[gwenoceanside]

I am new to this forum. It has been an emotional week for me as earlier in the week after working with a PI I was able to find out my brothers name, and soon located who my brother was.

I have been overwhelmed by the emotion of seeing his face, and finding that he is out there and a real person. He was born in 1970 but I cannot be certain he knows he is adopted. I am wondering what the best way would be for me to contact him? Of course ideally I would LOVE to have some sort of contact with him. I never had a brother and have always dreamed about finding him one day. At the same time, the last thing I want is to intrude in anyway on his life.

My mother is also dying to meet him, but terrified of interrupting his life in any way.

I am contemplating writing him a letter and leaving it open (that I may have wrongly mistaken him) but leaving my contact info for him to reach me. I have his phone number and do not have email at this time.

Does anyone have experience with this? I really would be so appreciative of any advice anyone would have on how to best proceed.

Thank you!

PS... on a slightly surreal note... it turns out he is also semi famous. That came to light well into the search and the last thing I want him to think is that I contacted him because of his fame. Of course it is nice to know that he is successful and that if nothing else, I can watch him on TV.

[1956CheverlyAdoptee]

Isn't it amazing just knowing who and where he is? I think since you are so sensitive toward your brother's feeling, you will be safe to write to him and express what is in you and your Mom's heart just as you have done here. Leave it open as you suggested, let him know that you are open to be as much or as little as he is comfortable with. Maybe your Mom might want to include a letter too or at least have one ready to go immediately after you hear back from him. Don't be surprised if it takes time to get a response. I was reunited over 16 yrs ago with my birth family, couldn't be closer to my 2 sisters. As an adoptee, felt I had the right, just took the plunge and made contact by phone. Found my B son just a few weeks ago and am waiting for a response to a letter I wrote to him....on pins and needles, been the longest 2 weeks of my life. As a birth mom, don't feel I have the right to intrude, interfere with his life if he doesn't want it. Good luck, keep us posted.
See my PM on suggestions for making contact

[zxczxcasdasd]

If you include a brief description of when you started looking and why and at what point in the search his identity was discovered, it should be clear that you started out wanting to find him long before you knew who he was. Best wishes to you!

[MyBonnie]

Four years ago I was in a similar situation to you however both my brother and I were adoptees.

I was totally unaware fo his existence until he sent a letter to me. He merely stated that he was searching for a person of my name and birth date as he had some family information he would like to discuss with me and gave his contact details. I immediately emailed him to confirm I was the one he was seeking and then he explained his adoption and that he had searched our birth family records and found he had two sisters who were also adopted.

I always knew of my adoption but was astounded to discover the existence of the others. My brother and I then spoke on the phone some days later and after a couple of months arranged to meet. We have established a good relationship and see each other whenever we are able, he lives overseas for part of the year.

I then searched and found our remaining sister and sent her a similar letter. She was unaware of her adoption but replied and asked me to send more family information for her. I did this but have not had any reply from her, she stated that her adoptive father is still alive and she doesn't want him to know she is aware of her adoption. I emailed again and gave her my contact details, stating that I would love to hear from her whenever she feels ready. I am still waiting - 3 years - but hope that maybe one day she will make contact.

Just be aware that each person reacts differently to reunion - it really is a very emotional rollercoaster ride. Good luck - may you enjoy a relationship as comfortable as I have with my brother.