[tlc4kidz]

I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post this, but here goes.....I am an adoptive mom to a 1 and 2 year old who were placed with us as fosterchildren at birth. We have a great relationship with their birthparents, and even though they have moved across the country we correspond by letter. My fear is that they will disappear and the kids may have questions later on that I won't have answers to.

Since they (birthparents) are so open and willing to share, thought it might be good to find out some things now. Is there anything that you, as an adoptee, wish you knew or even were very thankful that you did know? I appreciate your willing to share and making a difference for my 2......they are the light of my life and I'm always looking insight into what it will be like for them growing up!

[sherrykimball]

Medical history thats the thing that really started me looking

[jeanette reno]

I didn't know anything growing up. I would have loved to know there names, and have had pictures. and some kind of medical background would have been great.
I think it would also be nice to know the complete story of what happened. How my bp met, why I was given up, stuff like that.

[foundbaby72]

First of all - I think you are wonderful for thinking about your children and what they may want to know in the future. I don't blame them, and I love them, but I don't think my parents ever gave any thought to the 'baby' being a 'woman' someday when they adopted me. I think it was, in part, the climate of adoption in the early 70s.

I am now reunited but when I was younger the things I wanted to know included: names and ages of my first parents, things they did/thought/enjoyed for work and leisure, the cirucmstances of their relationship and my relinquishment, how they were over time (after my placement) and, or course, family medical history and general family history (i.e. What are their parents like, how many siblings do they have, physical traits, interests, etc., who knew/knows about me). Speaking for myself, I was always interested in the 'stories' of people (any people, actually, but mine in particular) and the motivations, culture, social climate of the times they lived in. My brother (also adopted, six years older) never wanted to know any of that. It's a matter of personal interest. You probably know your kids better than anyone. Just wanting to get this for them is a beautiful thing!! Just my two cents.

[tlc4kidz]

Thank you all for the input! Foundbaby.....I always wondered if female adoptees have more questions, that's how we women are in general IMO.

[083174lubbocktx]

My parents always told me I was adopted. I never knew anything different nor did I ever feel left out. But as an adult I wish my parents were more open about their feelings on if I were to ever want to search for and what involvement they would have if I ever found them. Of course this would be for the young adult or adult conversation. Never the less I am 31 and have made contact with bmom, but not sure how to tell or include my mom on this sensitive subject.

Ashley

[itsamiracle]

I'd want to have pictures as far back in the generations as possible, and names. Also, what countries they all came from and religions. Also, where they've lived and years for everything. That's about it! Maybe where they are buried.

[ALI143]

I would ask them all the questions that are in the front of baby books. You know the How we met, our family tree, all those things. If I ever found my daughters birth family I'd ask:


Who is your best friend?

Which dreams do you remember?

Have you ever seen animals in the sky?

What did you do in your mother’s belly?

What do you like to smell?

What do you do when you’re bored?

What is your favorite toy still?

Where would you like to live someday?

What pet do you wish you could have?

Do you still have something from your childhood?

Who was your first crush?

Have you ever cooked something with your dad?

Is there something you don’t like to eat?

What stories do they tell about you as a baby?

Which of your pictures makes you the proudest?

What kind of music do you like to make?

What was it like when you were born?

Is there a bad word you think is funny?

What can your dad do really well?

Whom don’t you like to kiss?

Have you ever picked fruit off a tree?

What book do you really like?

Have you ever named a doll?

If you were queen, what would you change?

Do you know what your parents looked like when they were little?

What do you hope your children learn?

With whom do you like to cuddle?

What do you like to collect?

Is there someone you can’t stand?

What can you do better than your parents?

How do people make you laugh?

What have your grandparents told you about their childhood?

What story can you tell?

Did you ever give an animal a name?

What special thing can you do with your hands?

What do you wish that could never come true?

What do you see when you look out your window?

Were you ever all alone?

Did you write your name in the sand?

What do you play in the snow?

With whom would you like to trade places?

What makes you really mad?

Do you have a secret?

What do you do every day?

What will you keep forever?

What do you wish you could do really well?

Who’s in your family?

Did you ever make your own toys?

How did you pick Chloe's and her siblings names?

