[feelingconfused]

Hello everyone,

This is my first time using an online forum and I am a little nervous, but here it goes.

We are searching for my husbands birth parents he was born in Minneapolis MN 08-03-69. We started the search about 15 months ago when we came across this website where we found a women searching for a son she gave up for adoption with the same birth place and dob. So we braved the contact letter a very basic contact letter. No tried serveral emails through the site again no answer, no idea if she even gets the email.

So now my questions: Why would someone post that they are looking and then when someone responds to them not respond back? Now my husband is no longer interested in looking mainly out of disappointment and afraid of more rejection.

Remember this is not a for sure connection we were just letting her know that we saw her posting and that we had a lot of things that matched. So we asked first off if she had found her son and if not is she interested in exploring whether or not my husband and her were a match.

So where do we go from here? As you all know who are familiar with this site once your a member and searching you can get access to what the other person has posted for information like address, phone # and access to email (not sure she gets them tho).

What is the next step?

Sign Feeling Confused

[kdecrow]

It could very well be that she has changed her email address. Do you have this lady's name? I've got some database accounts and would be happy to look for you.

PM me if you want to pursue it.

Good Luck!
Kim

[feelingconfused]

Yes the one on the website might have changed.

We do have her physical address and phone number and I believe I even found her personal email.

I just don't want to push her, as we know this is a very fragil situation and if she isn't my husbands biomom then a bad encounter my dicourage her from continuing her search and us as well.

I just wish I knew if she even got the letter or emails and if she wants to pursue this. If not then why wouldn't she remove her post?

Thanks

[Jackiejdajda]

I allowed confusion to control my search in the beginning.. Don't let it happen..

I had changed my email address.. I was three years into posting my bsons information and my email and his DOB etc..and I left the Internet provider that had my email address posted in the search sites.. and I forgot....

I went on so many places and I did not keep a record.. so I could not go back and re-trace my steps..

I was lucky.. I was able to reinstate my old email address (I did it on a fluke as I wanted to find an old friend).. and he wrote me a week or so later asking me if I was who I was..

Trust me if she has put her search info out there.. she wants to know..

Go for it!

Jackie

[feelingconfused]

I understand that she may have forgotten where she has posted search information, but we also sent a letter about 12 months ago no reply.

I did find her email address and was brave enough to email a direct contact letter yesterday but it turns out that it is not longer valid.

I have a second letter that we've been holding onto for months now, once again not brave enough to send for fear of no reply.

I feel the first letter was very basic, just wondering if she would want to pursue verifing that she is my husbands birthmom and then go from there.

Do we even bother with a second letter?

[curiositykitten]

Isn't it possible too if her email address isn't good then her physical address might not be good either?

Can you try to reverse look up the phone number and see if it listed in her name?

I was given an address for my biomom at one point and it was the wrong address she had moved from there but several websites still listed it as her home address.

[feelingconfused]

I've verified her mailing address and telephone number, I just don't want to push. I am a mother of 3 and can't even begin to imagine

I do believe her email address has changed since she posted her search in 2003. As of this morning I was able to locate a new email address so we will go from here.

Question: We sent a letter to her home about a year ago, how long before you send a second letter.

FYI she is married and has 2 grown child who do not live at home.

Thanks for all the suggestions and encouragment.

[snuffie]

If she had posted her info at one time that must mean she is searching. I would try sending the 2nd letter but send it (I can't remember the name) so that you get a receipt when it is delivered.

Also, if you have found an address or phone number on a web site - like white pages etc., it still may not be valid. I've found addresses of people who have been deceased for a few years still on some of those web sites.

If there is no answer to this 2nd letter, I would give it a month or so and try calling. That way you will know for sure if it is the right person.

And another thought. She may have found her son and even though some of the info. matches your husband she may not be his bmom. Also, she may have been ill - oh there are so many scenarios.

I wish you the best of luck. I've been there and done that. Sometimes its a "waiting game" and other times there are false leads.

Snuffie

[feelingconfused]

We are confident with the contact information, it's all been verified excempt the email address. We've even seen her house, but until you can confirm she is his biomom we are not going to just drop in.

It is possible that she found her son we did mention in the first letter that if she had already found him if she would just let us know so that we can move on.

We may send a second letter, but we've decide that a phone call is not an option for us.

I just keep thinking what if my husband turns out to be her son and she missed it.

Thanks again

[feelingconfused]

Just wanted to note that in my previous post I noted that we've seen her house.

It's by accident, turns out that where we go to business meetings it's near her house, so we avoid going into local businesses. I guess for fear of seeing your self in the local gas station.

The last time we went to a meeting we stayed in a different town. The meeting should be by chance to much emotion and surprise, we feel it should be planned and wanted.

We are taking a break and we hope this biomom with the same information posted either has found her son or is content with how things are and we just have to believe she has and respect her space. Because if we ever do make contact it's important that our space is respected in the future.

Thanks for now

[Jackiejdajda]

The negative thinking is what takes us out in reunion..

It stops us from searching for our 'selves'..

I do not see anything wrong with going up to this womans door and asking her.. I know I would have loved to have that happen.. I used to sit on my porch and wish for this to happen..

She has never indicated that she wanted 'no contact'.. she has searched..

I say do it now.. and stay out of the doubts..

Jackie