[BoxerLady6]

But I was directed her by another member to give my point of view.
I am birthmom and SO happy with my decsion. My daughters aparents are awesome and love her so much. My life is wonderful (but crazy.....) I have an awesome family with my 2 beautiful dogs and wonderful husband and his 10 year old son(part time). Adoption saved my life and made me who I am today! I am someone who strongly believes in fate and everything happens for a reason. If you knew my whole story and how I met my husband, if I had not placed my daughter we never would have met! I love my daughter but know we are both where we are supposed to be.
So often you see the negative side and not the postive. Adoption can be a wonderful thing!!! Remain confident in your decsion if you know in your heart its the right thing then it is!
If you ever do want to talk pm and I would happy to talk to you.
Laura
PS>> Your story about your life growing up with your bi-polar mom also hit home to me too. Although I was not abused my father bi-polar, and I had a very hard childhood. As he was in and out of mental hospitals and tried to kill himself many times.

[mammio]

Hi...I was reading some of the stories and feelings of people and your story sounds so similar to mine...mine was 31 years ago now but does not seem like it has been that long. I got pregnant at 16. My parents were very supportive with whatever decision i decided to make and i appreciated them for that but knew at the same time that they were not in a position to take care of a new baby. I was still in high school, not working, so after many months of thought I decided the best decision would be to give my baby up for adoption. I felt like you...if someone were going to adopt my baby, then she became theirs. I didn't have visits, pictures or anything. I didn't want to cause them any trouble by trying to stay in contact. I had given up that right by the decision that I had made. She was born on my 17th birthday. What a gift. I felt like I was given a huge gift of heartache. It was the hardest decision that I had ever made in my life...When she was born I didn't even see her...my family did. At any rate, she was gone even before i got out of the hospital. I felt like you do...i felt as though i would never get over the feeling of loss...which actually i didn't for a very long time...i really don't know if i totally did...every birthday that came was a hard day for me...i talked to people telling them that one day i hoped that she would find me just so she could see that i was a nice person and that i made the decision for her best interest. I wanted her to have a good life with people that were older, more mature, and ready to be parents. As the years went by, I still thought about her but each year was easier knowing in my heart that i made the right decision. Well, I am here to say, pray everyday that your hurt is eased with the thought that you know what was best. and know in your heart that one day if it is meant to be you will be in that babies life again one day. Last October, i was in Oklahoma, my brother had just been diagnosed terminal with cancer ...he is 45. I was so broken hearted and sad...it was on that day that my daughter called me and told me she had some awesome news...she said that the daughter i had given up for adoption had been looking for me. My daughter immediately sent an email to her to see if she would respond. My daughter had been trying to locate her a few years ago but had found nothing. She was so excited that she continued trying to contact her. A few days later we got an email from her...she said that she had always known that she was adopted and that she had decided that she wanted to find her birhtmother who was me...she is 31 years old...i have waited for this day for that long. She was the God given light that i needed on the day i heard about my brother. Ever since then we have been emailing a few times a month. We have not spoken on the phone yet or met, but we have exchanged pictures on email. I am very thankful for how far it has come and that this day finally arrived. I am letting her take her time with things but hope that me meet someday. I feel in my heart that we will...so, i guess what i am saying is know in your heart that you made the right decision...know that the pain or loss feeling may never completely go away and that is okay...just know you have that feeling...and keep praying that one day that child comes back into your life...never give up...God is with you in this...

