[thishartfull]

I am a father of four children now. I know nothing of my medical history to help with my children. I was born June 19th 1971 in St Cathrines, Ontario Canada.I was born with alcohol and drug withdrawls. I have a brother , but I am told that he is younger than me. My birth mother and her sister was suppose to of taken me to the department of Social Services. My birth father was to be abusive and into Satanism. I then went to numerous foster homes. I was finally adopted when I was five years old. My adopted parents seemed to be pleased to have a child to love. After a few years my adopted father left, not sure of the reason. My adpoted mother then raised me on her own. At the age of 11 or so my adopted mother put me in to MC Clain's hospital. I was there for a few years. The staff in the hospital were the ones who informed me of my adoption. It was not a pleasant way to hear. My adopted mother has told me a few things about my adoption that was told to her. The social worker for DSS of Canada was not suppose to have said these things to my mother , but did. My last name at birth was LaFleur. I am suppose to have the original first and middle name. My birth mother was younger than my birth father. I was given up to DSS to save my life. I am not sure if it was due to my birth father being in to Santanism or from the life style they were living. I do not know if my brother was gioven up also or if my father knew of the situation of me being handed over to DSS. My mother was to realitively younger, meaning I do not know. No one quite sure if my birth parents are or were legally married. My
My adopted mother seems not so pleased to hear of me wanting to know anything about my birth parents. I have tried to make her understand that I am not doing this to hurt her in any way. I love my adopted mother, my mother. I also long to know my birth family. I think I should have the right to decide if I want any further contact with them after I met them. Things might have changed. I also believe their is more to the story of my adoption then my adopted mother is tellingme. i thing because she does not want to hurt me any more than I have been hurt. My adopted mother says they only thing I came with for the adoption is the order of the court for me to be adopted my my adopted parents and a new birth certificate. I would thing that their would be more to it than two peices of documentation.
I have a wonderful life now with my children and my wife, but I am still left with an empty whole. I want more than anything to just get to meet my birth family or just get to write, talk to them.I want to know who I look like. It is not fair that so many people know some of the littlest things and take it for granted and I have no idea to these things. I have tried everything I know to try and find my birth parents or any other family members. It is just hard when you do not have the money to get an investigator, pay for these sites that search for people, or even call Canada. I live in the United States. Everything I make goes to give my children the things I never got to have. My wife tells me it is weird that I know how to be a father and never had that father figure in my life. I enjoy getting down and dirty to play with my children. They are my life and I feel that I had to be the life of my birth mother for her to have the courage to hand me over to safe me from whatever it was she thought would harm me. I can remeber years after I was adopted that weird things would happen. Some may not believe all of this , but it is completely true. I am assuming since my birth father was a Santanist that is why these things happened to me. I had pictures talk to me trying to do things that were evil. (No I am not crazy been tested.) My adopted mother was catholic, she had the priest come to bless the home and he said he would never come back into the house again. He said there were things he could not discribe and the evil he felt in the home. He adviced my adopted mother to get me to the church and blessed. there are somany things that I seen and heard that can not be discribed on paper. Also that I was the devils child, due to my birth fathers practices. Things were so bad in my life that I tended to blame GOD and curse him for everything. I did not go as far as worshiping the devil, but close enough. I then went on to drinking and doing drugs heavily. My first marriage did not last. I finally quit drinking but stayed on drugs. I finally met my current wife and the love of my life. she believed in GOD soul heartedly. I gave her the run for the money on her love for me. I abused her verbally and physically. I stole the household money to support my drug habit. She was working with me to get off drugs even thought to myself I knew I was not going to quit and didnt want to quit. She use to make me every morning and night place my hand on the BIBLE. She said one way or another she was going to breakthe evil out of me with GODS help. I am now free of drugs and got to church regularly. My wife has done everything she knows to help me feel secure about myself and to look for my birth family.