[Theresa1879]

I placed my daughter for adoption in 1995. We have recently reunited in June for the very first time.
Unfortunately as we have been speaking and talking, I am discovering that she has not lived the life I had hoped and now I am in a horrible situation. You see the home study I received was not accurate nor correct, the adopted mother was not mentally sound and was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. She was let go from her job the week they adopted my daughter. As my daughter explained, she was constantly trying to kill her self and eventually she succeeded two years ago. Her adopted father eventually decided in her best interest and her wanting to know who I was, to find me. Well she found me but the more I found out about these people, the abandonment, the mental anguish...I wonder if anyone knows if there is a way to get rights back or to have joint custody with adoptive parents in the state of NY. I dont trust them and its getting so bad that when she comes to visit with me its kicking and crying and yelling to go back. Anyone have any ideas or help for me?? I am so grief stricken. My daughter is 14 and is extremely bright. I dont want her to resort to running away from the home..but I need her to know that I love her with all my heart and wish I can take her back BUT i DONT KNOW HOWWW!

[Drywall]

Theresa1879...I would contact an attorney to see if there are any legal means to try to overturn the TPR and adoption.

The attorney should know that you did not have all the information regarding the a-parents when the adoption was carried out. If its possible, take DD with you when you go, so that he can have direct contact with her to establish what it is that she wants.

He will determine if there are enough grounds to go to court.

I wish you the best.

[manni28]

Can I give you some advise? How do you know if it's true the amom was bi-polar and the aparents weren't being honest when the adoption happened? If you should try to overturn the adoption, and the adad is aware of your intentions, he could stop all contact between you and your bdaughter ( can you blame him). Also, I wouldn't take to other poster advice about bringing your bdaughter to the attorney's office- you could be charged with kidnapping, she is a minor.

In short, find out the true facts and try to be a good bparent to your child, not overturn the adoption. I can tell you the only thing that will happen is you alienating the adad and all communication between you and your bchild closed. Is it worth it?


All the best,

Manni

[RavenSong]

My son, whom I relinquished at birth, was also raised in a home where one of his parents struggled with lifelong mental health issues. The thing about homestudies and background checks for prospective adoptive parents is that it is super easy to not disclose mental illness or substance abuse. It's a real feeling of betrayal when a birth/first mother discovers that her baby, who was supposed to be going to parents who would raise them better than she could, actually suffered harm and/or abuse, whether it is physical, emotional, or sexual.

I do understand the feelings you're experiencing right now. But I don't think trying to overturn the adoption is the right way to deal with this situation. I think if would be much, much better to develop a good relationship with your daughter's adoptive father. It sounds like he is already allowing her to spend time with you in your home. Maybe you could try to increase the number of visits with her first, and then take it from there. Her dad may actually be relieved to have her spending more time with you. (14-year-old girls aren't the easiest folks on the planet to live with, especially for a dad who has recently lost his wife.)

If you could increase visitation to a weekly basis, perhaps having your daughter stay with you on weekends, it may just be enough of a "break" for her to deal with living at home during the weekdays.

[Theresa1879]

Thank you all for your help.
The reason I KNOW she was bipolar was because everyone in her family has told me so...it was documented just not on the home study. I am trying to find the best way, I dont feel like taking her away would be the best solution but here is another point I would like you to take into consideration. The father and I have a good relationship she stays at my house all weekend every weekend. It is good relaxation for her. I just hate bringing her back to that.
I am trying to take it all in stride but when a comment is made as to "there wouldnt be much of a fight if you took her" is quite wrong. (father)
I am going to explore options. I dont think ripping her out of her home is right especially with her being a teenager. But I dont want her running away either. I want everyone to live in harmony.

I am exploring every avenue. I have a sit down talk with the father this week. I hope that it goes well. I will keep all updated

[EES07]

I'm not sure from your post, but I read that as her adad is saying there would'nt be much of a fight if you took your daughter. If this is the case, and he is agreeable to you reestablishing parental rights with your daughter, then it would proably be pretty easy. I'm not sure if there are ways for you to overturn the adoption, but if he consents, you consent and your daughter consents, you could adopt her and reestablish your rights that way.

[lowohms]

couldnt you get custody of her then?? i know when i was younger my aunt had full custody of me, as my mother was unable to raise me at the time. My father had left the country, and it was a matter of putting custody in her hands. From what i remember, (i blocked alot out from then) it wasnt much of an issue to do it. it took a couple days because they wouldnt let me into school until my aunt could show proof of custody. and she lived in a different state too.

[Lupin]

Originally Posted by Theresa1879

Thank you all for your help.
The reason I KNOW she was bipolar was because everyone in her family has told me so...it was documented just not on the home study. I am trying to find the best way, I dont feel like taking her away would be the best solution but here is another point I would like you to take into consideration. The father and I have a good relationship she stays at my house all weekend every weekend. It is good relaxation for her. I just hate bringing her back to that.
I am trying to take it all in stride but when a comment is made as to "there wouldnt be much of a fight if you took her" is quite wrong. (father)
I am going to explore options. I dont think ripping her out of her home is right especially with her being a teenager. But I dont want her running away either. I want everyone to live in harmony.

I am exploring every avenue. I have a sit down talk with the father this week. I hope that it goes well. I will keep all updated

I will just put this out there is you have her all weekend every weekend, then you already have what a lot of parents get by way of having Joint Custody.

And if she's even have as bright as you say, then she can also be smart enough to Manipulate the same as children in Joint Custody situations. "I don't like your rules I'm going to (Insert other parent here)"

[manni28]

I will just put this out there is you have her all weekend every weekend, then you already have what a lot of parents get by way of having Joint Custody.

And if she's even have as bright as you say, then she can also be smart enough to Manipulate the same as children in Joint Custody situations. "I don't like your rules I'm going to (Insert other parent here

)"

So true! I think what the adad meant was: "if you would like her to spend weekends with YOU it wouldn't be a problem". Not if you WANT custody ( or adopt her back), I will allow it". There's a huge difference. If I were the OP I would try to be a positive influence in the child's life, not overturn the adoption. The consequences could be harsh if she would try to do so.

-Manni