[Jennasmom1990]

I am a bmom, and my reunion story is listed under...5 weeks into reunion...

Here is another new issue I find myself presented with this morning. My bdaughter is having fits with me b/c she feels like I am keeping her out of the family loop. My husband and I are going through the process of adopting a baby girl and things look as if they might fall apart. Well, when I sat down to tell my bdaughter she had a fit, b/c I knew for several hours before I told her. However, I had not spoken to her at all during that period of time. I told her the first chance I got to tell her.

How does a bmom know how much family info to pass onto the bchild and what to hold back? My bdaughter wants very much to be a part of our family, and we want that as well. But when contact is limited to what her wants and needs are how do you just call and say hey I think tht there is something going wrong in the family. Also there is a huge part of me that isnt sure what to tell her and not tell her b/c I have no way of knowing how the info will affect her. She is extremely immature emotionally and I am afraid of giving her more than she can handle. So what do you do in this case? And this is not the first loop she has felt left out of. It can be anything from my meltdowns to something as big as this adoption. I just never really know when to "protect" from the info and when to just give it to her and hope for the best. Any suggestions?

[txrnr]

I'm not a birthmom, or in reunion, and I'm 40, so that doesn't make me much help but...

I think your daughter is at the age where she feels she is the center of the universe, and it's hard for most teens to realize that other people may have lives, issues, or concerns of their own. (I teach H.S. and am always amused by kids and their perspectives)

Toss in that your daughter wants to be included and is several hundred miles away, it makes it tough. Maybe you can set some ground rules, just like you would with your raised kids. She'll find out things when they do. There may be issues that you and your husband need to sort through first. Keep reassuring her that she is part of the family and if you had raised her, and she was off at college, the events most likely would have unfolded the same way.

Good luck!