[Mike_Va]

So I have been looking for family off and on since i was younger (20 years or so). Thanks to this website adoption.com , I found and met them in the past 3 days. I am a tough knuckleheaded kinda guy, and the whole thing has been like an Oprah show... amazing. The problem I have now is why after I have met them, am I finding things WRONG with them, when there isnt?
I'm not the kinda person this stuff happens to.

[MixedBliss]

Hi, Mike. Congrats on finding and meeting your bfam.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by finding things wrong with them. Do you mean that you had some expectations of them that they didn't meet? Were you hoping for someone else or something more?

(Oprah? Really? Self-proclaimed knuckleheads watch that??????)

[Mike_Va]

not trying to find something wrong, think i am putting a wall up for maybe more hurt pain I dont know. yeah was like an oprah show ...geez. Self proclaimed, no been told that lol

[paigeturner]

Mike,

Congratulations on finding and meeting your first family. As a firstmom who has yet to reunite, I'm curious...what surprised you the most? Have you had your questions answered?

From what I read here, reunions can have a lot of ups and downs. I'd love to hear more about yours!

[capesearcher]

Congratulations, I know what you mean by Oprah, As a 54 year old adoptee Ive been through a lot but nothing comes close to the variety of emotions and thinking that I went through with the very successful reunion with my birth Mom and sisters 16 years ago and it continues with my efforts over the last year to try and get my brother and three sisters on my bfathers side to even speak to me.

If you havnt already start a journal and write your thoughts in it. I found it helpful to think things through.
Enjoy the ride and expect a wide range of thoughts. I think its all a normal part of the reunion process. We went years with the image of what our birth families were like and now we need to merge the reality with those mental images.

Good luck.
Mark

[MixedBliss]

Originally Posted by Mike_Va

.. think i am putting a wall up for maybe more hurt pain ...

Makes sense. Reunion is like riding a rollercoaster in tsunami waves....ups/downs, rushing forward/pulling back.

Someone ought to invent Reunion Dramamine!

[shell50]

Hi,
i met my bmom 6 months ago and did the same things.. focused on the negative,however, as time has gone by things are great!! Hang in there and good luck!!

[snuffie]

Maybe because things went so well, you are "afraid" that things are too wonderful. Sometimes when things are going so great, I wait for the "bad" thing to happen. Kind of a weird self protection mode.Which doesn't make too much sense because why should we be afraid of happiness? Just a thought. But your opening line "Wow, never lucky" makes me think that you've had some bad luck in your life and are "waiting" for the "shoe to fall" in your reunion.

If you aren't used to being an emotional kind of guy - reunion can bring out feelings in the most stalwart, stoic of us!

Our birthfamilies will have their faults just like us. And that is a good thing because it makes them human. I know a lot of adoptees dream about their birthfamilies most of their lives and wonder if they are someone famous and because they seem so out of reach, they put them on a pedestal! But the truth is is that they are just like us. People.

Enjoy your reunion. Come here and talk to us during the highs and lows. A lot of us have been there!

Snuffie