

I cannot wait to see all my family and get hugs from them all. Its been close to 2 years now since I've seen them- and my Mom and Siblings and beautiful Mt Rainier and Pike Place market are always on my mind! I cant wait to get "home"!

[loveajax]

Happy Birthday, Heartbeat!

Yay, Sally, for sending that card! I was just crying reading about it and your "plan." I soooo want some sense of closure for DH, but I guess like anything in life, sometimes there is no real "closure," is there?

Oh, on the sib thing, I found a pic of DH's half bro (born after he was). They looked so much alike and this guy looked so kind and does amazing work with kids (my DH is like the kindest person in the world and kids adore him too). I found out that they WENT TO THE SAME HIGH SCHOOL (different years)!! Life is so weird!!

Sally, I really also believe no regrets. I think it is great that you picked up the phone and made that call. I really hope that your birth mom enjoys getting your card and that you can forge a nice, warm relationship with her. I really want you to meet her! I bet that would be very cathartic in many ways....I am keeping my fingers crossed for you!

[kdecrow]

Oh Sally,
I am a birthmother, not an adoptee so I'm speaking from that side of the fence. I think your birth mother is so traumatized, but even if she has buried the birth itself, she still loves you and wants you to call her Mother. I agree with the others. Keep in close touch with her, and I'm willing to bet the truth comes out eventually. She has to feel safe with you. No telling what punishment she may have endured when she gave birth to you 50 years ago. Let her see your face and what she lost. Somewhere in her subconscious she wants to share her love with you.
God bless you and the best of luck.

Kim- still searching.

[SallyLF]

To all of you -
Kind words that offer hope and support, and much needed. Thank you...SO much. XOX SLF

[akcskye]

You know, bmom could EASILY still have been "trained" to "forget" you by her parents, too.

After 50 years of training to pretend you didn't have a baby to everyone you know, and now, all of the sudden, you're "back in her face"...that can be traumatizing to a person.

No telling what has transpired in her life after 50 years. She never had anymore children, I think you said? If so, who knows if she COULDN'T have any more children.

There are so many things going on in both of your lives right now that one can only imagine the thoughts she's going through.

I hope that she does not continue to deny the situation, or comes to terms with it quickly. I hope your card is opened and read, and doesn't come back "return to sender".

This has got to be SO hard for the both of you...I think of you daily.

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by mn125

Just fine thanks for asking Scarlet!
How are you doing? Did you make the last online backyard reunion chat? I'd sure like to 'see' and talk to some of the old yardies. I'd really like to see if anyone still has a copy of the video Bob (badger) made of yardies get togethers in DC,CA, and TX. I cannot find my copy anywhere!

.......Been making plans for another Seattle visit sometime this spring. I missed going out this summer as I had planned because of a death in the family.

I cannot wait to see all my family and get hugs from them all. Its been close to 2 years now since I've seen them- and my Mom and Siblings and beautiful Mt Rainier and Pike Place market are always on my mind! I cant wait to get "home"!

OH that is why I never heard from you..

Bob, isn't that who Ronda is with? Or I am thinking of someone else

I sent you her email, she may have a copy.

Yes, I did make it to the last chat.. not too many there.

Don't forget to let me know when you are coming to Seattle and I will set you up to see the Glass eye studios where my son works.

[SallyLF]

akcskye - it is words like yours that keep me strong during this challenging experience. You all have given me a safe place to come to where I've also discovered a fountain of wisdom, and much needed humor from a charming group of people. Without you ALL I would be a total train wreck!!!
XOX SLF

[Sheila Moyer]

Hi Sally,
My husband is 49 years old and he was adopted in Tennessee. When we received his adoption records and requested contact with her and his half brother, she signed a contact veto saying she didn't want to dig up the past. She also tried to keep us from being able to contact the older half brother who knew nothing about my husband ofcourse. She was very upset when she was told that the brother would have to decide for himself, so she then told him about my husband first and told him she did not want to make contact hersself but that the state was going to contact him and he could decide. He told her that he did want to meet his brother and we have gotten together a few times. What is upsetting to my husband is that even though she knows her son knows about his brother and even told her he planned to meet him, they go to great lengths to keep her from knowing that we have contact at all. They seem to think that should would have nothing to do with him either if she knew! My point being that most unwed mothers from the 1950's seem to have totally blocked out their experience and find it way too painful to allow themselves to even acknowledge the truth. I know that my husbands birthmother has lived a very lonely sad life working all the time to avoid feeling anything. I really wish that his brother would find the courage to try and change her mind about seeing my husband so that they both could begin to heal, but it is very unlikely.

Sheila

[snuffie]

Oh, if we could only wish the way we wanted others to think and that would make it so. I wished that my bmom would want to meet me and she denied contact. The next time I tried she had passed away but after reuniting with my bsibs there were signs that she was going to reconsider and wanted to meet me afterall.

I would never give up hope as hard or as futile as it may seem. There are always little "miracles".

Best wishes.

Snuffie