[wheresmyoj]

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So I sent my contact letter and within three days received a phone call.... from my POTENTIAL birth-grandfather's 5th wife.

So it turns out my biological grandmother was an alcoholic floozy whom he divorced after catching her in bed with his best friend. She died in 1987, when I was 6, because she was drunk and fell off a bar stool at the age of 46. So, sadly, I'm still at a stand still with my past as her behavior gives this man a 50/50 shot at being related to me.

Like I said, I didn't even speak with him, he doesn't like talking on the phone. His wife said that he was off and on excited about my letter but "if she's looking for money, we ain't got any." Cute.

So, now that I know, I don't really want to know more. I spoke with this woman for well over an hour but as she's a stranger to me I wasn't really interested in just talking with her- she seemed more interested in talking with me then he was (just an assumption...) but by her gossipy tone I feel that she may have been excited to learn a little something something to talk about.

Though the odd part was this: My biological grandmother had 4 children with this man (though I feel this is up in the air considering the reason for their divorce) and gave them all up for adoption. The eldest was raised how I was, by her grandparents; the second oldest is my birthmother; the third child was adopted by her father's sister and lives in Maine with 2 children (my cousins) while the third, the only boy, is a religious fanatic out west, adopted by a minister and his family.

Now the really odd part is that his wife knew of all the other children but my birthmother. For some reason she was a secret.

I was a little upset upon learning about this. But honestly, I feel like it made me appreciate my upbringing even more. While I don't always see things eye-to-eye with the people who raised me, I think they are good people and did their best.

So, yea. I'm not sure where to go from here. I was reading some more about adoptees and such and now feel that I should write a letter in regard to whom my birthfather is to my birthmother that I don't have a relationship with in any way. This should go over well.

[kakuehl]

My dear, your story is quite a tangled one! I read through your blog and I'm not sure I have the details sortd out yet!

A couple thoughts... I don't know that you can make your bmom face her family of origin. She seems to deal with her past by denying it. (If I don't face the past it doesn't exist.) Unfortunately, she won't be whole unless she does. I suppose you could ask potential birthgrandpa for a paternity test... (Sounds like you'd have to pay for it.)

Did your bmom list a birth father on your birth certificate? Do you think she will tell you the truth if you ask her? It doesn't sound like you have much to lose in your relationship with her right now.

Obviously, I don't have much advice for you, but I wanted you to know someone read your post and is thinking of you!

[MixedBliss]

Originally Posted by wheresmyoj

....So it turns out my biological grandmother was an alcoholic floozy whom he divorced after catching her in bed with his best friend. She died in 1987, when I was 6, because she was drunk and fell off a bar stool at the age of 46.

That's....amazing. I hope you have a sense of humour about it.


(Really like your blog, too)

[wheresmyoj]

Yea, I have a good sense of humor. I find it ironic.

Remember kids... Alcohol kills!

[Lillyanya]

Nothing really to add except I like your blog!