[shelee]

Well my fiance got a phone call last night from his parents. They had received a phone call from a Bsister of his trying to contact him. He had known his Bparents names, but nothing else. He was even unsure of where he was born. Anyway to make a long story short, he has made contact with his bsister and his bhalfsister. He has his bparents phone numbers now. Come to find out he has eight bsibilings he has never meet or knew about. He was adopted by the same family as his bio brother so he has had contact with him. My fiance and his brother went through the foster care system and by far did not get the best pick of foster parents. None of his other siblings went into foster care. He believes it is much easier for them with this reunion than him. He has a lot of anger built up from the events of his life. Is this normal to be hesitant at first? I would love for others with similar situations to give me some advise. I am here for him and don't know exactly how to support him. Also if someone could give me some advise on helping support him I would greatly appreciate it!

[Dickons]

I do not have experience with reunion after being in foster care or the anger part. Hopefully someone will chime in.

I can say it will be overwhelming and will completely consume his waking thoughts. There will be emotions based on the loss of time, memories, histories that cannot be changed. There will be emotions of extreme excitement of getting to know siblings. He may be up on cloud nine one minute and crash the next. He may feel like a teenager again with his first crush (trying to describe how all encompassing the emotions are). It is a roller coaster.

Does he have any insurance that covers counselling? Sometimes it is too hard to talk to those you know especially if you add anger into the equation. Just having an unbiased person to talk to helps by being able to talk honestly and openly with.

What I would suggest is that he only moves at the pace he is comfortable with because being overwhelmed can cause you to pull back and shut everyone out. Just keep telling him it has to be on his terms and you will be there for him whatever the outcome.

Reunion is also noted to cause a honeymoon period. If you feel left out you need to recognise it is temporary and try to do something to take your mind off any negative feelings, and understand it is temporary and things will go back to normal but it could take a couple of months...just be there for him without judgement and available to talk with him whenever he is ready.

Good luck,
Dickons

[shelee]

Thank you so much Dickons! I have just tried to be as supportive as possible. I have tried not to interfear with this process, and let him know to take his time. At first I was like come on call them, but that was all the excitement from just finding out about 10 new family members. I encourage him to go at his own pass now, and his sister told him this could all be done on his term and he owes no one anything. I think that has really helped him alot!