[sharkbetty]

Hi there,
After 10 years of searching my b-aunt has found me. The search was mutual. My bmom wants no contact - which I completely understand - I was given up anonymously after all. My b-aunt and 4 cousins know about me, and my 3 half siblings do not. My b-aunt helped raise my half siblings but became estranged from them years ago. BTW, I am 41 yrs old. My aunt is VERY eager to meet, and I've agreed to fly out there for 36 hours next weekend. I fear I am in the middle of some old family battle, and don't want to estrange my b-aunt from her sister further. I'm not as excited to meet the b-aunt as she is to meet me. I figured making the trip very short would be good in that if it were a weird situation, it would be for a very short time. B-aunt has been nothing short of very sweet ---- so what is freaking me out so much???? She's pretty old, and has given me some conflicting information - the reason I do want to meet is because I'm very interested in the family history. I just need a little hand-holding from some adopted veterans, I think??

[kakuehl]

What have you got to lose? This is an opportunity for you to find out about your family history. (Always remember the truth lies somewhere in the middle! Will your cousins be there? they can also provide corrections to you aunt's stories.) I think it's normal to be a little freaked out... this is uncharted territory.

[curiositykitten]

Originally Posted by kakuehl

What have you got to lose? This is an opportunity for you to find out about your family history. (Always remember the truth lies somewhere in the middle! Will your cousins be there? they can also provide corrections to you aunt's stories.) I think it's normal to be a little freaked out... this is uncharted territory.

I agree. What have you got to loose? You may end up having a really great time!

[kbranvik]

Just a note. I am a Birthmom and I would love to meet my son someday. Familys are made up of all sorts of characters. I hadn't told my son that I raised about my son I gave up for adoption until last year (he's 33). I was worried that it would add more hurt to his life knowing he had a brother. It was such a hard thing for me and back in the old days everything was so secret. I felt so free when I told him and he was so cool about it. I have 2 sisters. Both would love to meet him. One is wonderful and "normal?" My other sister I love with all my heart also but she has some problems. She has had severe back injuries that have left her addicted to pain medications. The pain is so severe that she can't not take the meds. If my son met her first, she would be tickled but he might be a little freaked out because she is out of it most of the time. If he met my other sister first, she would also be happy and he would be comfortable. I am sure your birthmom in her heart wants to meet you and know you but there was so much fear and shame that was put on unwed mothers. Some of it or all of it might have stuck. She also might be having complications in her life right now and may be overwhelmed. I say go for it, you'll get some family history and may get some insight. Leave yourself an out if it is too wierd. Stay at a hotel if you can so you can also take breaks and think. Be brave and philisophical about how imperfect life is. Get support from someone you love and trust. Blessings to you! Becky

[Dickons]

My mother had already passed away so my situation is different but my birth aunt was my first contact with my family and I love her simply for being open and wanting contact. We do seem to have many views in common and now that I am getting to know her better it is becoming so natual, like I have always known her. Consider yourself blessed and be open to the most amazing experience you will have ever known. The first face to face is truly surreal.

Let us know how it goes.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[sharkbetty]

Thank you all for your kind words!! Especially the b-mom that replied. Your response comforts me. My b-mom had 3 children already when I was born - she was widowed, and her children were small enough for her to keep me a secret. I understand her husband of 30 years also does not know about me. That really must be so hard on her knowing I was found. My a-family is completely UNsupportive, and I have kept this whole thing a secret. ANOTHER big secret added to all this - I feel I am betraying them, but they are old, and I do understand their position......thank you again!!! Any more kind words and advice are much appreciated!!!