[kristiplew]

I dont really know when I was told I was adopted, I dont think that I am angry my mom gave me up. I do however wonder why like most adoptees. Since I am half black and half white and was born in 1974 I just always figured it was because My mothers father made her give me up or something like that. I was raised with my brother who is also adopted and he just recently found his birth parents to realize they had other kids and only gave him up. Well of course that would bother me, and really dont know if this has made my experience in life better or worse. The reason I dont think I am angry is because I dont cry about it, or remorse over it, But maybe I hide my feelings well. Who knows? The reason I am searching now is cause I would just like to know who they are.

[bromanchik]

The thing about adoption is that everyone processes it differently. Don't think something is wrong with you just because you are not angry. For years the adoption community have fought to validate the feelings of those involved in adoption. For me that includes all feelings. So if you feel you understand your birthmom's position and feel compassion, well, heck, more power to you!!! Not everyone struggles mightily. I believe that there are a number of factors, including temprament, social skills and parenting that effect how adopted people handle their reality.

[kristiplew]

Thanks so much, for the advice, I really appricate it. I do not know if I will feel the same way when of if i ever meet my real birth parents.

[Nikki1262]

kris
i think its wonderful that your not angry or mourning...that says so much about your adoptive family. Obviously you have lived your life and thats a great thing. I do understand the "need" of those kids who were adopted out to "find" whats missing in their life but i think its wonderful that you seem so adjusted and accepting.... be sure to give your MOM and DAD a hug today and tell them you love them JUST BECAUSE
nikki1262

[kristiplew]

thanks nikki, i never thought that way. I never thought the reason i am not angry and dont think i am is because I was blessed so much by having a very loving abodtive family,,They are really loving anc caring depsite our disagreements..I love my Adoptovie dad to death..and whoever reads this pray for him, if you believe in that....he has lukemia. Somethimes, i think of my 'family" as the only family i have had, loved, and they are all taht matters....but i know that is foolish thinking cause there is this void in my life that i need to see if it will fill....

[dl]

"I believe that there are a number of factors, including temprament, social skills and parenting that effect how adopted people handle their reality" ~ by bromanchik

I completely agree with this statement. I would put "parenting" first however.

kristiplew: I also always don't remember being told I was adopted. It's been something I've always known. I never felt angry or abandoned. I personally equate abandoning a child with leaving a child on a doorstep, in a trash can or simply on the street without making any provision for the child to be taken care of. To be aware that one is unable to parent at that time and thus relinquish a child so it may be adopted and raised by parents that are able to parent at that time is, IMO a loving act. Like you, I also wondered "why" and wondered if I had any brothers or sisters.

I too was blessed so much by having a very loving adoptive family. No family is perfect ~ neither biological or adoptive ~ parents and children will always have disagreements. That is normal.

I found my bioDad last spring. He never remarried after my bioParents divorced or had other children. My bioMom had a boy 15 months prior to my birth that she relinquished, me ~ also relinquished, another boy as an unmarried woman that she kept and two daughters with her second husband. I have been communicating with one of my half-sisters. It didn't bother me to learn that bioMom had other children that she kept. In fact, learning about my half-siblings situation growing up, it served to make me grateful that I was relinquished and was raised in the home that I was.

There are many of us (adoptees) that are not angry. Whatever you may find in your search, you will be the same daughter to the parents that raised you. I agree with Nikki1262 ~ give your Mom and Dad a hug! Sorry your Dad is ill ~ thoughts and prayers are with you.