[guntli_1]

Well, I finally met my birth mother. However it didn't go as well as it should've. Her husbnd and her came to my home state to visit me. My wife and I played "tour guide", when it should've been a reunion, not a tourof the state.

[austin0i]

Guntli,

Try not to put too much stock in the first meeting in terms of expectations. It can be an overwhelming experience that many are just numb to the emotional part and can only do the surface stuff.

I felt numb the first time I met my bmom. It was an amazing experience, but I couldn't be myself, as I was totally overwhelmed.

Maybe that is what went on with your bmom.

Maybe you can give us some more information about why you are disappointed and we can tak about it

Kim

[snuffie]

Sometimes when there are emotions involved, it is easier to hide behind "activity" - in your case touring. And maybe her husband wanted to see the state and she was trying to placate him.

I know when I met my bsiblings we toured the city we met in on a tour bus! It was so much fun and we got to know each other that way. I listened to them banter and tease - wishing so much that I'd been in the "group" always.

I don't know what your expectations for reunion were? Maybe you could tell us some and we could help in some way?

Snuffie

[Sherr34]

When I met my Birth Mother She took me on a tour of the town they live in that was interesting.

[dpen6]

That might not be a bad thing. Its something that needs to be taken very slow and if the first visit is just a "getting to know you" thing, on a very superficial level it really is ok...IMO....She may not be ready for anything deeper at this point.

I know when I meant my bmom ist was rather superficial and anything more for me would have been to overwhelming.

[guntli_1]

The detaails included her behavior. The way she acted was such, that my wife and I don't want her coming back out here. They said they would help with gas, but only pitched in $10. Gas prices in the state are fairly low, but still, she took advantage.

[kakuehl]

So next time visit her and stick her with the bill. Seriously, I hear your disappointment. I don't know how long you had been in conversation before you met. The truth is that we often have to mourn the parent (or child) we hoped to find before we can accept the reality of what is. While we, birth parent and adoptee, are genetically related, we are also strangers when we meet. Some people feel an immediate connection, others don't. All of us have, consciously or unconsciously, a mental image and expections of the other. Reality rarely matches. I hope you will continue to have contact with her. In some conversation you might say "I was disappointed that our meeting felt like a tour of the state and not an opportunity to get to know one another. It also bothered me that you only gave us $10 toward a $450 gas bill." Either let it go or share it so she knows how you feel and so that it doesn't create a wall between you."