[moogvo]

I had posted on the forum here a couple of years ago, the limited amount of information I had about the details of my adoption. I was careful not to give out tooooo many details so that a scammer would be able to be picked off at 50 paces.

At this time, I want to side step and talk about the possibility of being scammed, because it IS incredibly important that you use caution when searching for birth parents/children. the Internet is filled with creepy-crawlies who are just waiting for an opportunity to take advantage of someone.

In the Adoption business, emotions run high, hopes are big and it really wouldn't take a lot on the part of a scammer to worm their way into your life. so caution on that! When posting, you should probably stick to the bare facts, and offer nothing in the way of personal information that could be exploited later on.

I think that name, gender, race, birth date and known city of birth would suffice in most situations. In the EXTREMELY RARE instance that there were TWO or more adoptions with identical information, you can sort that out quickly once contact has been made.

While we all want a reunion so badly, it would be smart if you first verify the true identities of both parties through a DNA screening. This is inexpensive, and it is un-disputable.

Now that the disclaimer is done...

For the last few weeks, I have been asking God to make a change in my life. I was never specific about what area I wanted to change. I was really sort of asking for the ability to grow my business and to increase my income so that I could take care of my family.

What he answered with is worth so much more than anyone's money can buy...

I had posted my details here a couple of years ago, thinking that everyone (including my birth mother) knew how to use the Internet to look for things. The reality is that MOST birth parents probably do NOT understand how internet searches work, so with no other avenues of exploration, don't be discouraged. Just be patient.

My sister had just given birth. My family was all around, cooing over the baby. My mom became nostalgic and told my wife what my birth weight was. My wife in turn commented that I must have had a small mother. My mom rolled her eyes and generally showed that she didn't care for any remarks that had to do with my "Real Mom".

later, on the way home, I explained to my wife that Mom is really sensitive about the whole adoption topic, and it probably shouldn't come up anymore. She felt bad about it and then we springboarded into a full on conversation about my adoption.

We talked about the posting I had put on this site a couple of years ago (when I wondered if I had updated my e-mail address on - which I hadn't) and a host of other theories I had formulated about my birth family over the years.

When I got home, I decided to have a look at the posting I made here to make sure the contact information was correct, which it was not. I had forgotten the URL of this website over the past couple of years, but I knew that a search on Google with my details would bring it right up.

And it did. I saw all of the usual web sites that came up with my search... But wait... Here was a new result from a site I didn't remember. I clicked on it and read the posting.

It looked like something I had put up. I just didn't remember that site or that posting. I also realized that it was posted by someone with a username not even remotely close to anything I would come up with.

Then... It hit me... I HADN'T made that post! Someone ELSE had made that post, and it was very clear that someone intended to find ME! I thought about it and then replied privately to the person who made that post. This was on Friday night (7/3/09) at about 11pm.

The next morning (The 4th of July), I found an elated e-mail in my box waiting for me. The details she shared in that e-mail were MORE than enough to know that she was the real thing.

She knew my birth weight (That I had not ever known until the night before) She knew her age at the time of the birth, she knew my parent's case worker's name, the county building, and my NAME. She gave me that name, and my parents kept it because it was my uncle's name and she KNEW that information.

Over the last several days, we have talked and talked and talked... Hours at a time. It is like I have known her forever. We even look alike (Except that she is prettier than I am!)

It has been an incredible reunion! One that I had dreamed of on and off over many many years. I became discouraged at times. I believed it would never happen. I had all but given up. It was the step SHE took that ultimately made it possible.

The reality has still not set in. I am still unable to wrap my little brain around the whole concept. It does become more real and wonderful to me every day, however.

I hope and pray that you, too will find the results I have found. The Internet is a wonderful place to find information. It is definitely a real possibility that with a connection to the world-wide-web, you will find what you seek.

Tom

[SuddenlySusan]

Tom,

I'm so hapy for you! You are right about internet searches. I didn't think I was "allowed" to search, but my daughter told me that she wanted to search for her brother and I provided her with all the information I had. She posted a profile on this website in 2000. In 2005, my son posted a profile but my daughter's contact info was no longer accurate, and she had not come back to check this site again. I finally got up the courage to search in 2007 and found both of their profiles. We have been in reunion since then, and things are very, very good.

Your natural mother may need some help processing all of the emotions that accompany reunion. I had not prepared myself at all for reunion because I only searched for 2.5 minutes before I found the profiles. I participated on these forums and read as much as I could. One of the books that helped me to understand my situation was "The Girls Who Went Away" by Ann Fessler -- it deals with the closed era. There is also another book called "Adoption Reunion Support Guide", or something like that, which is very helpful for everyone involved in adoption reunions.

Reunions are all different, but one common theme is that of the emotional rollercoaster. Be patient, compassionate, and forgiving...to both your moms. And, take good care of yourself while you are going through all of this...it's okay to go slow, and to take time to process everything -- just make sure you let her know what you need. Communication is vital.

Best wishes on your journey,
Susan

[Jillalan]

Tom

Am so pleased that you found your birth mom. It's so sparkly new I just know you are BOTH walking on air!

It concerns me that your amom is not comfortable with anyone mentioning your adoption - I don't know how to tell you to approach this since you would know your amom best.

Anyway, very happy for you and your bmom. CONGRATULATIONS!

(ps I'm reunited with my birth siblings and also my first born given up to adoption - so I can understand both sides!)