[kmcrab]

I have just recently found my maternal birth family. My bmother died three years ago. My questions are...

Do birth mothers receive any kind of paperwork regarding the child they placed for adoption?

If so, what does it say?

Is it common for birth mothers to destroy paperwork if they did receive any?

My bsister told me that she had gone through all of her mothers papers after she passed and found nothing to indicate her mother had ever had another child (bsister or family knew nothing about me)

I was born in 1962.

Thank You

[dakotasclassic]

I never received any paperwork (this was in 1988). So sorry to hear she died before you met her -

[JustPeachy]

I received copies of paperwork from the agency. I haven't looked at it in a very long time, but I know I have a copy of my TPR and other forms I was required to sign. I also obtained, prior to TPR, a copy of my son's original birth certificate.

BUT, I was not a birthmom from the closed era. I relinquished in the 80s and things were very different from 1962. I don't know what went on back then, but I wouldn't be surprised if the birthmom was not given any copies of paperwork. It is also possible, given the secrecy and shame of that era regarding birthmoms, that her family or she herself would have destroyed any paperwork if in fact she received it. Birthmoms back then were told to forget and move on and act like they didn't even have a child and never speak of it to anyone. If she kept it a secret from everyone, she may not have even told her husband or subsequent children. That seems to be what happened in your case.

[-maggie]

I relinquished in '88 and did not receive any paperwork.

Good luck to you with your reunion with your bfamily!

[kmcrab]

Originally Posted by JustPeachy

I received copies of paperwork from the agency. I haven't looked at it in a very long time, but I know I have a copy of my TPR and other forms I was required to sign. I also obtained, prior to TPR, a copy of my son's original birth certificate.

BUT, I was not a birthmom from the closed era. I relinquished in the 80s and things were very different from 1962. I don't know what went on back then, but I wouldn't be surprised if the birthmom was not given any copies of paperwork. It is also possible, given the secrecy and shame of that era regarding birthmoms, that her family or she herself would have destroyed any paperwork if in fact she received it. Birthmoms back then were told to forget and move on and act like they didn't even have a child and never speak of it to anyone. If she kept it a secret from everyone, she may not have even told her husband or subsequent children. That seems to be what happened in your case.

Thanks for the replies all!

What is TPR?

You are right she did not tell her husband,children or brother. My parents were told that her mom came down from MN and was with her, but I really do not even know if that was true.

My bmom went through her mothers papers after she passed, so if she had anything, I am sure she destroyed it as bsister did not find anything when she went through bmom's papers.

Thanks Again KM

[RavenSong]

I relinquished back in 1972 through a public adoption agency, i.e., the county department of social services (which was widely used for voluntary relinquishment back in the closed era.) I did receive a yellow copy of the surrender papers I signed. As I recall the forms were all done in triplicate -- the yellow copy was given to the birth mom.

The only other paperwork I have is a copy of the consent form I had to sign that allowed the hospital to discharge my baby to the county social worker. It had all the usual legal language, such as I was the custodial parent and I still retained all parental rights to said child.

Unfortunately, I lost my copies of the paperwork in my last move. The moving company lost a bunch of my stuff, and I was never able to locate it again. I wish now that I had kept the paperwork in my safe deposit box...

[RavenSong]

Originally Posted by kmcrab

What is TPR?

TPR stands for termination of parental rights. Most people on this site use the acronym whenever they're talking about the relinquishment forms. However, this term was NEVER used back in the closed era of adoptions. The papers were always referred to as either voluntary surrender forms or voluntary relinquishment forms.

I never use the term TPR when referring to voluntary relinquishment. TPR is most commonly used when speaking about a mother's rights being taken away by Child Protective Services in cases of child abuse or neglect. I think that the distinction between voluntary relinquishment and the state terminating someone's parental rights gets muddled when we use TPR for both scenarios.

[BlackSheep]

I relinquished back in 1982. The only paperwork that I have is a copy of the birth certificate that I ordered and paid for when I was in the hospital. The adoption was closed---not my choice, the only one available at the time. I was also lucky enough to receive the picture that was taken at the hospital. I also paid for that prior to leaving the hospital.

[JustPeachy]

OOPs! Then I didn't sign a TPR! I was confused about the terminology myself! (I really should go back and look at those documents again!) I was not TPR'd, I voluntarily relinquished my rights, as you did, Raven. Thanks for clarifying this. I had been using TPR because I see the acronym so often on these boards and didn't realize the distinction. I swear, I learn something new on these boards every day!

Originally Posted by RavenSong

TPR stands for termination of parental rights. Most people on this site use the acronym whenever they're talking about the relinquishment forms. However, this term was NEVER used back in the closed era of adoptions. The papers were always referred to as either voluntary surrender forms or voluntary relinquishment forms.

I never use the term TPR when referring to voluntary relinquishment. TPR is most commonly used when speaking about a mother's rights being taken away by Child Protective Services in cases of child abuse or neglect. I think that the distinction between voluntary relinquishment and the state terminating someone's parental rights gets muddled when we use TPR for both scenarios.