[Sabra]

Hello:

This question may be answered by adoptees, birthmother or adoptive parents. All are welcome.

Do you personally believe this statement and why:

It is a basic human need to know one's true place in life, no matter how many new names and people surround you. Truth is critical to identify and to becoming responsible, mature adults.

Please respectfully post your thoughts.

Thank you very much.

[SKiefer]

It is a basic human need to know one's true place in life, no matter how many new names and people surround you. Truth is critical to identify and to becoming responsible, mature adults.

I love this statement. I think it is very true but I believe that it is different for everyone. What is one's true place in life? Only you can determine this for yourself.
I just meet my birthmother (last week) and feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders & heart - a weight I never knew existed. Meeting her and talking to her has allowed me to see where I come from genetically. Before I met her, I knew I was happy with who I am and where I was in my life but the meeting helped me see the love that surrounds me and allows me to be who I am. I also know that my true place in life is with my amom & adad. They are my parents and they've raised me to be who I am.

[dl]

"It is a basic human need to know one's true place in life, no matter how many new names and people surround you. Truth is critical to identify and to becoming responsible, mature adults."

I personally do not agree with or believe this statement at all. While I have been curious about my biological beginnings, and find it very exciting and interesting to be in the beginning stages of contact with my bfather, I did not ever feel that "not knowing the whole truth" kept me from knowing my true place in life. I believe our "identity" is more a result of our life experiences and choices that we have made for ourselves. Being adopted did not hinder me from becoming a responsible, mature adult in any way. I am aware, that some do feel being adopted brings inevitable problems, but I have always been a big believer in responsibility for our own choices and behaviors rather than looking for an excuse to use when I've made a poor choice.

Only my personal opinion ~

[shirleyville]

Sabra,
I totally believe the statement that

It is a basic human need to know one's true place in life, no matter how many new names and people surround you. Truth is critical to identify and to becoming responsible, mature adults.

I firmly believe that knowing MY "truth" would have made an incredible difference in my life -- the "outcome" might have been the same, but getting there would have been so much easier. The doubts, the not fitting in any where, the not knowing, the feelings of being denied basic knowledge afforded to everyone else.....are all things that took a toll on me, emotionally, thru out my life. The fact that my "truth" was being with held from me, and the crux of many a "family secret" was very damaging to me, psychologically.
I'm 38 years old, successful and stable in every way, but the battle was long fought. It's taken an inner strength and a lot of emotional work to "keep the pace" -- to stay on the path.
I think it is horrific to think that there are people out there who are mass murderers....terrorists.....serial killers.....who have committed heinous crimes against humanity --- who have the right to know their own heritage, yet we, as adoptees can't. I'm not saying those folks shouldn't have the right -- they should! WE ALL SHOULD!!!!!!!!
It is OUR truth and we, as humans deserve it, no matter what!
Hugs,
Sally

[dkb60]

I am not sure I agree. As a birthmother, knew the truth of my life. I knew and understood what I had experienced. So the question for me is do I need to answer someone elses "truth", i.e. my birthdaughter's questions. Or am I just responsible for my truth. Tough things. In my case, I was willing to open up my life to her but I do not think everyone should have to or even that it is healthy for every one to open up in this way.

Good food for thought though
D.

[Leopard Cat]

It is basic human nature to be curious. As far as it being critical to becoming responsible, mature adults, I believe that is up to the individual. I'm adopted. I also happily married with a college degree and a wonder job. I'm very happy in life even though I don't know who my birth parents are. I am however curious and would like to find out if I have any half brothers or sisters. I think it is up to the individual person to decide if they want the fact that they were adopted to run their life.

[Duchie]

Oh my goodness - what a statement.

I absolutely agree with some of that statement. My situation is a little different than most.

"It is a basic human need to know one's true place in life, no matter how many new names and people surround you."

I was adopted as an infant, raised in a wonderful family, married young, lost 2 children and finally adopted a child. I finally reunited with my bfamily almost 3 years ago.

I didn't feel that my life was complete because I had nothing blood related to me before the reunion. My circle was never completely closed and I felt compelled to close it. After reuniting, I feel more at ease with myself and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. A weight that noone should have to bear, but it comes with the territory of adoption. I love the fact that I have a biological connection with alot of family members.

However, the ending statement of....

"Truth is critical to identify and to becoming responsible, mature adults."

I know for a fact that even if I didn't reunite with my bfamily, I was still a responsible, mature adult. That was from the wonderful loving family with which I was raised.

So in answer to your question - yes and no.

Duchie

[silverqueenbee]

It is a basic human need to know one's true place in life, no matter how many new names and people surround you. Truth is critical to identify and to becoming responsible, mature adults.

[color=blue]
Absolutely! I think it is a basic human need to know one's origins-- the connection from the past to the present. It was important to me as a child, wondering in basic terms; then as an adolescent trying to navigate the already tricky waters of "who am I?", and then as an adult when I looked at the legacy I am leaving through my children. It's like dropping a pebble in a pond; you can't possibly fathom the ripple effect that adoption has on you, your spouse and your descendents.

