[kathleenwalters]

I was adopted at the age of a few months in 1963. I was the second child of my AP's, the only daughter of a long married couple. My AP's were married 25 years when divorced and I was adopted when they hit the 15 year mark.
My older brother arrived in their household 2 years prior to my arrival. The whole family knew of my brothers pending arrival because my AP's went through 2 years of screening. When the decission to adopt me came along it was under different circumstances. They were planning a separation due to the stress and strain of parenthood with my brother and my dad coming from a large family believed that my grandmother never complained of a large brood and was content and stable and if he and my mom adopted another child perhaps this is just what the household needed to restore balance.
As you can imagine a new arrival did not balance the family it added more stress and eventually contributed to the demise of their family dream.
Like many adoptee's I was informed at a tender age. I was 5, this was 2 years after my AP's separation. I did not understand the semantics of adoption as I was 5.
This information did not soothe or comfort me about my parents separation and it also did not enhance my relationship with my AP's. I was told by my mom when she was overwhelmed and the hostility is something she to this day is not able to let go of. I came to terms with the reality of my situation years ago. I totally understand her anger at my dad for breaking his vow to honor the marriage and also his insistance on another child when she was not comfortable with the decission from the begining, I myself have experienced resentment in my own life when I have felt forced to do something I did not support. I can imagine her fear of abandonment by him if she did not accept his decision to adopt another child. I also know and accept that for her the family was a complete unit with one child. My mom comes from a family that openly accepts one child and if there are any more other children biological or not, they experience simular situations of abandonment and detachment simular to me.
I am very grateful to my birth parents for allowing me a chance at life. My life is fabulous! I have been married for over 27 years and I have 3 wonderful grown children.
I do not have problems loving or feeling loved, I also accept and respect others feelings and decisions.
Life can be complex. Human exsistance is complicated and ever changing. Things happen.
We really are all novices.
My dad had much remorse for all of the decisions he made in his life. The last few years of his life he cried during every telephone call to me due to guilt. It was during one of these emotional calls he explained that he never did anything intentionally to hurt my brother and me. He always loved us and wanted us, He was just ignorant of the ramifications of his actions.
I totally understood his pain then and now, it is crystal clear, he was human.
That was the second greatest gift my Adopted dad ever gave me . The first was adopting me regardless of the outcome.
My adoption was closed, and my desire to find my biological family has never been intense. I know that my family had 4 children by 1965. Boy, girl, girl(me),boy. The boys recieved complete names and the girls were called baby girl. I have always assumed the boys were not adopted out, yet the girls were.
When I read posts about biological parents wanting to name their children prior to adoption it warms my heart. Because for an adopted adult rationale tells us that this is an intimate connection that the bio's held towards their child. It cements the reality that there is love and compassion for their child and this is healing for an adoptee.
If you think about it I was abandoned by 2 sets of parents. How does someone come to grips with that? LOVE and Acceptance. Both sets of my parents have felt tremendous pain. That grieves me, because I know that this is an unnecesary action.
I have always known love,
I have always sought love,
My life is a testimony that I have always recieved love.
I have recieved a chance at life, I am always going to appreciate each day and everyone involved!
Thank you to my entire family both bio and adopted!
I am blessed!

[lealee]

My a family have said and done all the above except love me. I was just a problem to through money at. It took me 41 years to realize it was there problem and all I had to do was walk away. What a supprise 2 years latter I feel better about myself and I even starting to like myself. No contact with my aparents has really been good to me. Some people should never be allowed near kids. Words hurt more than floggings and the scares take longer to heal

[xemtrockstarx]

Don't worry I was just watching a show the other day when a mother told her biological children she did not like kids but liked sex :/ Strangest wife swap I'd ever witnessed.

[salemskeeper]

I can relate. I'm about to turn 32, my bday's at theend of the month, which's always a hard time for me. My aparents refused to share info about my biological family and acted like it was an insult and I was a bad child for even asking. I think as adoptees we have that NEED to know where we came from. We look at all these other "normal" people who have definative bloodlines and open history, those who can say they look like or have charcteristics of their family. We don't have that, that's the missing piece of our lives and we carry that in everything we do and all our relationships, even as adults.
Dad42-you are amzing in my opinion. Keeping every piece of info you have will be an awsome gift to your children. Having answers really makes a difference. Even if they never want to contact their birthfamily, having the info there will mean everything to them. What a wonderful father! Your kids are very lucky.
Nobody's child-we share the same shrink experience. My aparents had been taking me toshrink insisting something was wrong with me. One day shrink called amother in and told her it wasn't all me, that she had to change something too. I never went back, she pulled me out and I never went to another shrink til I was an adult. You feel the same as I do, I don't want pity I want understanding. There are kids who've had painful childhoods and I know it could've bben much worse. But that doesn't take away fromthe pain I feel every day over the people who were supp to love me as their own and they never came close...

[salemskeeper]

Originally Posted by lealee

My a family have said and done all the above except love me. I was just a problem to through money at. It took me 41 years to realize it was there problem and all I had to do was walk away. What a supprise 2 years latter I feel better about myself and I even starting to like myself. No contact with my aparents has really been good to me. Some people should never be allowed near kids. Words hurt more than floggings and the scares take longer to heal

I agree. It's amazing how much better you feel about yourself when you're strong enough to walk away and cut off contact. Feeling better about yourself and having self-worth is much better than the self-loathing and misery of trying to get that love that will never come. I'm glad I'm not the only one who's had this kind of relationship w/aparents.