[MamaS]

What do you think of this? It seems harsh to me!

I loathe the daughter I placed for adoption. - - Slate Magazine

[Dickons]

Wow, it was harsh. I think the birth mother needs to question what she is so angry about and what her motives are in the reunion...comparing one child against another child will always create an unequal picture. Perhaps she always had it in her mind that her daughter would grow up perfect...that was one of the 'promises' to mothers back then, a chance to grow up in a loving two family home that would provide all the benefits and none of the negatives. Hard to compare that story book picture to a real live human being who is still at that age of knowing it all but knowing nothing in reality and trying to have a reunion.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[austin0i]

I thought it was very harsh as well.

I think that is what you call conditional love.

I liked the reply though. It seems like the apple didnt fall far from the tree

[wishfulthinker]

I also liked the response. I guess I don't understand how any mother could "loathe" her own child, even if that child was relinquished for adoption. And to go so far as to say she will suck at the profession she is studying to enter is ridiculous. This daughter can't be too much of a brat....it seems as if she had a baby young and chose to be a single mom with parents who are helping her out while she goes to college.

[feb171983]

What a horrible, harsh person. She chose to have a baby, she chose to give her up, she chose to contact the adoption folks. She CHOSE to have a reunion (even though it was the "daughter she never wanted"). Now, she has the nerve to call her long-lost daughter a bratty snob of a "baby she never wanted?"

She's got issues, and she makes me sick. I hope my biological parents are NOTHING like her. I pity her. This lady has issues. Even if her daughter is immature and not nice to her family, she's got a lot of nerve to say she's the "baby she never wanted." She made many choices leading to having a baby and reuniting with her. If this 45 year old was a responsible adult, she wouldn't expect such a thank you, and would lessen things to minimal-- but friendly-- contact.

(On that note, the 23 year old daughter apparently has issues with how she treats people and lives her life, too. She should probably be more gracious of gifts, too.)

[JustPeachy]

I can understand that sometimes in reunion, the parties who were reunited may not like each other or have much in common. This can go both ways, and I think that is why expectations need to be kept in check. What I don't understand is why this birthmom sought out her daughter if she considers her "the daughter I never wanted." Did she mean what she found after reunion was not the daughter she wanted or expected to find, or did she mean that all along she was unwanted? I don't understand that at all. In any case, it was a very crass and poor choice of words. I also did not like how she had the expectation of being lavished with gratitude for the gift she gave. The way the daughter was described as acting toward her parents, well, yes, she does sound kind of bratty, but the birthmom also sounds like a brat in this case! It seems like the birthmother went into reunion with little preparation and needs to understand that the relationship will take time to develop. Personally, I think gift giving and such shouldn't even be part of it, at least in the beginning. Especially if strings are attached.

[browneyes0707]

Just the way the letter is signed "The Daughter I Never Wanted" it's pretty shocking. Sounds like both parties have quite a few issues they need to work out if this is going to be successful. The birthmom seems to have a lot of anger issues. Sometimes I wonder tho how much of these letters are "edited" to illicit certain responses and/or reactions. I mean, there is only so much room in a column to work with! I read letters like this and wonder (hope) that there is another part of the story I'm missing that would make a big difference. I have never been a big Prudence fan, in fact one of my coworkers and I used to read her every day just to see what kind of responses she gives (some of them are wayyyyy narrowminded and ignorant IMO) But I LOVED and miss Abby and Ann!

[bakerjw]

I think that a lot of healing is in order if that reunion will ever work. How many of us have perfect kids? Very few I would say. My sons do stupid things that I disapprove of and I did the same in the eyes of my adopted parents. But we still choose to over look those imperfections or irritations and love them because that is what parents do.

it is a shame that the birth mother doesn't come here and listen to other birth mothers and adoptees to see all sides of the issue.

I just hate to see such anger and frustration.