[mygrl4meee]

I am a first mom or a birth mom, who has been told that my daughter wants to meet when she is 18 years old. Which has sent me into a panic, because if she wants to know who her bDad is, I can't give a last name.
I can tell her where I lived when I knew him, where he lived, that he was adopted himself. That he was about seven years older than me, although that is a guess. I know he had a state Id, and pretty sure he was of drinking age. I knew his last name, but he said he was Italian and I couldn't pronounce his last name, or knew his name when I seen it in writing. So I don't have a clue on his last name. If I close my eyes, I can see him. It wasn't a one night stand, but a relationship that shouldn't have happened because, I was 14 and he was too old to me with me. I remember telling him that I thought I was pregnant, but can't say for sure how long he was in my life after that.
I do know that he moved, and I soon moved after that. So even though he brushed me off when I said, I think I am pregnant by saying no your not. I can't say for how much longer, were we knowing where each other was.
I can tell her, he seen me at my job and talked to me on two different times right before I turned 18. That he was upset, that I put the baby up for adoption. I told him, that I didn't have much choice. I didn't give up any information, because I was worried maybe he could fight, because he never signed paperwork, I actully lied and said I was raped, I was too afraid of my parents to admit that I was having sex. I didn't name any names, and refused to talk about it.
It is eating me up wondering, did she grow up thinking she was a product of rape. I never told her parents any of that. I don't know if my mom passed on the information.
I can tell her that her Bdad said, that I wasn't the first to give up a child of his to adoption. I can tell her he was upset, to the point that I just wanted to get away because I was afraid of him. Not because he has hurt me, but he was so mad!
I am still in the same city, that I was when I knew him, but I haven't ran into him since right before I was 18 years old.
There is so much that I have just forgotten. I don't know if he would remember my last name at the time. So I suppose if he searches, maybe he can try and find me.
I went to the extent of looking through the whole phone book, looking at all the last names of his first name, which is how I came to see my daughters aparents in the book, which of course shocked me.
What got me thinking and trying to think of his name, is that he came to me in a dream, and was still mad, and I was telling him, that I was sorry.
Anyone have any great advice on how to figure this out. I don't think theres much that can be done. I am afraid my daughter is going to think, that I am shallow.
Well I have rambled enough for now.

[JustPeachy]

If you dont know his name, even after really trying to put the pieces together, I would just let it go. When and if your daughter is curious about him, you will just have to be honest and say you do not know his last name and provide her with what info you do know.

I think your dauther will not find you shallow. I mean, you were 14 and under the influence of someone much older. I think your daughter will understand.

[Jackiejdajda]

Truth.. honesty..

Maybe you can find him and get the name.

I don't have a name either and I had to tell my bson this on our first phone call..

Jackie

[Janeytwo]

Hey there! :-)

I think JustPeach and Jackie are right. Let it go for now unless your daughter brings it up, then you can be honest with her about what happened.

I also believe she'll understand when you explain the circumstances.

Hugs to you,

Janey

[mygrl4meee]

Maybe you can find him and get the name.



Jackie[/quote]

I don't have a clue on how to find him, except for scan crowds and see if I see a familiar face in the crowd.

My question is if he remembers my name, Can he find her by checking birth records, or would his best bet for him to find me. I am thinking of making a my space account in my maiden name. I think it's not a easy name to forget. It's in adveristing for a food chain.

[Jackiejdajda]

mygrl4meee

I don't have a clue on how to find him, except for scan crowds and see if I see a familiar face in the crowd.

My question is if he remembers my name, Can he find her by checking birth records, or would his best bet for him to find me. I am thinking of making a my space account in my maiden name. I think it's not a easy name to forget. It's in adveristing for a food chain.

That may work.. I think we can do the best we can..
I now know (because when I read posts by adoptees that don’t have a name) how important it is.. and I have terrible pangs of regret when I know how easy it would have been to write it down when I relinquished..

I think when we can say we are doing the best we can we can relax..

Jackie

[mygrl4meee]

I did a search on my space, with his name and the age range, I believe he is in, and I found a guy, that looks a lot like him, and the age is right.
Anyone know anything about my space? He made the account two years ago, do you or does my space edit the age? So if I say I am 32 when I joined, will it still say I am 32, say five years later?
I sent a message telling him he looked familiar and asked him where he lived in a specific year. He hasn't checked myspace since januaray. Do you get notified any other way, if someone is trying to contact you?

