[bslgirl]

I need some advice/opinions please.

We are about to adopt a 1 year old who has 4 half siblings who live with their father. She has only had one contact with them just to say goodbye before she is placed with us. However the siblings loved her so much they want contact. Previously it was thought that we would have twice yearly letterbox contact only but now the social workers believe that the father of the half sibs will not be able to keep up written contact and therefore face to face contact once a year will be better.

I am in agreement with this, particularly as she may never know who her biological father is, and is unlikely to ever meet her birth mother. These children are going to be her only blood connections. My husband and I just want to do what is best for our daughter and feel that in this instance once a year contact will be very acceptable.

My concern is really for our biological sons who have developed a strong attachment to their sister and I worry that contact might be unsettling for them and for her? I am concerned that she might start feeling confused. She already has to come to terms with the concept that her 'real' brothers are her brothers by adoption but now she will also have to come to terms with the fact that she has half siblings that live together and another sibling living in another country who does not want contact...isn't this all a bit overwhelming? Will it unsettle her stability and development. Will it dent her sense of identity and security?

Or will it really help her? Perhaps it will remove all mystery about these other sibs and help her to visualise who they are and save the agony of a search and first meeting one day in the future.

Anyone with advice, experience, particular insight into this issue please reply, I would be very grateful for your help.

Many thanks indeed

[lambeausam]

Our family has a similar situation. I have two sons, 7yo and 4yo. They are not biologically related. However, the 4yo has a half-brother that is 2. He resides in a different state. Our two families are in monthly contact with each other - the boys are able to talk to each other on the phone. Additionally, we try to get together every few months. My oldest son thinks it's great that he has another brother, even though he doesn't live with us. My younger son understands that he has two brothers, one that he lives with, one that he doesn't. Keeping it simple has worked great. We liken it to a family that we are friends with - they are a blend of "yours, mine, ours" and each of their "ex's" are remarried. It gave us a great example to show that not everyone lives with all of their brothers and sisters all the time and that living away from someone doesn't mean you love them any less. For our family, it has been a good lesson on how to work to maintain/strengthen family relationships.

[sammiesosa]

I am adopted... I have half siblings and i dont kwno what i would do if i did not have contact with them it helped alot havine some sort of bloode tie to realte with...

I got to see my half brother once a mounth... they children did nothing wrnge they shouldnt have to only see there siblings once a year.. I think when you kid is older enough to decided let her decide... I dont know how she would take to the adoption thing i am the youngest of 4 and i took it the hardest being away from them was extremly hard

i think that you should allow your child to see its siblings more then once a year!!!

[makimom]

I am an adoptive mom, and have a situation where there are two sibs that are going to be up for adoption soon and they wil not place them here with their sister. She lived with the one brother up until 5 months ago when she was placed here for adoption. We have remained in contact with him and the foster mom so that she knows that people you love do not always just disappear. Now we face having to let him disappear. I would reamin in contact with these siblings for as long as it seems healthy for everyone. As long as they are not a threat to your daughter then I think it is important. Some day when she grows up you would not want her to be angry that you kept them from her. Laura