[FClareCat]

I empathize with your saddness; I am a birth grandmother. I also am an adoptee, an adoptive mother and a birth mother, so I"ve really felt almost every part of the adoption circle. I was always happy that my mom and dad adopted my brother and I. I searched for my Bmom so thta I could get some necessary health information, plus I did want to know the rest of the story that I had received from the government. After I met with my Bmom, I wass thrilled that I grew up with my mom and dad. My Bmom's family were cold, and had great difficulties expressing their emotions. I've made all the gestures, but have decided that since she is obviously not too interested, that I will not communicate with her, unless I hear rom her first. I met her in 1989. I actually talked to my Bbrother first, and learned that I had 2 other siblings. After I met my Bmom, I asked her when she would talk to my other siblings. She wasn't ready to at that time, because she said it wasn't something she wanted to talk about over the phone. We are now well into 2006 and she still hasn't told them. I am not someone to be ashamed of; I've been married 32 years, I have 2 adult children and 4 grandchildren, I do very important volunteer work and I had a career. My family has always been very open with one another - it was impossible not to know where someone stood ona particular subject. I am a forthright person and I do not like to think of the person I would be if I grew up in a house of secrets and non-expression. So, the thing I am most grateful for, from my birth mom, is that shse made the same difficult choice that you have. She was in a terrible position, and her mother created the woman she is today. It never crossed my mind to blame her; my mom and dad always told us that she did the hardest thing a human can do, all for me. I know that you have done the same. I hope the feelings and strength that you used will also support you through this difficult time.

[hello&goodbye]

Please allow me to throw my two cents in. I believe that some people were not meant to be parents. Nothing wrong with that, it just was not something in them, to do. So why get saddled with a child, they did not want. Not all birth mothers want to keep thier children, My birth mother did not, and now that i have some more facts, I am so ever grateful. Added to the fact she was not a teenager, but a full grown woman when I was born attests to the fact that children were not for her.

[whimmy]

I partially agree with you. Some people aren't meant to be parents, however age has nothing to do with it. I am 28. I would love to be a mom! A stay at home mom even. I am a nanny. Children are my world. My son deserves 2 parents that are exstatic over him, to be financially secure, and not have to be 28 years old before he gets to go to college and start getting his life together. It would destroy me if I gave him anything less. His adoptive parents are exactly the parents I want to be. And will be someday, just not now on account of the hand I've been dealt in life. Don't assume that with age comes financial stability and a loving 2 parent home for a child! I actually credit my age for the mature, drama free decision I have made. One I probably would not have made as a teenager!

[NJNative]

"I partially agree with you. Some people aren't meant to be parents, however age has nothing to do with it. I am 28. I would love to be a mom! A stay at home mom even. I am a nanny. Children are my world. My son deserves 2 parents that are exstatic over him, to be financially secure, and not have to be 28 years old before he gets to go to college and start getting his life together. It would destroy me if I gave him anything less. His adoptive parents are exactly the parents I want to be. And will be someday, just not now on account of the hand I've been dealt in life. Don't assume that with age comes financial stability and a loving 2 parent home for a child! I actually credit my age for the mature, drama free decision I have made. One I probably would not have made as a teenager!"

I think you are making mature, well thought out decisions for both yourself and your baby. You have to do what YOU know in your heart is right for you, not what others tell you to do. Best of everything to you, your baby and your baby's potential adoptive parents.

Robin

[~felix~]

Hi .. I believe as a first mother reunited, you hope you made the right decision. Bottom line for most mothers who choose another family is the best option for their child, there are years and years of baggage, grief, loss. I hope u make the right choice. For me I had no choice at all. This was early 1970's when society and family scorned a woman with baby.

Please think this over.. it's natural to be with your own nature, very unatural not to be.

~Felix~

[whimmy]

Ahh!! I'm going to scream!

First of all, my niece was adopted. I saw my sister and brother in law go through the heart-ache of not having a child for years. I have also seen a child get a fair chance at life, because of her birthmothers decision. She may not be our blood, or it may be unatural as you say. But we don't differeniate. She is our family!
My decision has been based on what is best for my child, not society, not what "looks right", and not based on what is best for me. I've been through things in my life that make people shutter. Baggage.. been there done that. I would have more baggage if my child were slighted as to make me feel better. I am going through enough right now and am so sick of having to give a **** disclaimer to some people.
God has led me to this decision and found my child the best family possible. It hurts, and will always hurt, I know. But it is the right thing to. And I only need to be around and talk to people who respect and support my decision. I am not looking for anybody to play devil's advocate at this point. That was helpful when I was trying to make my decision. Not now that I have made my my decision!!

