[gbloom29]

i found my birthmother she lives 2 hours away from me i have an address and a phone number but im not sure if i should contact her or not i need to hear from other adopted kids what they would do or feel need some advice please help

[Ladygaines]

Congrats on finding your mom! That is really a blessing when there are thousands like myself out there that have been searching off and on for years with no luck so far.

If I had the info you have I would use it. You only get one life and we are getting older by the minute. She is alive and that is also a blessing. I am sure you are afraid however as I would be too. Contacting her will require courage. She could either reject or accept you but if you dont try you will never know.

Before you make the call maybe you could read up on the emotional aspects of a reunion to prepare you.

[lostmother2012]

Sorry I can't answer as an adoptee but my son searched for me which included writing letters which I wish I had received but I had moved a couple of times. We did eventually cross paths via the internet so our first contact was by emails.

Contact her and keep it simple by saying you're looking for (insert name) or something along that line and good luck!

[murphymalone]

First of all make sure you have support and get ready for the ride of your life. You have to determine what you want out of contact first. Do you want a relationship? Do you want to become part of her family and get to know everyone; that's something you need to consider. As I have found out here there are many complications. Be up front and let her know what you need and what you are able to give.

Be honest. If you find that it's overwhelming let her know that. Sometimes it's like a brain injury in that both parties have been in a coma and then when they wake up all of the emotions come rushing in. That's the best way to describe it. I had no idea but when someone is knocked out when the come to often there is a rush of adrenaline, pain, fear, rage, sadness you name it.

Be ready for anything.

[Jencolling]

You know I just found mine on Feb 8th, thanks to a searchangel and FB. I my self only wanted email contact for first week. Today talked to my "sister" And plan to an aunt. So glad I did. My thought is send a letter and give your phone number, email and address. If she wants contact she'll reach out some how.
I my self would of found my family sooner, if I had just made contact. Because I kept thinking I should send out letter or FB message to persons believed to be family. But I was just to scared to. I am so pleased I was not to late. And that most of family knew of my and had been wanting to find me since 97

[murphymalone]

Good for you. Enjoy. I hope everything works out the way you want it too. It can be an incredibly exciting time.

[Lizziesmom]

Title: the adoption reunion handbook by Liz Trinder, Julia Feast and David Howe.

This book begins from a British viewpoint, at first into the search, then quickly the focus changes to the various reunion roles. I'd highly advise you to get this book and read it before you attempt a reunion. This is not a time you want to risk a mistake.

When you do attempt a reunion, only contact the mother - no other family members. Try to establish a relationship with her before you include others. If she is agreeable and happy about the reunion she may wish to bring other family members in on her own terms.

I'd suggest that you send her a letter and include a picture of yourself. Include a phone number where she can reach you. She may not reply immediately and need to take time. Don't go any further for at least 6 months, if she doesn't call you. Give her plenty of time.

Last year I located a sister who was relinquished for adoption in 1955. She had used an intermediary to locate my mother three years ago but my mother declined the reunion. I didn't know about this at the time. My mother had told me in the early 60s that she had given up a child but would not give any details. She said that we would never talk about it again. I happened to come across information last year that made me know that she had been contacted, and thus led me to the sister. I'm now being trained to be an intermediary, myself.

I'm very torn about telling my mother about meeting the sister. I've brought up the subject a couple of times but my mother shuts me off immediately. There was another book that helped me to see my mother's side of this, The Girls Who Went Away.

I'm having a tough time deciding (1) Do I respect my mother's wishes and not talk about this - although I know it makes the sister feel even more rejected? or (2) Do I become more assertive and tell my mother - trying to make her understand the sister's rejected feelings?

I'd highly recommend that you get these books and read them before you proceed. I do think you should approach her but you need to understand her side of this, and also have some idea of the impact the reunion could be on all family members.

Good luck to you!