[chunkmomma1]

Some of you may remember me, I am the crazy woman who hired a PI. Then found my birthdaughter on myspace and had used my husbands myspace I.D. to contact her.
Things have been going great with Courtney, we talk at least every two weeks and once we get on the phone it is so hard for us to hang up!
We look nothing alike but we have the same habits good and bad. We laugh the same and even sound alike on the phone. Its great, but I have been having a major problems. Everytime we get ready to say bye on the phone she tells me that she loves me. I have not been able to say it back to her. I dont know if it is the fear of becoming too close and getting hurt, or maybe I feel like I really dont know her well enough to expose my feelings. Is this normal??
I know when we talk I find out more about her life and how it has not been the greatest and it makes me feel like crap. Her and her mother does not have the bond I would have hoped she would for. There are times when I wish I would have not found her and have to hear about how she is being treated is killing me. I only wanted the best for her but it seems that she did not get it. But then there are days when I am so happy that I have found her.
Is it also normal to feel these feelings??
Am I a bad person for having these??
Am I bad for thinking maybe I could have done better than her mom??
I have all these feelings and doubts about myself???

[kakuehl]

Thanks for the update. .

Everytime we get ready to say bye on the phone she tells me that she loves me. I have not been able to say it back to her. I dont know if it is the fear of becoming too close and getting hurt, or maybe I feel like I really dont know her well enough to expose my feelings. Is this normal??
I know when we talk I find out more about her life and how it has not been the greatest and it makes me feel like crap. Her and her mother does not have the bond I would have hoped she would for. There are times when I wish I would have not found her and have to hear about how she is being treated is killing me. I only wanted the best for her but it seems that she did not get it. But then there are days when I am so happy that I have found her.
Is it also normal to feel these feelings??
Am I a bad person for having these??
Am I bad for thinking maybe I could have done better than her mom??
I have all these feelings and doubts about myself???

I think the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing are perfectly normal. They always say that hindsight is 20-20. I think its normal even when the family has been wonderful. You're experiencing part of the "joys" of reunion!

[bprice215]

Absoultely not, you're not at all a bad person for thinking these thoughts, you're very normal. It just takes time, that is all. Best of luck to you too.

bprice215

[JustPeachy]

Hey Chunkmomma, I remember you! I'm glad to hear your update. I think your feelings are perfectly normal. You are still new in your reunion and I would expect all sorts of feelings to come up, some of which may be totally opposite from each other. I think it would be hard not to compare how you would have raised your daughter (in hindsight) to how she was raised by her adoptive parents. Thinking about what you would have done differently, etc. As far as not being able to say "I love you" maybe in time you will, but if you are not ready, I would just tell Courtney you are not at that place yet, but hope to be someday.

Thanks for the update.

[winter444]

You are not a bad person at all. when my bdad calls he tells me he loves me all the time and it feels wierd and I can't say it back. I think it just takes time too.
My bdad and I are so alike in many ways too but I just can't say the i love you yet.

[kakuehl]

I was just thinking. After 3 years, D has not said he loves me although I have said it to him. He does hug and kiss me goodbye. I'm not concerned about the words (much as I'd love to hear them)... he continues to welcome me in his life!

[chunkmomma1]

I have been thinking that maybe she is just saying it to be kind or maybe it is something she says to everyone when she is ready to hang up.
She always calls me by my name she does not call me mom which is cool with me, if she did call me mom I would have a heartattack. But she is making me a big part of her life she calls to tell me the littlest things that is going on. Which I dont mind that either. I am just glad she wants to talk to me for now.
I should be greatful that she thinks enough of me to say it no matter the reason, instead of worry about why she says it?? But that's me, always thinking why??