[aura]

I am not sure if this is where to post this but my adoptive mom has a question. I am an adoptee who just recently found my birthmom. My adoptive parents have supported my search, they even helped in gathering information, and I have found alot of information for adoptees and birthmoms in reunion but what about for adoptive moms. My birthmom called on Thanksgiving and I have told my adoptive mom. My mom and I have a very open relationship and have always been able to talk about anything, this is bringing us closer but she is feeling all kinds of emotions and isn't sure what to make of it. She ask if there was any information available on the forums I belong to so I am checking for her. Any info would be appreciated! Aura

[love4]

I am an adoptive mom in reunion and I had many emotions to deal with. Would she be willing to email me?
I would be happy to be a support to her. I understand because I am living it.

[aura]

I wish she would come here but she is very shy when it comes to this kind of stuff. I tried to tell her how wonderful this place is and I wish she would talk to someone but she wants to do it alone, she assures me she is alright. We have been talking very openly about things and I hope that is enough. I think things will work out I just wish she would give this site a chance. This place has been my life line some days. Everyone understands what you are going through and is so supportive here, I don't think I would have had the courage and strength to continue my search without the wonderful people here. I will keep working on her and hopefully she will take my advice. Thanks for your reply! Aura

[love4]

I understand. If she would like me to email her just to talk I would be willing. I too am thankful for this site. It has helped me greatly in understanding all members of the triad. I found another women in the same situation and the two of us have been a great support to each other. take care.

[aura]

Just wanted to let you know mom seems to be okay, I think it's my dad who is having a harder time with this. I know in time everyone will find where they fit and they will all realize it's not about anyone trying to take over, it's about making room in our family for one more! My birthmom said she isn't trying to take over, I have my parents, she just wants to know us all and be a part of my life and theirs. I think that helped my mom out alot, to hear that from my b-mom. All will be well in time. Thanks for the support! Aura

[Southernroots]

I have two suggestions for you.

First, there is a wonderful article written by Colleen Bucker, aka the Search Guru written especially for adoptive moms. She is an adoptive mom who searched for and found her daughter's birth mom. Here's the link:
http://e-magazine.adoption.com/artic...ve-parents.php

There is also a booklet called: Courageous Blessing by Carol Demuth (another adoptive mom, I believe) that she might want to order.

Many adoptive parents are unaware that reunion can bring adopted children closer to their adoptive parents too - something your mother has already figured out. Just think that it is good to keep reminding your adoptive parents that your heart is big enough for two sets of parents.

[aura]

Thanks Southern roots,

I sent that article to my mom and dad, I hope it helps them. I wish I could get them to come here but they are both very private about their feelings. There are so many wonderful people here, I know this has been a life line for me at times. Thanks for the article and the support! Aura

[Southernroots]

You're welcome! My son's adoptive mom and I have a really good relationship. From day one she supported his search and now supports our reunion. For that, and for doing such a wonderful job in raising him, I love and respect her.

I think that she was so thrilled that I embraced our son wholeheartedly at reunion and that she feels the same way about me. At any rate, I think knowing that his "two mothers" have an amicable relationship has to be good for him!

My son's adoptive mom and I have discussed the fact that we feel connected because of our mutual love for our son. That's the way it should be I think!

Good luck! Enjoy your new reunion!

[aura]

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to update you all, my mom wants to have lunch with my birthmom, just the three of us! I think that is pretty huge and a big step for her. I have done alot of reassuring and told her that I love her and noone will ever replace or change who she is to me and I think it is helping too. My dad is still staying quiet but I pray in time he will come around. I don't expect him to be friends with her but they will be at my daughters birthday together in January so I am hoping they can all be cordial. Hope all is well with all of you and thanks for the replys. Happy holidays everyone! Aura

Southernroots, my mom said to thank you for that article, it made her see things a little differently and she appreciated it very much!

[Loiseer]

I'm there too - my daughter aged 34 found her birthmom in June, F2F in November. I very much supported her searching and there are so many positives - but still.... I'd love to have a support team to go through this first holiday. Birthmom is staying at my daughter's for Christmas weekend.

[aura]

I am trying to keep their feelings in concideration as well as my birthmoms and sometimes it's hard, I guess because I need to know my birthmom for me too. We always have a big family get together on Christmas Eve at our house, and we are doing it again this year, my mom asked if I was inviting my birthmom and I said no. I kind of feel it would be like putting a cat in a room full of german shepards, does that make sense? We are having my birthmom come out Christmas morning so she can spend time with us and watch her granddaughter open presents and have breakfast with us. This way everyone is included without making anyone uncomfortable. My daughters birthday in January and that is the first event where everyone is invited so I hope it all goes well. My mom wants to go out to lunch with my birthmom before then, I just hope my dad comes around, he won't talk about any of this. I know this is hard but it will all work in the end, it has too. Aura

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by Southernroots

There is also a booklet called: Courageous Blessing by Carol Demuth (another adoptive mom, I believe) that she might want to order.

Actually she is adopted. Very good booklet.

[Mary Lu]

To Southern Roots -

I am a birthmother whose first meeting with my child in nearly 40 years occured just yesterday. I found that article by Colleen Bucker to be just beautiful, and I am saving it to share with my daughter when the time is right. At the moment, she is still trying to decide how to handle it with her parents that we have found each other. I don't feel it is my place to push, especially since she has adopted siblings whose feelings she must consider as well. For now, I am just going to enjoy the fulfillment that I am experiencing by knowing my daughter is okay, that she has loving parents, and that I've had the privilege of meeting her and hugging her. Thanks again for the article!

[puzzleiomplete]

This article couldnt of come at a more perfect time for me to read. I am just getting home from my a-families house celebrating my brothers birthday. I have found and been reunited with my birth family for almost 4 years now. It all has been so great and I have been very welcomed. It is a great feeling. I have 2 kids...9 and 5 and today my 9 year old was showing my a-mom something that was given to him by my birthdad. We were on our way out and I only heard part of his converstation and heard my b-dads name. When we were on our way home I asked him if he told grandma where he got what he had. He said yes and told her his name. I then waited and asked a little more and he said he said that his grandpa ..... gave it to him. And then said his name. My stomach sank I and I feel sick because of not wanting to hurt my parents. I have been very honest with my kids and dont want him to feel he did wrong. My a-parents wont talk to me about this and it is so hard. I came home and found the email about this forum and have printed the letter to someday give to them so maybe they will understand. It is hard because when I have tried to talk they just dont want to hear it. I really like how this letter was written and it was very well said in my eyes as an adoptee. Thanks for listening. Just needed a place to talk :- )

[aura]

Hi everyone,

Welcome to the forums Puzzleiomplete, there is a great group of people here and many of them I would concider friends. It is so hard to find the common ground between our need, as adoptees, to know our birthparents, and the need for our adoptive parents to accept that and not get hurt. I am so protective of my mom and dad, they are who raised me and supported me and nothing will change that and on the same hand my birthparents are why I am here, they were the answer to my mom and dad's prayers, it's also because of them my daughter is here. I am one of the lucky ones, my parents supported my search and even helped me to find my birthparents but I know it bothers them now that she has surfaced. My mom and I talk openly about how we feel and I reassure her all the time and tell her I love her but I know on some level, I am a mom myself and it would bug me a little, that it bugs her. I want to tell my mom everything, every little detail of our phone conversations and meetings, but I am finding that is not a good idea, I am worried about hurting her so I keep alot of the details to myself. I hope at some point that everyone will find their place, and they will, and I realize also that it's not up to me to find it for them, they have to do that for themselves. I wish all of you luck in your searches and reunions! God bless! Aura