[tweg1]

I am a B-mom who had been passivly searching for 10 years and recently 2yrs ago did an active search through a CI.My b-son was born in 1975. When I first got his name I was told that he had been or possibly was on drugs. But he was trying hard to straighten up from that. I have/am in contact with a-dad through phone and email. A-dad seems supportive of reunion?
In June I had first of two f2f meetings. first meeting was far too short and I learned that things in his a-family were not so great. He said there was abuse but did not elaborate.He left home at age 16.The a-dad will not say much about my son's life as he said it is my son's story to tell. That is true but, I do not know how long has he had a drug problem,is it new or years old? Has he been to rehab? My son has never called me I have initiated all contact. Both of f2f we had went well and he was doing OK and seemed drug free. His girlfriend (who I did not meet) may still have a drug problem and so I beleive he will be pulled back to that world. When I tried to call him there was no answer. Now a recording comes on that says "this phone cannot receive incoming calls"
I do not know if he has slipped back to drugs, if he is pulling back or? Since I do not know him yet Is this part of his personality? My heart is breaking.When we met he seemed very happy to meet me. I gave him pictures and family history and had him meet his b-dad. (That was his request) Now I am cutoff. I mailed a letter to him and am hoping to hear something. I have emailed the a-dad as that will be my only way to keep track of my son should he "disappear" again.
All the not knowing is very hard. My emotions are off the charts and I think of him daily,hourly. He lives a few hours away but it might as well be mars.

[curiositykitten]

It's possible that he could be switching phone services or that his phone might be off because he's late with his bill.

I had this same problem with my bmom she was switching phone service and for about a week she wasn't able to get incoming calls.

[tweg1]

My daughter's friend said there is a code you can put on your phone that gives that message out. Someone her friend knew did it to stop bill collectors from calling.

[bprice215]

Best of luck to you, I do hope everything will turn out for you. I understand how not knowing can be so difficult. Again hang in there.
bprice215

[Dickons]

If you included a self addressed/stamped postcard in your next letter a couple of comments with tick boxes it may ensure you get a reply. Young men are not known for written communications especially when they don't know what to say.

( ) I am fine but busy with life, keep in touch
( ) I am trying to sort this out and need time
( ) I forgot to call you
( ) Don't go away

There has to be better words but if it is easy to do it, and the pressure is off him coming up with words it may work...or not but at least you are trying to make it easier for him.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[tweg1]

I was thinking of doing that. Just unsure what to put in tne boxes. I think I am going to enclose a phone card as he does not have long distance.I sent a small card with my phone numbers on it in case he did not have the original letters as he was moving around then. The not knowing is sooo hard!!

[tweg1]

I received an email from the a-dad that said that he has not talked to his son in a month. The phone # still restricts incoming calls. I will mail a letter again this week (sent one a week 1/2 ago no response) I am soo heartbroken to have started a "reunion" with two very short f2f meetings, neither with just him and I. Now I have no way to contact him or to know what is happening in his life. I cannot stop thinking of him and all the emotions I had saved up in me for him. I have to be patient which is hard when that seems all I think about.It scares me that he has returned to the world of drugs. I cannot imagine not having contact with my children for long periods at a time.But I do not have any experience with drug addiction (if that is what he has returned to). What are the stats for drug abuse in adopted children especially when there were abuse problems in the a-family??

[Jackiejdajda]

curiositykitten

I had this same problem with my bmom she was switching phone service and for about a week she wasn't able to get incoming calls.

I gave you a rose gift and I gave tweg1 a rose gift and ended up giving you both the same message.. 'because reunion is difficult'..

And it is difficult..

tweg.. I would give him some time..
Drug addiction and reunion with the bson and bdaughter has been discussed here a lot..
Drugs are everywhere..

Take time..

Jackie

[tweg1]

Jackie Thanks for the Rose!!

My son called and left a voicemail He is still struggling but says he wishes to have another meeting just him and I. Unfortunatly I tried to call him back but I beleve he was working and it is not his phone he called from.
Oh the waiting game.

[djvj]

i'm so happy to hear your son contacted you. after reading all the posts on this my heart was breaking for you...BEST OF LUCK with this!!!! I share in your joy!

[tweg1]

Well I tried to call my son on the "phone that is not his" It has voice mail and I left a message three days ago and no response. It has been 9 days and it seems like a month. He has not returned my call or left another message. I am trying to be patient but it is sooo hard.I do not know how often to try to call. He never said how much to call. I soo want to spend time with him and get to know him... but it takes two. I hate the waiting and all the patience it takes.Did he get my message? Is he choosing not to answer? Why did he not call again????

[Jackiejdajda]

This is such a horrible time in reunion.. the not knowing almost killed me..

Jackie

[tweg1]

Well another week has come and gone and still silence from my son. I am trying to think of it as "One Day at a Time". It is What it is I cannot change that. I would love more (or any) contact. Even a long voicemail would be great. I so want to continue this reunion and starting to know each other. I like the song by Rascall Flatt My WishThat should be the theme song for birthparents everywhere.I would like to send him a copy of that song but not sure we are to that point since we have had only two very short F2F and one short phone call.I'm still deciding.

[Jackiejdajda]

One day at a time..

Its what gets me through.. If I am overwhelmed I just stay in the moment.. all I can do..

Jackie

[tweg1]

Well i have not heard from my bson since a voice message on Aug 3rd. I have not actully talked to him since July 12th. That is a very long time for me. In his message he said he may move somewhere for cheaper rent. Yikes! If he moves then I will not even have his address. I did send him a letter on the 21st but have not heard back from him yet. Mail from my house to his should take two days tops.
So still waiting and hoping.I have no idea what he is thinking or feeling about the whole reunion. One day at a time (except the One day seems like such a long day)