[FallenChild]

As The Month Of April Closes, Let Us Not Forget Cindy Jordan - A First Mother Who Took Her Own Life On APRIL 8, 2004 After The Promises Of An Open Adoption With Her Little Girl Were Broken By Adopter, Author, And Psychologist, Susan Burns, Psy.D.

REST IN PEACE CINDY* MAY YOU KNOW YOUR DAUGHTER IN HEAVEN!

[taramayrn]

Thank you for posting this. Cindy was a dear friend of mine and I continue to grieve her loss. While the closing of her daughter's adoption played a huge role in her suicide Cindy was a lost and troubled soul before that...
I love you Mama Hen.

[Montraviatommyg]

Will have to search out something I read the other day on another group I belong to for women who didn't have anymore children after relinquishing about Cindy. I didn't know her yet it is terrible what happened to her...where has the time gone ?

Pip

[Montraviatommyg]

Forgot to add I've known about Cindy's story through these forums for a while. Here's the article I saw on the other group:-"Fast Track Adoption" Ends in Suicide

Natural mother commits suicide after "Fast Track Adoption" book reveals how she was used by the woman who adopted her daughter.

(PRWEB) April 13, 2004 -- Susan Burns, Psy.D. is undoubtedly proud of her book "Fast Track Adoption" which provides prospective adopters some ideas on how to go about soothing a frightened young woman's fears and making her feel she is making a good decision for her child.

But, there is one angle her book does not cover: How will your adopted child's natural mother feel when she finds out how proud you are of the methods you used to talk her out of her child? How will she feel when you break all the promises you made to her?

Burns writes: "Without an agency's interference, (the child's parents) and (the people considering adoption) have a greater voice in in making key decisions, often resulting in a better "fit" for everyone involved."

"...knowing about the (prospective) adopting family prior to the placement can assist a (natural) mother in her grieving process by reassuring her that she has made the right choice."

It seems unlikely to me that Burns is truly concerned about everyone involved or about the grieving process of a mother who has lost her child to adoption.

I got this email today (April 9, 2004) from a friend who is very involved with the open adoption community:

"I'm grieving my good friend right now. Cindy was a member of my adoption group for a year and a half -- we were supposed to meet next month. The (people who adopted) her daughter broke promises and Cindy never recovered. She took her life yesterday. Her daughter will be three on the 19th."

"I'm trying to help the members of my group ...and myself grieve. We were all SO close. She also left behind two teen boys. Please keep them in your prayers."

"(The woman who adopted her daughter) wrote the sickening new adoption book "Fast Track Adoption" ...and may even appear on 20/20 talking about how to get a baby quick. Cindy found out about this book by accident and was devastated by it's contents and how she was left out and used."

Many people are unaware of this dark side of adoption. The adoption industry has found ways to thwart attempts by natural moms and adoptees to voice their concerns about unethical adoption practices. One of the most revolting of the tactics used to obtain babies is the promise of "open adoption", the promise of continued contact with their child, made only with the intent to lure in unsuspecting mothers who might have otherwise kept their child. Open adoption agreements are not legally binding as other child custody or visitation agreements are and this frequently has devastating consequences. Many a mother is grieving the loss of a child to adoption. This grieving is compounded when she has so obviously, blatantly been used as a baby-making machine and then tossed out like yesterday's garbage once her child is in possession of the adopters. In Cindy's case, not only she but her sons and probably other family members were expecting contact with their sister, granddaughter, niece as well.

This is for Cindy Jordan and for all other moms who have been so used. This is for Cindy's daughter, her sons, her mother and father, her whole family. I hope our churches will mention this from the pulpit and work to enact change. I hope our human rights organizations will take note and work to enact changes. I hope women's organizations will for once stand up for these women who have been so long marginalized in this way and work to prevent further abuse.

Not everyone benefits from adoption and it's time people knew about it and did something.

Those mothers and fathers who are making a decision whether to keep their child or surrender their child for adoption deserve legal protections which include real information about the emotional risks to themselves, their child and other family members. They deserve to be protected from slick advertising and sales pitches from those seeking to adopt independently, from the adoption industry and from adoption lawyers. They deserve to be protected from the pressure put on them to choose prospective adopters before their child is even born which makes it very hard for them to disappoint them later.

They deserve to be treated with the respect due a human being, with the respect due a parent who is trying to make the best decision possible for their child and their families.

# # #


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ann Wilmer
National Coordinator
Green Ribbon Campaign for Open Records

Public opinion today may be public law tomorrow.
Effective Public Relations

Adoptee born: 10-18-1952
in Waynesboro, PA has
FOUND her birth family!

