[echaos]

The best thing the ever did was to tell me that I was adopted from the very begining. I never remember them sitting down, it was just always known.

[dl]

Completely agree with you. My aparents did the same thing. My mom said that she practiced telling me before I could even understand. Guess it just "sunk in" because I never remember being told or not knowing any different. The result has been, for me, that being adopted was never an issue.

[reneeof3]

We are already talking to our child about his birthmother ("kisses from her to you, sweetie" is an example each night when I tuck him into bed and kiss him goodnight - one from both moms) and he's only 9 months old. I agree that starting from early on will only benefit the child. There's nothing worse than being "secreative" about it.

[Leezamarie]

I have also "always known" that I was adopted. So, therefore, it was no big deal.

I feel that I was fortunate in that my parents did not try to confuse me and make me feel part of someone else by mentioning my birth mom too much. What I mean by that is that when the subject of my birth came up, it was discussed as "the lady whose tummy you grew in". Now this in no way was dismissing the important role of the birthmother, but rather not confusing me by the fact that there may be some other mother out there.

I also felt so loved and wanted by my parents and extended family that now that I do know my birthfamily, I do not see them as "family". They are people who play a role in my life, but in no way replace my real family.

[debsdone]

My parents also told me I was adopted at a very young age. I do not remember an actual conversation, it was simply an accepted fact. As a child, I was very proud of having been adopted. I totally believed it made me "special". Love, Debi

[MomTo1]

What a great thread echaos. Something postive that adoptive parents can see that will help them. Thank you for posting this and for everyone responding.

We also tell our little that she is adopted, even though she is only 2. We never want it to be a surprise. I have been told by others and my family, that I am making a big mistake. It is so good to hear the opinion of adoptee's on this subject reinforcing our beliefs.

Thank you everyone for reassuring adoptive parents what we are doing the right thing!!!

[EBW]

I was also told from early on and do not remember learning--I've just always known. I do think this is the best approach. There was no traumatic moment or anything. Plus, my afamily is loving and wonderful, and that certainly helps!!

Now that I've reunited with my bfamily, I just feel extra lucky. I never felt hostility to my bparents, or rejected by them. I think that is because my aparents always let me know that they were simply unable to care for me, and wanted me to have a better life. Turns out, they were right!

I really believe that the way aparents handle the issue of adoption can make or break and adoptee's view of him or herself (ie-rejected or given the gift of a better life out of love). My aparents did that part of it exactly right.

[thmccarty]

I wanted to reply to this. I was adopted as an older child, so I have always known I was adopted. I am the guardian of my bnephew and he has always known also. There are something like 13 people that are adoptees in my family. The facts around those adopted have always been in the open. In fact my uncle was helped by my mother to find his bio-parents. My mother and father helped locate my bio-parents. Being older I still remembered some details.

[KristyK51]

Like everyone else that has responded thus far, I have always known that I was adopted. My mom used to tell me stories about "the day they picked me up at the hospital," and that my birth-mother wanted me to be with them. When I was about 8 I started asking questions about my adoption and they told me everything I wanted to know. Within the past year I began searching, and found, my birth-mom and half brother and sister. My parents have been nothing but super-supportive through it all, and they know that I will always love them.

[colin]

I recall being told and explained about the adoption process when i was very young.

I was told before i could conceptualize the meaning of adoption.

My first memory of it was as i looked through this big fat sears christmas wish book catalog. Mom said that they had a wish book with kids in it and that is how they chose me.

As a child i kept asking many questions and one answer stood out above the rest. I was always such a lovely child, when my parents went into the room with all the children to choose from i was the only one that was not whining and without a runny nose.

I do not know how positive these attempts were at calming a childs curiousity but I do know that they were trying the best they knew how to at the time.

I am 36 and admit to having an underdeveloped emotional integrity. I am working furiously at catching up and stabalizing. I up until recently blamed my current position on everything but myself. So now i am working on accepting the environment and elements of my life and recognising that they were tough and my perceptions made them even tougher than they were. Now i am safe and can build up my esteem and functionability in the world. ( i love not needing a social mask in these threads)

But i am realizing that i am doing the best that i knew how and was capable at the time. I still am trying and realising that there are limits as to how development takes place.

I do not ever plan to have kids, i am not willing to undertake such and overwhelming task of responsibility. I want the adoptive parents out there to realize that parenting is an extremely difficult job and not to be to hard on yourself if you do make mistakes or if the children make mistakes.

The most important thing my adoptive parents did was that they taught me not to steal at the age of four. They showed me how hard you had to work and what you had to sacrifice to live in a nice house and run two cars and bring up two kids, wow.

They taught me how much i missed having them around to be 'available' to me as i grew up. They taught me the importance of the time they did spend constructively with me. I still remember coming home from school the first day not knowing how to tell time or even tie my shoes, it made me feel uneasy. My dad made a cardboard clock with moving hands, it was great how long we played with it until i learned to tell time. And they both taught me how to tie my shoes.

I remember that my dad another time made an exercise chart with situps and pushups and jumping jacks. He, my brother and i would do them every night and record in color graphs our progress.

I could relate to these things and our interraction was priceless.

I remember these as the best times i can remember before the age of 8 that i spent with my parents.

I am glad to share.
Colin

[fp40]

Was it taught me how to be a better parent to my two loving daughters.

I wish my father was their for me when but he was distant now he works all the time 80 hours a week..
My adoptive mother and I are very close I feel much closer than my half brother and sister..

[Amy377]

As an older adoptee (adopted at age 6) I have vague memories of my bparents. I think the best thing my aparents did for me, was to love me and to treat me as though I was theirs. They always made me feel special, encouraged me to discuss how I felt about anything, and have always kept an open mind. Unfortunately my amother passed away about 9 years ago. I miss her very much, but I know no matter what happens in this journey I'm taken...I know who I am, because of the wonderful parents I was given. Thank you Mom and Dad!!

Amy

[colin]

Nice words amy

[Amy377]

colin,

thank you & take care!

amy

[Duchie]

The best thing my aparents did was being honest with me about my adoption and answering questions even though I know it hurt them (adopted back in the 60's and back then let's face it, not very parents were that honest with their kids).

But I think the best thing was the unconditional love that they bestowed upon us kids. I was treated just like their biological children. Although I don't have the best relationship with my sister, my parents never ever treated me differently.

Duchie