What are you afraid of?

What kind of house would you like to build for yourself?

Where would you like to travel?

What is your guardian angel’s name?

What’s your favorite fairy tale?

What do you like to touch?

What is your favorite nail color?

What music was your favorite when you were five and fifteen?

What noises do you hear in the morning?

Did you ever play in the woods?

What have you brought back from a trip?

What do you do when you’re freezing?

What is your favorite gem?

What do you like to do in the summer time?

What is your favorite season?

What makes you sad?

What kinds of vehicle do you like best?

What do you like to paint?

How did your parents choose your name?

What Barbie is your favorite?

Have you ever been homesick?

What do you put on to look good?

What do you know how to fix?

Do you have anything that belonged to your parents when they were little?

Whom can you talk to about everything?

Which animals scare you?

What jobs did you think were interesting when you were a kid?

What’s your favorite place to play?

What do you think is cute?

Have you ever lost anything your still looking for?

What was your last fight about?

Did you ever comfort someone?

What is your favorite drink?

What would you like to know more about?

What words can’t you pronounce?

What age was your happiest?

What do you do that you shouldn’t?

Have you ever taken a fun class outside of school?

Which sports do you like?

Which are your favorite animals at the zoo?

Did you have a favorite teacher?

Do you prefer bacon or sausage with your breakfast?

What was your favorite movie when you were fourteen?

When do you eat everything on your plate?

What would you like to be?

What makes you laugh?

Where do you like to hide?

What feels good on your skin?

What rules have you made?

Did you ever watch the moon rise?

Whom do you miss?

What is your favorite kind of juice?

What have you taught someone?

Is there anything good about being sick?

Where would you like to sleep tonight?

Where would you like to wake up tomorrow morning?

What foods are your favorites?

Whom did you nurse back to health?

Who do you think is good looking?

Where have you discovered footprints?

What do you like to build with?

Are you better at math or reading?

Where is your favorite place to shop?

What game have you invented?

Did you ever accidentally fall into water?

What do you need when you go to bed?

What famous person do you resemble?

Did you ever paint a self-portrait?

What household chore do you enjoy?

Who’s your favorite Disney character?

Have you ever written a poem?

Who was your best friend in first grade?

Which toys from your childhood do you still like?

What is your favorite part in the Wizard of OZ?

What was your favorite story when you were little?

What makes you feel tough?

What is your favorite TV shows?



Just in case my daughter was curious*lol*

[tlc4kidz]

ALI......love it! That ought to give me something to work on for the next decade or two !

[ALI143]

They'd have to be a pretty paitent pair!

[heartened]

Definitely get as much of the genealogy as possible. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Grandparents, Great Grandparents, etc. Where did the family originate? Did they immigrate and when/why? Are there any super special cultural or familial traditions? What is their important cultural history? What talents do extended family members posess? Physical descriptions and pictures of extended family so your children can look at them later and see where they got their nose, eyes, etc. Strange how important something as simple as that can be to a person.

One of the best gifts you could give your children would be to ask the birth parents to ask members of the birth family who would be willing to write a short letter detailing a special memory they have. You know how we listen to grandparents telling stories of when they were younger, and how much that means to us? If you can capture some of those memories of the birth family for your child, you will be providing them with something truly amazing.

[tlc4kidz]

Thank you heartened. We actually have an open adoption with paternal birth grandparents. I have gotten lots of geneological info on bdad's side from them, but you are right, I need to pursue bmom's extended family more.

[leaabc123]

TLC, a good one that I have heard is "Tell me about the day I was born".

[ripples]

Dana,
Glad to hear that you and the birth family are taking such a proactive role in your adopted childrens' future and are open to insights on what it might be like for them as they're growing up. I'd certainly agree with all the suggestions that others have posted so far.

I'd also recommend some of the adoption literature to gain a further context on what might be going through the heads and hearts of both your adopted children and their birth families. "Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier (about adoptees), and Evelyn Robinson's article (about the grief experienced by birth mothers and adoptees) http://nebula.on.ca/canbmothers/Engl...s/robinson.htm are some of the recommended readings from my local post-adoption resource centre.

Regards,
Ripples