[HappyMomAnna]

gwenmj--I agree this thread DID not get the answers that I wanted to have validated---the answers from the Adoptees who were the reason for this thread---I was rather irritated that only one Adoptee answered here and felt that by the time that adoptee did answer this thread had lost all of my intent for asking this question.

Often on this forum a new thread is started in order to maintain the topic of the old thread and not allow a discussion to divert from it's intenetions. This thread was not started in order to validate an opinion or feeling but rather to find out how the actual adoptee might feel about an issue that you did start but should be clear many of us are dealing with in relation to our own adoption situations. It would have been wrong to ask adoptees to weigh in on the other thread as that was not the reason for that thread---this practice of moving secondariy issues is very common here and happens to me all the time... So I do hope you are not offended...but this debate did not belong on your thread it belonged as its own question standing alone.

Again, I was very dissapointed that more adoptees did not offer their feelings here as it was how they feel about this subjuct that I was and continue to be interested in....unlike your situation my children do not have contact with thier older sibling adopted before my childrens birth--and they may not have contact with the new sibling born after their adoption was about to be final....

It would have been imporper forum edicut to discuss what I had hope would be discussed on this thread on your thread where you were dealing with a difficult situation...and that was why the conversation was moved here.

anna, here is another adoptee reponding...I don't think I would have wanted to be dirsupted from the only family I knew.....By 2 years old I would have belonged in that family and can not imagine being pulled from what was safe and secure.

I do believe that contact does need to be maintained somehow so the siblings will know each other.

[HappyMomAnna]

depen---Thank you! this is exactly what I am looking for honest feelings from adoptees--I can only guess how you feel---I don't want to raise my children only guessing---I want to know what DIFFERENT feelings my two might have over choices WE have made...

I also think that asking adoptees what they feel about the sibling relationship should matter to any of us who adopt a sibling without the other/s this should be something an adoptive parent considers...

BY THE WAY THIS AFTERNOON IT WAS CONFIRMED THAT MY CHILDREN HAVE ANOTHER SIBLING DUE IN THE NEAR FUTURE. IT WAS ALSO CONFIRMED THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE 2 OF 4 WE STILL ARE CONSIDERED FIRST....... SO PLEASE ADOPTEES WITH SIBLINGS FEED BACK---THESE BABIES ARE COMING FASTER THEN WE CAN THINK---FASTER THEN WE KNOW HOW TO GET READY FOR AND WITH EACH NEW BABY I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP THINKING ABOUT HAVING TO MAKE A DECISION.

WHEN WE SAID NO TO THE LAST BABY I FELT AS IF I HAD ABANDODNED MY OWN CHILD IN THE HOSPITAL!

Happymom,

IMO....you should only take on what you can honestly deal with. If you feel that you can deal with other children then go for it but to do it out of guilt and then not have the energy to keep up with it all will dono one any good.

I have to say that I really feel bad for these siblings but I don't know what the answer is.....

[magpie92154]

Hi Gwen. I realize I am posting several months after the initial discussion. Just wanted to say, I ABSOLUTELY support the baby's staying right where he is. A loving mommy and a daddy to whom he is already attached is exactly what every baby needs. It would be wonderful if he can visit his sisters regularly, as long as this is safe for the children. BUT, to yank him away from the only parents he's ever known and is bonded to??? NO WAY!!!! even if he only gets to know his sisters in five years! or twenty! ...and, it is equally important for the sisters' emotional health to maintain their bond with their parent figures, AND with the family constellation they are already accustomed to. again, if they can visit, great. if not, there is time later. my goodness! siblings cannot give what a parent can! and bonding is CRITICAL!!
thanks for letting me share my take on it. God Bless.
Margaret - proud a/mom of Katherine B, proud daughter of Katherine H. (PS my mom's grandma, Katherine P,was our family's "1st Katherine" and she was adopted. so my girl is carrying on a wonderful tradition. )