[Dinosaur]

I wanted to share my current experience so far. I am in my 50s, in Australia, and my parents emigrated from Europe after World War 2. Last week I received a letter, asking if my mother was "Mrs Dinosaur", as she had a son who had been born in Germany after the war. The relevant details matched my mother. My first reaction was "I simply cannot believe this!! I cannot believe this!!!" but the details were sufficient for this to be true. My family had never been told anything about such an event (I have 3 siblings). My parents are still alive (mother is late 80s and my father is 90), so I visited them and questioned my mother about it, and she admitted that it was true.

So now I am finding out that I have this completely unknown older brother who was born in 1946, before she met my father, and who is still alive in Europe. It seems that he had some contact with my mother but this ended in the 1960s - why, I don't know. So I am on the other side of all this - in the bio family but suddenly discovering that all is not as it had seemed.

The letter was delivered through a 3rd party (that's another story in itself) so I still haven't made direct contact yet... but I will probably pass along my email details and let them see if they want to contact me. My mother is a very complex character - so difficult to describe. She does not want it generally known that this happened (but my father does know). She does not want me to tell my siblings - but I'm going to try and make her understand that they will have to be told some time. Her family background is such that this would have been "hushed up" at the time. It's only by accident that I got this letter, as did various other people with the same surname, including her, but curiously, not my siblings.

I will be seeing her on Sunday for a more lengthy chat about all this.

I have also read this site, and must thank all of the contributors. I have learned that it is a roller coaster ride (wow! you can say that again), and also that we have got to take things slowly.

Cheers all,
Dinosaur.

[Dickons]

You must have been completely stunned when you read the letter...imagine being the one searching and having to draft a letter that could either end in complete rejection or reunion...

You sound like you are very easy going so it is good you got the letter...and your mum will be going through alot right now, all her emotions will be at extreme levels and one of her biggest fears will be how you react and scared you will judge her.

So many, many mothers were put in the same situation as your mum and were never provided with any type of counselling or support. It was cruel what society did and to some extent still does today. Please make sure your mum knows that you are okay with it and do not judge her actions, she needs that from you even if you are still reeling.

Just some reality numbers for you...from 50's through the 70's (later than your mum) there were approximately 6 million babies placed for adoption in the US...6 Million...it is mind boggling.

A book that would be good for you to read is "The Girls Who Went Away" by Anne Fessler. If you can't get the book store to order it in let me know. It is a series of interviews with mothers who placed their children in the Baby Scoop Era (50/60/70's) and will give you a true sense of what they went through including the shame that was heaped upon them, people crossing the street when they saw, the treatment of the doctors, nurses, nuns, etc. Truly horrible how they treated extremely young women.

And now you can (if you chose too) make a new friend, someone who may have many of your personality traits, look like you in someway...your journey is just beginning.

You are right that your siblings need to know but perhaps give your mum some time to adjust and come to grips with it all, but not too much time.

Cheers,
Dickons