[Niki_T00]

Just out of curiosity and maybe a bit of wishful thinking, how old are you? Do you know what your birth date was and where you were born and what your birth name actually was? Oh and how old you were when adopted? I'm asking because as I said I've been searching for my daughter born March 7, 1979 in California, and have a sister that is as evil as evil gets and not sure if she is lieing or not, but she insists she knows where my daughter is and how she is doing, but refuses to supply info, and it would be like her to steal mail and send a do not want contact back just to hurt me. My personal email is Niki_T00@yahoo.com and just to let you know, that is not my birth name. If you were born on that date and in California please email me and I will give you more info about myself.

[lacymarie]

SEARCH HONEY SEARCH!! Call me irate or irrational, but I would give a rats you know what if a person doesnt WANT me to know anything. This is your history. She doesnt care to understand your wants, and you dont deserve to be forced to return the favor. Search for them and get the information that is rightfully yours!! I mean this from the bottom of my spirit. Screw that!!

[Nancydrew811]

Thank you all for the thoughtful replies. I stepped back for a while, and thought about my next move. I decided to ask the CI to petition the judge to ask for *just* medical records. Well sure enough, I got a call from my CI today and she said something to the effect of "Oh, well we had a case last week that changed what our office is able to do, so now we can't petition the judge for medical records anymore." That pretty much sent me over the edge. First they said they had grant money and that my fee would be discounted 50%. Then they said "Oh no, sorry, that grant money ran out a few months ago so now you have to pay 100%". Now this??? It is the same load of hooey my agency gave me ("Oh, your info was destroyed in a fire, sorry, we don't have anything for you"). I really don't know if I want to pursue this with the aunts and uncles. Looking at the info again it said there was minimal info about them and that a search was possible, with a fair chance of finding them. I expect if I tell the CI to go for it I will end up with a phone call saying "Sorry, out of 7 aunts and uncles we couldn't find any" or "Oh, sorry, our policy changed last week and we can't search for them anymore."

I am just so beyond frustrated with this now!!! And I feel like the stupidest person in the world, because apparently had I done all of this 2 years ago, or 5 years ago, or any time in the last 16 years while I have been old enough to search, this wouldn't have been an issue. But since I waited until *now* and since it took sooooooo long for my paperwork to go through, all of a sudden the policies have all changed so I can't find out anything.

Someone asked, and no, I don't have a name or anything for any relatives. And NikiT00, I wasn't born in CA, sorry.

Anyway, that's the latest update from me. I wish I had some better news to share. I really can't believe I am not allowed to know my family medical history, and that I have wasted $400 on this stuff and have nothing at all to show for it. I really could have used that money for other things.

[D28Bob]

Nancy (hey, I read all the books too - stole them from my sis!) don't kick yourself over the timing. I don't know what State your adoption took place in, but it's unfortunately not uncommon for agencies, investigators and intermediaries to string people along until they have extracted as much fee as possible. There ARE intermediaries with integrity, but not all of them are completely working for your benefit; they actually perform as officers of the court, and represent the agency and court more than they do yourself, their supposed client. Otherwise they lose their position and accreditation.

I agree that you may get better results from aunts, uncles or even siblings. There are many ways to search without using the courts, and you are not bound by the court when you search on your own. I found my own natural mother with the help of a local support group and search angels, though I had to use a CI (who came highly recommended by members of my group) to find my natural father. My CI could not tell me his name or location, but that he was alive so my search team also found him in a matter of days.

My point is that the court is not the only way to gather information. You know that she is still living and has siblings - that's a good start. PM me if you want some good angels to assist you.

[SoniaRose]

Nancy, I feel so bad for you and the inhumane responses you have received. It is so sad when we adoptees are treated like second class citizens.

I don't have any direct advice since I've never had any experience with CI's or official agencies. But I hope you follow-up on D28Bob's suggestions and try to find some other means of help or support that don't cost an arm or a leg.

Would you ever consider writing to your CI's supervisor or head of the agency and complain that the rules were changed in the middle of the game? It probably wouldn't help, but it might make you feel better.

It's good that you keep your information active on the registries. Now that your bmom knows you are searching, there's always a slight chance she will start to wonder about you. (I was found two years ago by some paternal bcousins by my birth date and city -- my bparents are long deceased.)

Thanks for posting your update, although I wish you had better news. Take care, and good luck to you.