[Princess Purr]

I have been trying to work my way through the forum, I always figured that when we adopted a child we would celebrate there birthday, and the day that they were offical our child. Is this wrong to do? We just want to give the child as much love as possible, and make the day they were adopted speical like there birthday.
Also, is it good to read stories like, I love you like crazy cakes, and other preschool adoption stories to them? Again, I don't want to make the child uncomfortable, I just want them to know about the adoption, where they came from, how long we wanted them and how they finally came to our families. My husband had a VERY ruff childhood, he was raised by his bio parents but they did not give him the love and attention a child needs, it has really affected him and I do not want to ever cause that emotional pain to a child.
We both have our total hearts into adopting. It is not that we can't have bio children, we could get pregnant again but we both feel after losing Veronica, that giving birth to a child is not what our main goal is, our goal is to have a family and raise two happy children, we want do that through adoption.
I just don't want to make any mistakes that will cause the child to suffer in any way.

[mom2justynsarah]

Hi,

I am both a bio mom & an adoptive mom. My son is 6 years old. He was conceived through the miracle of IVF. My daughter Sarah is almost 5 months old. She was came into our family through the miracle of an infant domestic adoption plan.

I think it's an absolute must for aparents to be open & honest about how their child(ren) came into their lives. YES, adoption should be something to celebrate.

I look at my daughter every day in complete awe, with my heart bursting with love. How could I ever be dishonest with her and NOT discuss her adoption in a positive light?

Besides, we are in an open adoption agreement with her birthparents. They live in California and we live in S. Florida. We communicate by telephone and or mail.

I think if your going to adopt a baby (child) then the best interest should be in the well being of that child. Just like you celebrate the birth of a natural child, do the same for your adopted child. If you want, it's up to you to celebrate both the birthday AND the day they were officially adopted (finalization).

Good luck with your future plans!

Julie

[ChitownTracy]

Hi Val, wow so much of what you said hit home. first to answer your question, JMHO, as an adult adoptee who is adopting i think it is very important to celebrate our differences that make us an unique family. I can understand the concern about making the child feel uncomfortable, but i think a child will feel even more uncomfortable if thier adoption is like the giant elephant in the room, that no one mentions, but tip toes around. (goofy saying sorry) If from the beginnning you celebrate your child's adoption and maybe even b-family, it will not feel as uncomfortable, it will just be part of who they are....
And then what you said at the end of your post about TTC and the main goal of having a family...boy can i relate to that...after ttc for 16 months and a m/c at 12 weeks....i am so done with ttc and preg... Not many people get this...i often get a lot of weird looks and comments like: you know you can get preg, and you haven't been ttc for THAT long...blah blah blah...i am sure you can relate all too well also....woosh that got long...take care...
Tracy

[anifish]

Tracy, It is so funny that you bring up reading stories. My parents read a book to me from the time I could comprehend its meaning. I cherish that book.We could have read it everynight if it was up to me. My parents had to watch it though because I would tell all the neighborhood kids that they weren't as lucky as I was because they got to pick me out special and that they weren't. It told me how special I was and that I was picked especially for them. My parents had to keep and eye on me because when was around 5 years old I started to tell my neighborhood freinds that I was specially picked and their parents just took what they got. Kinda mean I know but I was just so proud of that. The story and the illistrations were beautifull. It meant alot to me and the memories of siting in their laps while they read can not be replaced. It was the first among many postitive impressions of how adoption affected me. It started the cycle for a honest trustworthy and all loveing relationship between myself, my father, and mother. I also think that celebating the adoptees final adoption day is a wonderfull way of celebrating how special that day was for all of you, even extended family. What a great mother you will be. These ideas are really great and will make your child feel so loved. I am so happy to read these posts of adoptive parents so filled with love and concern of their childrens wellbeing. God bless you and your soon to be babys Andi

[Lady Rose]

When I was growing up, my parents celebrated my birthday, and six weeks later we celebrated my " Adoption Day ". That is, the day they brought me home.


The birthday was 'done up' like any other kids birthday. The adoption day was just about me, and us as a family. It always included a small cake, and a small gift or two.

To this day (and I'm 33 years old) my dad and I send cards to each other for our Adoption Day. That is the day I feel closest to him.

[anifish]

lady rose that is awesome. what a wonderfull way to celebrate. I think every adoptee deserves to celebrate adoption day. It should just be said that every adoptee should have a birthday and official Adoption Day. I wish my Dad were alive and someone gave me the idea to send him the same kind of card. He would have been so touched. He loved me to pieces and I him. I know that not all adoptees have the same situation but they SHOULD.

