[MamaS]

Dear Abby on uExpress for Monday, June 22, 2009 titled
SON GIVEN UP FOR ADOPTION IS THREAT TO WOMAN'S MARRIAGE

[TxMom65]

Wow. Very good answer from Dear Abby. I never know what she will say sometimes.

[loveajax]

As someone who is married to an adoptee and the mom of an adoptee who are both "secrets" to other bio family members, I like this advice. It's really sad to me that people still feel the need to keep "secrets" like this (though I can understand how it happens too when you hear all the "judgments" about people who place their children for adoption).

[SuddenlySusan]

I can only hope that her readers flood her in-box with letters expressing their profound disappointment in this advice:

"From the tone of your letter your husband is the dominant partner in your marriage. If that's the case, and you really think he would leave you after all these years because you leveled with your children about the fact that they have a half-brother, then keep the secret."

Really? Seriously? Keep the secret?

Why not encourage the woman to become self-sufficient enough so that she is able to live her life without her domineering partner using her as a doormat? At the LEAST she should have been counseled to seek therapy for herself, and marital counseling if she chooses to stay in her marriage.

Keep the secret -- if you "really think he would leave you"? -- I can't believe that was her advice...pretty pathetic. Gah.

[Longtimewaiting]

After myself being in a 20 year marriage to a "dominant" person, I say--if he leaves, he leaves. Good Riddance. But in reality, she might not be able to support herself. Lets be realistic here.

[dpen6]

Originally Posted by SuddenlySusan

I can only hope that her readers flood her in-box with letters expressing their profound disappointment in this advice:

"From the tone of your letter your husband is the dominant partner in your marriage. If that's the case, and you really think he would leave you after all these years because you leveled with your children about the fact that they have a half-brother, then keep the secret."

Really? Seriously? Keep the secret?

Why not encourage the woman to become self-sufficient enough so that she is able to live her life without her domineering partner using her as a doormat? At the LEAST she should have been counseled to seek therapy for herself, and marital counseling if she chooses to stay in her marriage.

Keep the secret -- if you "really think he would leave you"? -- I can't believe that was her advice...pretty pathetic. Gah.

Suesan,

I think itwas because it wasthe adoptee asking for advice, not the wife.

[bakerjw]

I'd personally like to give the husband a swift kick in the backside. IMHO Any man who orders his wife like that deserves a good beating.

Her birth child has come looking for her and she obviously is open to a reunion in some form or another. If she wasn't she wouldn't ask for advice. I just get furious when I see people meddle or stand in the way between a birth mother and an adoptee and that is what he is doing.

This is too complex of an issue to issue quick advice.