Pip

[Jensboys]

Just bumping this up so that a new generation of aparents, first parents and adoptees who may not have known Cindy (Jordanmode here at a.com -- search out her posts for more of her story) or at Remember Cindy Jordan Ross - Mother

She was my friend ("our" friend to many long time current and former members here) and keeping her memory alive will help others to keep accountability in adoption. So that no one else ever has to face the loss of a friend in this way.

Cindy carried a huge burden as a result of the adoption of her daughter, and the subsequent deterioration of her relationship with her aparents, including but not limited to the book amom wrote documenting the "method" she used to ensure Cindy placed her daughter with them.

Lets not forget! And maybe spend some time celebrating Cindy's life as well. If you wouldn't mind bumping this over the next few days, it would be a big honor to Cindy's memory, and in celebration of her baby's girls birthday, also this week.

Jen

[Oceans]

WOW - I'm speechless...

I am also terribly saddened about the story of Kate on the site.

No words really -

[taramayrn]

Missing you Mama Hen - I'll see you somewhere over the rainbow.

[Jensboys]

Originally Posted by taramayrn

Missing you Mama Hen - I'll see you somewhere over the rainbow.

I wont forget that night, 4 years ago, ever. It was truly horrible to break the news to so many.

I miss our friend.

[RavenSong]

I never had the honor of knowing Cindy, but her tragic story just tears me up inside. I read about her a few months ago over at the Mothers in Exile website, and just reading her story made me walk around in terrible sadness for days.

We don't talk much about the subject of suicide among birthmothers here. But it is a very real and documented risk. I read a peer-reviewed journal article a couple months ago that stated there is a 20-percent higher suicide rate for birthmothers during the first 10 years following relinquishment. (I'm sorry I can't cite the source right now; I know I have the article stored somewhere on my computer, but I can't seem to find it. I tried to Google it just now, but I'm not having any success.)

I rarely talk about it, but I do have some personal experience in this area. Let's just say it's an absolute miracle that I'm alive today. According to the physicians who attended me back in 1976, when my son was 4 years old, there is no medical explanation why I survived a particularly lethal suicide attempt.

The grief and the depression can be overwhelming for some birthmoms. And when I think of how Cindy was lied to by her daughter's adoptive mother (whom I'm sure made tons of money on her book), it makes me feel very ill inside.

So, I will light a candle tonight at midnight in honor of Cindy. And I will say a prayer for all of the birthmothers of this world....

[Jensboys]

Ravensong ((hugs)) thanks for sharing.

Aparents, if you read this ...

#1) if you make a promise, KEEP IT

#2) if you are tempted to send fuzzy pictures, or pictures of the child in the hospital, or not send pictures EVER of the child with the gifts their first parent has sent RETHINK. Why be EXTRA painful ... a bit of kindness on your part can go so far.

#3) For goodenss sake, dont write a book about how you convinced the birthmom of your baby to place with you and then call it a "fast track method"

#4) dont forget your family was formed at great cost to someone else

And for first moms ... PLEASE

#1) know, KNOW in the depths of your soul that death does not solve anything. PLEASE reach out ... call, write, phone, email anything. But suicide is NOT the answer.

[Oceans]

Raven - I too have been thinking about this all day. I don't talk about it much either but I was on an 18 year mission to slowly die with Anorexia (before I got help). And the sad thing is, we are from the closed era... We knew what we signed on for.

I can't imagine the pain of abruptly having an OA closed. I hope her story helps one person to give their OA another chance.

A lot adds up to a choice like this (suicide) but how awful to feel like you have been publicly shamed and then shut out of your child’s life...

Awful... Simply awful...

[kune]

****Bumping****** so other's can learn and remember. A promise made should be a promise kept.
Ann

[lonni]

Thank you Jens, I knew Cindy through the forums briefly. Wonderful woman who got the major shaft and so did her kids. Adoption at it's very ugliest and tragic. The book that explains the tricks to manipulate is bogus and one day M. will know exactly what "type" of person raised her. IMO.
RIP Cindy, sweet one. Happy Bday M.

[lahdh4]

While I only knew Cindy from reading about what happened to her after she passed away. I wish I knew her story before I placed.
I may not have placed my daughter.

[taramayrn]

Another thing Jen - you forgot to mention - is for adoptive parents to allow their children's birthparents to send gifts for their placed children. Do not tell them that they don't need anything because you are able to provide everything they need.