[MamaS]

Some parents REALLY don't want to be found:

Courthouse News Service

[lisah3389]

This will really help all of us who want info from courts!!!!

[peregrinerose]

Given her situation, she has every right to be upset about the release of information like that. My heart goes out to her. The daughter should have had more tact than to just show up on a doorstep unannounced too.

[RavenSong]

If the birth mother felt strongly about not releasing any personal information to her relinquished daughter, she had the opportunity to inform the New Jersey Department of Children and Families upon receiving their written request. At the very least, she should have called them upon getting the request. You just can't ignore something like this and then turn around and sue the state for not protecting your privacy.

[dpen6]

Mama,

I can't help but think that this atricule only serves to reinforce your distaste of adoptees finding bfamilies...whY?

How about all the millions of reunions where the adoptee HAS recieved their birth right and nobody sued..you notice I said birth right and no mention of realtionship...

I really vbelive that we should all have our information sealed and have to go to court to have it opend...you know the guy down the street might object to you knowing and that can be enought to keep it dealed..

Yup, this adoptee handled it all wrong but that is no reason to keep records sealed...ever....even if it does make some adoptive aprents uneasy.

[MamaS]

dpen6: Interesting that you should focus on what you imagine is my distaste toward searchers. I said nothing about searchers in my comment. In fact, my only opinion on this is that the lawsuit is likely to make it very hard for people in NJ to get records even if they are legally entitled to them.
And, just for the record, I have NEVER opposed adult adoptees searching for the birth families. What I have opposed (and continue to oppose) are birth parents who post statements like "The child I placed for adoption will be 18 on Monday. I have her Facebook address and plan to e-mail her the moment she turns 18 and her adoptive parents can't legally stop me. I WILL have MY reunion!"
My position: Adoption is an event in the life of a family and should be treated as such.
Children should be told from Day One that they were (notice I said "were" and not "are") adopted.
Adoptees who are not in open adoptions should be given their information when they are adults. They should not have to "search" or "petition" or "sue".
Now you know what I really think, so you don't have to imagine any longer.

[CRAZY_WOMAN]

Weather if she wins or not,maybe they will be more carefull next time and not send the info until they talk to the birth parent first.

[RavenSong]

I would love to know if the National Council for Adoption (NCFA) is behind the scenes on this lawsuit. They've used this type of scenario before (i.e., birth mothers who were raped) as a method of keeping records sealed "for the protection of privacy rights".

[wishfulthinker]

I really don't think that anyone, including birth parents, should have the power to decide if adults should be able to get their own records. I think it's pathetic that this article was written and published - it seems to be the "needle in the haystack" of open records. From everything I've read, the vast majority of birth mothers welcome contact and are for open records.

[Dickons]

I have been thinking exactly what Dpen asked. Thank you for replying MamaS.

The birth mother CHOSE not to answer the letter and then has the audacity to sue? Too bad for her. She needs to take responsibility for HER actions. I have no sympathy. For someone to claim ignorance of the law is no excuse, every has access to TV, Radio, Newspapers, Library, the Court. She could have resolved this yet chose to bury her head in the sand and the outcome was predictable.

Regards,
Dickons

[FAYE56]

What upsets me has nothing to do with the bmother being upset.

I hate the fact that if you were adopted through a Gov't Agency you get help in searching and obtaining information even though NJ is still a Closed State - but because my adoption was through the Catholic Charities -I get NOTHING - the State of NJ ultimately has all of our records so why do they only help those that are adopted through their agencies?

[crick]

I feel for her and yet agree that we all have a responsibility towards things. She can't ignore something sent to her and then turn around and sue for it. If it was this important to keep everything sealed, then she should have responded to their letter.

I don't want my info just given out either, but if I receive something that requires my attention then it becomes my responsibility to respond.

I do think there was room for far more tact on the adoptee searching though. Seriously...don't just show up out of the blue, that's way too emotional of a situation (rape or not) to just show up and say "Here I am, ready or not!!!"

[wishfulthinker]

Perhaps the adoptee inherited the intelligence of the birth mom.

[spitzlvr]

Regardless of my feelings on sealed records (I oppose them), NJ is a sealed records state. If a bMom (or adoptee) gets a letter from the state, no action does NOT equal allowing the records to be open. I think she does have a case - she did not give the state permission to open the records.

[dpen6]

Originally Posted by spitzlvr

Regardless of my feelings on sealed records (I oppose them), NJ is a sealed records state. If a bMom (or adoptee) gets a letter from the state, no action does NOT equal allowing the records to be open. I think she does have a case - she did not give the state permission to open the records.

Iwould think they have to prove the the bmother was actually promised...legally...privacy..is there any document that says that? Because I have heard that its not true that they were not promised any such thing. The documents are the adoptees...now the weay this one went about itis totally wrong but the information conatained in those records is the adoptees and theadoptee should have full disclosure.