[Crmldlx]

I was adopted at 3 weeks and have had a very full and rewarding life. As an adoptee I hate the verbage that is used to title us and our separate families. Although I was adopted, my parents are my parents and my birth mother and birthfather are just that. Parents or mother and father do not suggest genetics but an actual feeling. At least in me. I hope to one day meet my birth families, but under no circumstances will they be my mom and dad. Not out of disrespect, because i will thank them for deciding to give birth and give me the opportunity to be raised by someone who is able, but because I only have one mother and father. I respect all of my families for the decisions they made to better themselves and me. My birth families were unable to care for me and someone else was. That is a great thing. It takes all parties to be unselfish for an adoption to be successful. i would never disown or take back the feeling or idea that my mom and dad are my parents. As long as i have their support in whatever I do, there is no reason for me to leave the only family i know.

[Sledge]

I hope my adopted son feels the same way as you do when he gets older. He was adopted at an older age and does remember his bmom but has never met his bdad. He is angry at her right now so I also hope he quits being mad about what happened in his situation, we treat him just like our other two kids and I hope he will always love us the way we love him.

[bromanchik]

Birthparents and adoptive parents are not "equal" because they do not have the same roles. I get a little tired of the diminishing that goes on for and from both sides.Why can't people just appreciate each other for the role they do have in their child's life instead of making it a contest?

Bromanchik,

For the sake of the adoptee thats the ONLY way to do it!! Diminishing of either aparent or bparent only serves to hurt the adoptee.

But, where does this "contest" come from? Is it the adoptee, bmom, amom? Is it due to insercurities on anyony part? I know the defensivness of my a parents came from people outside my family nor believing that we were a real family, I have endured ignoranant comments from people, some knowing I was adopted ,some not...

[Sharon]

DPen, I think you're right (and you too, of course, Brenda). I think a lot of the insecurity comes from outside the triad... and ironically enough, from triad members not really knowing one another personally.
All you have to do is read these numerous "stupid comments from strangers" thread to see what people are up against.
JMO, ~ Sharon

[dl]

bromanchik:

Birthparents and adoptive parents are not "equal" because they do not have the same roles. I get a little tired of the diminishing that goes on for and from both sides.Why can't people just appreciate each other for the role they do have in their child's life instead of making it a contest?

I agree. My adoptive parents certainly could not become my biological parents. And, my biological parents could not duplicate the lifetime of memories and shared experiences that created the feelings and bond between me and my parents. There is no contest ~ we are who we are. I think some are not content with that reality and desperately want to be more than what their role actually is. Very sad.

Crmldlx: I agree about the verbiage that is used to title us and our families. Most of these titles are not used in real life by many of us. I never even thought of myself as an adoptee until I joined this forum. Joining my family by adoption happened many years ago and I never felt it was a source of ongoing identification. I have never referred to my parents as aparents except on this forum for clarification purposes. They have always been simply my parents.