[AwaitingBeloved]

Hi Whimmy,
Just wanted to lend you some support. I haven't been in your shoes. It can be hard here sometimes to find people who you can relate to, no matter what side of the triad you're on. But don't give up, you'll eventually get some powerful feedback and get the support that you're yearning for.

Hang in there. Want you to know that I'm thinking of you.

Best Wishes to you.

[LouiseT]

I'm glad you have made your decision.
I haven't had time to read this whole thread, but wanted to jump in as an adoptee who did not have contact with my birthfamily growing up. I had an amazing life and have no feelings of loss or pain.

You are right, you have to do what's right for you.
Even if it may not appear to be the popular viewpoint.
Only you can make that decision.

And I want to add that whenever you read message boards or internet sites about topics like this, keep in mind who the posters are and what brought them to this site. I promise you there are many happy and healthy adoptees out there that don't even know board like this exist! SO you may not hear too much about their experiences.

Best wishes to you!

[aray]

Hi - I just wanted to drop a quick note - that as my situation of fully deciding adoption or not for my unborn has yet to happen - I feel the same way you do. I've already told the agency that I want the names of the adoptive parents and there number in a sealed envelope and should I choose to contact them about my child it will be my choice - but to fully want my child to find me once they've turn 18 should they choose to. I am going to 'pick' out the parents, but I don't want to know where they live, what there names are, or any specifics. It would be too hard if I were to pass through that town or state and wonder , is that my child, is that my child.........

I want a happy life for my child, and I know that they will know right away that they are adopted and loved so very much by me and the birthfather - and we also plan on writing letters and when I choose to send those - will be my choice. but when I do - boy will their mail man will have a heavy box of letters to carry!

So my adoption I'm choosing (again should I choose adoption) is not a closed adoption but an open one - but an open one that will not have me 'involved' directly with the child's life. It may sound cruel to some - but like I said I feel the same way you do - I want my child to live as 'normally' as possible considering there circumstances. Isn't that why we choose adoption?

I wish you all the best in life!! And I hope your child does seek you out!!

prayers and best wishes!

[Free_to_be_me]

I know this is a fairly old thread, but I wanted to answer the original question-YES. I am absolutely happy with my decision to place my baby for adoption. It has been hard and I have cried a lot, but my birthdaughter is very happy, has a wonderful family and our adoption situation has turned out better than I could have ever imagined. I wouldn't change anything about it.

[dmca]

You sure sound like you have it all together. I don't blame you. I felt the same way, I wanted PERMANENT parents for my daughter. To be frank I doubt I could have handled it when she was 18 even. I think you made the right decision. God bless you. It will be hard, it never gets easier. But MOST of the children adopted are with good homes with good parents, which is what we wanted , right?
dmca

[myheart]

Originally Posted by ~felix~

Please think this over.. it's natural to be with your own nature, very unatural not to be.
~Felix~

Are you kidding me?
What is so unatural about being a parent? And don't tell me THAT NOT HAVING THE SAME BLOODLINE AS MY SON, MAKES ME UNATURAL. The last I saw,... my blood is the same color as my sons, it flows the same way.WE ARE BOTH HUMAN BEINGS...that is our common ground.....Is it not? So, that in itself makes us of the same nature. My husband and I are not related gentically, so does this make our relationship unatural. Absolutly not! Loving one an other just for the sake of Love...is very Natural!! We are a family, a very Loving family and in my book....this is completley NATURAL!

[stillwaiting]

MyHeart - Good question...I am wondering the same thing....Felix....what's up with this comment?

BTW, MyHeart - Love the pic of Jesus holding the baby!