[memour]

I just want to say that we celebrate birthday and adoption day (the day we brought her home) we do a small cake and a couple of small gifts and tell the story about "the phone call" that changed everything. My daughter is 5 and really gets into the whole adpotion thing cause we share how special she is all the time and how thankful we are for her. Also we never forget to tell her how much her birth mother loved her and much courage it took to place her in our lives to care for. I hope you are blessed with a child soon and can have a great life.

[Tsmom]

I had always planned to celebrate our daughters "Gotcha Day", but now I am worried that our bio child will not have a special day for himself (Outside of his birthday, which our adopted daughter will have too) and will become resentful to his little sister. Any ideas on how to make our son feel special as well? Is it ok if they share the day?
Also, I have read that adopted children look at their birthdays and adoption day as an abondonment day from the birthparents. Any ideas how to handle this if it comes up?
Thanks!

[ddhuab]

Maybe instead of referring it to Gotcha Day you can call it Family Day, because that will be the day you officially became the family that you now are (does that make sense)? (Of course, then I guess if you adopted a 3rd child, you would change 'family day' to another date). I am not sure what I would do... I hadn't really thought about that yet. (gee, and I thought I had it all figured out ).

Princess Purr: I think your instincts are very good and you are going to do fine. I want our child to be proud of her adoption, but I don't want her to feel defined by it... I think you will feel your way around the right amount of adoption talk/celebration.

Good luck,
D.

[richelle_06]

i am adopted, and i've know all my life that i was. my parents have told me everything about what they went through to get me and i have always loved hearing about it. i even have and "adoption anniversary" for the day that my adoption was finalized and my parents got to take me home. it is sort of like a second birthday for me. i love the fact that i'm adopted. it makes me unique and i think anyone who is adopted should know they are so that they will know that they are wanted and loved.

[tasrby79]

I just wanted to add that I was adopted and it was something that was not openly discussed in my family and I wish it was. On occasion it would come up but was always awkward, my father has never discussed it with me. I have three siblings who aren't adopted and they never discuss it with me. If my parents wanted to talk about I remember being asked to go do soemthing else I walked in on several discussions about my adoption. I don't recommend doing this the last time someone in my family discussed my adoption was almost ten years ago I was 19 had a miscarraige and my mother brought up my birthmother because she was 19 when she had me. Anyway now I have kept so many secrets from my family because I have no idea how to bring it up..I have searched found both sides of my biological family and have contact with my stepbrother full brother and half sister. I also keep in contact with a cousin. My birthmother has passed on and my birthfather well he doesn't seem toh ave an interest. tonight I lied to my mother about a wedding....my stepbrother is getting married I told her it was an old friend that way if I go to the wedding she will never know whose it really is. I say be open about it I wish my family were I have so much guilt for the secrets and lies right now, but at the same time how do you bring it up when its always been a topic we dont' talk about.

[Genie Alice]

Hey guys,
I'm adopted and my parents have always talked about it and made it very open. But, about the day the adoption was finalized.... does everybody have one different from their birthday? My mom doesn't want me to look for my birthmom, and I have always been told that my birthday is March 18, 1985, could it be different? And what is a good way to ask my mom without hurting her feelings? I really want to find my birth family and I have NO information other than the adoption took place in Biloxi. They say they are not even sure of the name of the adoption agency. I wonder if they are just keeping it from me. Any advice?
Thanks!
Genie Alice Via

[Trophy Husband]

Awe, I don't think it matters much what you do as long as you want to and enjoy it. Big celebration. Adoption books. If you are emotionally worked up about the issue of adoption, your adopted kids'll probably get too worked up about it too. I'd treat it as a special thing along with lots of other special things. Follow your kids lead....in reading, celebrating, etc...just be open to answering questions and giving info appropriate to developmental stages.

not that I know anything....my adaughter is only 17 months

www.adoptingemma.blogspot.com

[Tsmom]

Trophy Husband-
I sent you a PM.
Nona

[Brennasmom]

I am sorry for your loss. As an OB nurse-I can understand the loss of your Veronica. As an adoptive mother-I cannot tell you how wondefull it is to be Brenna's mom.
We experienced unexplained fertility. We were older when we met and married. We tried six months of Clomid and no pregnancy. My husband always wanted to adopt-I needed some time to grieve for the biological that would never be. Well, I decided that I wanted to be a mom-and that it did not matter that She was not genetically linked.
So, we welcomed Brenna to our family in December 2003-she was born in South Korea. Yes-we are a blended family.
I truly believe that no matter how many lifetimes you may go through-a mother knows her child. And I was meant to be Brenna's mom.