I am not 100% because it has been a long time, and people change. But my husband isn't happy, that I want to see him face to face, before I give out and accept any information, that is after I am pretty sure it's him. I told him he could come with, but would perfer to speak in private. But I would do it anyway he felt most ok with.
I am going to attempt to take a break, and get my mind off this adoption topic, because it's driving me crazy. But I will check back, because I need the support here, but got to find a common ground for everyone.

[Sherr34]

I know some about my space. You are the only one that can edit your own page. You are the one that can change your own pics too. But when your age changes that is something that is automatically done. also if he responds and you have a myspace account you will be notified through your regular email that you have a new message in your myspace email

[Jackiejdajda]

mygrl4meee

I am not 100% because it has been a long time, and people change. But my husband isn't happy, that I want to see him face to face, before I give out and accept any information, that is after I am pretty sure it's him. I told him he could come with, but would perfer to speak in private. But I would do it anyway he felt most ok with.

I think my husband would have been upset if I had of gone looking.. for the man that I am sure fathered my bson..

Jackie

[sstuart]

That could be an interesting thread. Would your DH or SO be upset if you wanted to find the man who fathered your birthchild?

My DH is all about finding him and is willing to help any way he can.

[mygrl4meee]

I am looking for the man who fathered my birth child. I can picture him in my head, but just can't remember his last name, I couldn't even say his last name. So I guess it never stuck, and as a 14 year old, I didn't know how important it would be do remember his name. I did do the cutsy stuff writing his name out, because I thought I loved him. But I just can't remember.
I just want to be able to pass him information on if she wants to know. But I don't think there is much more that I can do. I do think it's a good chance, that I found him on my space, but I can't be sure. I sent a message and he hasn't wrote back yet.
I will admit that part of me, wants to shake him and ask him, where was he? But that is old news. My memory of that time isn't the best, we moved when I was pregnant. So there is a chance, that he couldn't find me.
All I can do now is wait.

[morningstar123]

Since you still live in the same area, go to the library and ask for either an old TELEPHONE book from the year your daughter was born or a CITY DIRECTORY/also known as a Criss-Cross Directory for that year.

If you get the CITY Directory, look up the street you think he lived on then. You should see the names of the people living on that street. His first name may not show up but his last name will, with his parents' names.

Or look in the OLD telephone book -- first under the name of the guy on MySpace. If there is a family of that same name, look at the address and see if it looks right.

Also, even if he was older than you, if you think he went to high school -- see if you can find an old yearbook from the year you think he might have graduated. Some schools keep a copy in their school library, other places it is in the public library or you can find people on classmates who went to the same high school at the same time.

There are quite a few ways.

Hope this helps!

[mygrl4meee]

Morningstar,

When I met him, he was living with friends in one of those apartments with just a bed, and small kitchen and bathroom. I can't think what those are called. He didn't work, so I think that had something to do with us losing contact, I am guessing, he had to move. So I am not sure if his name was registered and there was no phone. I had never seen or did he talk about his parents, he did mention that he was adopted.
You gave some great idea's to try to locate him. I had thought about looking through old year books, and thought about using classmates.com but it seems like you have to be a member of that class to see names.
As of right now, I am going to wait and see what happens with the my space guy. The first name matches, and there isn't a last name. I am pretty close to be sure that it is. I know it's only been a few days, so trying to be patient and see. My biggest fear is that he is in jail.
I start college in a few weeks, so I don't have the time, to do anything else. but I will keep these suggestions in mind, if nothing comes out of the message, I sent to him on my space.
I do have a year to figure this out. Thanks for all the help.

[Janeytwo]

Mygrl - If you have a name and he is in jail, maybe you could get the info on where he's at from the Department of Corrections in your State.

Just a thought.

Janey

[mygrl4meee]

I don't have a last name to search under, I would have to search pictures and I don't think you can just look through pictures.
I am probably jumping to the gun saying he might be in jail, it's not a crime to not check email, that often. So will wait and see for now.