I think it is possible to become mature responsible adults without one's own "truth" (i.e. history), because I think we just integrate what we know and adapt and perhaps make up some of the rest in our own minds to fill the void. It's like missing a limb; yes, it's a challenge to manage at times but most of us are able to because we compensate for our loss.

Becka

[patrisha]

"It is a basic human need to know one's true place in life, no matter how many new names and people surround you. Truth is critical to identify and to becoming responsible, mature adults."

I think I agree more with Dlouis's comment "I believe our "identity" is more a result of our life experiences and choices that we have made for ourselves."

I am certainly mature but consider the full scope of my "identity" still a work progress. I hope it continues that way so I never have to fear becoming stagnant and bored.

IMHO I don't believe that any self-revelation derived from discovering your roots could be as identity building as concentrating on your present relationships would be.

Trish

[AntKnee]

I think it is basic human nature to want to know these things, but you do not need these things in order to grow into a responsible, mature and well adjusted adult.

[raybuffer]

This is the root of many arguements about the need for search and reunion and truth. Just as there are democrats and republicans there is a division on this question.

I believe that a person can not know their true "place in life" in terms of the broader context of "all life" without knowing the whole truth of their identity(s) including but not limited to (in the case of adoptees) who they were before they were adopted.

I know, and am confortable with who I am now. I am not seeking past truths in order to bolster my identity. I will still be "Ray Buffer" regardless of whether I get my answers or not. But having the truth, good-bad or indifferent, can enrich one's life by filling in the blanks. The blanks will remain blank no matter how many current relationships one focuses on, or how much responsibility one accept for their own actions.

There are those who say they "know who they are" and have found their "true place in life" without a need to search and delve into their life's past secrets. Or that knowing their secrets has not changed their "place in life". I think in some cases we may be discussing two different definitions of "place in life". For some it is small and confined only to one's own life, for me, I see the question as it relates to all of existence.

I think it is natural to want equality and to share in the rights that others enjoy. If non-adoptees can have the peace of mind in knowing their true origins (usually taken for granted), why then can't adoptees?

For me, "Search and Reuinion" is like an element of a "to do" list that never gets checked off. It just sits there and sits there, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, festering - while other tasks and duties of life get done around it. But still it sits there, nagging, teasing, taunting and encouraging procrastination in life's other functions - for if one is unable to scratch this one line form their "To Do" list, how effective, how powerful, how in control of one's own life is one, truly?

Some people never put "search and reunion" on their to do list. That is their right. While they may be spared the turmoil of wanting something that is next to impossible to get, I do believe that at some point, perhaps far down the road, they may wish they had tried.

Unfortunately and many times, there is no closing Pandora's Box, and curiosity may lead to obsession.

"Truth is critical to identify and to becoming responsible, mature adults". I'm not sure I understand or completely agree with this. "Identify" what? Perhaps the original author meant to use the word identity. "Truth is critical to identity?". I was lied to and continue to be lied to by the state of Florida, but I feel I am a responible, mature adult. Truth is an encouragement. It lets one know that all can be right with the world. When truth is removed or denied, it simply makes the path to "responsible and mature" more difficult but not unattainable. Truth would be better.

Ray Buffer

[Unidentified]

Truth is critical
Learning that ultimately your own choices mold your experiences is also important.
The difficulty with adoption for a lot of us adoptees is that we had an experience of separation and loss that we must have felt on a deep instinctive (biological level?) that we could not understand and that society does not really understand. Not all adoptees will choose to search for their origins and not all who search will find them. But we need to find ourselves. For many of us this means acknowledging that we have been profoundly touched by our early experience, learning to accept it and let the pain go.

[l-thompson]

For me it was very important to know my roots - it is a basic human right to know where you came from - your biological history.
This feeling intensified greatly following the birth of my two daughters - not only is it my heritage but theirs too. It was important for me to pass on their true family history not borrowed history from my adoptive family - the gaps in our family tree have now been filled ( reunited this year)

[ordinary-world]

It is a basic human need to know one's true place in life, no matter how many new names and people surround you. Truth is critical to identify and to becoming responsible, mature adults.


I personally believe in this statement. I think everyone is different, that we are born with a piece of our birthparents but also something that is distinctly, innantely ours - something provided through genetics, Nature, God, a combination of all of the above, who knows. There's Nature, there's Nurture, and there's everything in between.
For me I really always felt I needed to know. I was emotionally different enough from my adoptive family to feel the need for answers as to why I was the way I was...and now I know. It's a constant process, but also a reassuring one.

~MaryAnn

[Chica231]

It is a basic human need to know one's true place in life, no matter how many new names and people surround you. Truth is critical to identify and to becoming responsible, mature adults.




Well, i somewhat agree and don't agree with that statement. I will have to admit that i have always wanted to know who i look like and what my haratage is. But, that doesn't stop me from being who am now. If i found out today the answere to that question, i will still be me now. Does that make any sense? I would still have had the same experiences that i had had before i new. Those experiences are what formed me to today. But, i do have this incredable need to know. Even if i never find out who my ansestors are, i will be ok. i hope that makes sense to you,lol- Chica