[Sherr34]

I have been in contact with my birth mother for two months now and in 7 weeks I will meet her and my half brother for the first time. I am nervous and excited about this. I dont know what to expect. I am not expecting the world as I know who is my family and that is the family that God gave to me. I am looking to meet her and get aquainted with her. As far as my half brother I am looking to meet him but if he wants a friendship it will have to be on his terms.

My mother and Dad and my husband will get to meet her as well.

[ReOcB42008]

Congratulations! good luck, be yourself and ENJOY! Hugs - PJ

[vsmith]

That is awesome! Did you use a search angel or how did it all go about?

[rubornn61]

You Go Girl!! Only six weeks left now!! Have a great time.

[kune]

Sherr
Reunion is wonderful. That first meeting is just as difficult to imagine for both your bfamily and you. I know...I'm a birthmom who met my son after 33 years of wondering and hoping for far too long.

Understand your bmom will be just as nervous as you - just as excited too I should imagine. By now you have probably got a "feel" for the person you are meeting. I presume you have swapped basic information about your life and your families. Having a birthbrother to add to the mix is special.

Going into a face-to-face meeting, don't try and pre-guess what will happen. Just let it happen. To get to that stage you both must feel pretty good about the other. Without minimising the emotions involved, believe it will be fun. You have the rest of your life to get through the "heavy stuff". Concentrate on the amazing beauty of the occasion and that special place you both have in each other's hearts.

It's the days after meeting when all the insecurities start coming to the fore. How much contact do we want? Is too much once a week? once a month? or whenever I want to speak to her? (and visa versa). Don't leave the questions unanswered. Communicate - ask her. If you can establish that communication early you will make it easier for each other. Without accurate questioning you will be left to pre-guess (and chances are you will work yourself into an emotional rag-doll because you will never know how the other is feeling).

And breathe. Be a good listener. Think positively. When things get tense...walk. Walk off tension, don't overthink every little thing, and have realistic expectations.

I know...all easy to say but a lot harder to do.

Read reunion books - they give you perspective and some idea of what to do and what to expect.

Enough from me........every reunion is different. Each coming together of mother's and relinquished child (now adult) is very personal. Try to find some time so the two of you can be alone With your parents and hubby present this could be hard to do but it's something you will both need.

Wishing you everything that's possible.

Ann

[Sherr34]

Kune,
Thanks for the post. My Aparents are only going to be at the first meeting. I will be with her for 2 days as i live in MD and she lives in Wi. I am going home for a week and then I will meet her for a couple of days. The second day it will only be my husband and I.

This is exciting and nervous all at the same time.

My 35th birthday is Wednesday and I will meet her 6 weeks after that.

[kune]

Sheree
At 35 was it a consious wait to find your Mom? Do you think you needed to be secure in your self of who you were before making contact? Do you think she is very much like you - (same humor or same thought patterns? Can you see the similarities in habits or life paths? Do you already feel an intrinsic bond to this relative stranger?

Isn't it amazing that you are going to meet a women who created you, and yet you are like strangers, but have an intrinsic thread that connects you?

Life is sometimes harsh, but it's also amazing how the human emotions can be so strong and so dominant that people living miles, continents and states apart find a way to reconnect in a loving manner. Amazing!!!!

Enjoy it all. After all the nerves and newness has disappeared, I felt so flat. That emotional rush is worth the rollercoaster ride and the prize at the other end is, I hope, lifelong and life-defining.

Ann

[Sherr34]

actually the reason for the wait was because i didnt want to hurt my parents for they are my mom and dad. My husband is the one that inspired me to do the search. I look alot like she does and that is wild. I know where I get my persistance from. When I first called her a couple of months ago she said something to me and I would have said it the same way she said it to me. She said ok we need to talk about when we can meet. I would have said it the same way.

[jrainbow]

Congratulations on a successful search and good luck for a great reunion. I met my bmom last year - and the f2f was awesome - scary, exciting, amazing. It was like I was in a daze. I'm glad there was another person there when we met - because I have pictures. And every time I look at them I remember that first moment.

I didn't read any of the reunion books before I met her - not enough time, met her 4 weeks after we first talked. But I wish I had ... it would have helped me prepare for all the emotion. I'm not an emotional person, so I was shocked at myself. It is a good thing you are going to have some alone time - just you and her.

One thing to remember is that no matter how you feel, or what it is like, it is fine. Reunion is intensely personal and everyone seems to react differently. So enjoy the moments!

Again best wishes.
Jill

[shell50]

I have just met my bmom last weekend, I am 51, and contacted her 9 weeks ago. I met her, my 2 half sisters, 2 nieces, a nephew and my half brother (although I met half brother 4 weeks ago). It was totally surreal, not what i expected. They were all really nice,but, we are strangers. They all live 4 hours away, and half way to visit them i wanted to go home!!! I had a fantastic childhood, loved and cherished by my whole adoptive family. i grew up as an only child, and both my adoptive parents are dead. It's a question of nurture/nature. I felt really weepy when I got home. Not sure what will happen from here on. I am sure if I wanted to be part of their family they would be happy. It has made me miss my adoptive mum even more.
It was a good experience, but, because i never thought it would happen I need time to think.
I wish you luck and hope it brings you all you are looking for.
Shelley

[kune]

shell
I think I had the same reaction after my first face to face. Like...."Where to now? I have no need for a family as such....but I'd like this person in my life....to see if it fits..to see if we can enhance each other's lives...Is it too late to start now".

I found time sorted most of those questions out. Once we met, there was an expectation (by both of us) that a friendship would form over time. This has eventuated. I think we both have different levels of emotion. (I don't expect my son to love me in the same familiar way as I love him. He had just found me. I spent 33 years loving him in my head and heart so there's no way I can change how I feel .....but I don't expect him to feel those same "mother" emotions.) Honestly, prior to meeting, I doubt any of us know what our expectations are or should be going into reunion.

All I know now (7 years later) is that it is possible for two adults to have a relationship that is healthy, healing and kind of spiritual. He's part of me.....and yet he's someone elses son. He feels intrinsically attached, has little need for a mother, but together we have a friendship that is something special. I can't explain it, other than saying....we complete each other...and that sounds rather trite in the circumstances. To get to this place we had to really make an effort to communicate - regularly - openly - and honestly.

He has contact with his 1/2 siblings (they get along fine) and he is in contact with his birthfather. I've met his sister and parents and like them as people (love them for what they did for bson).

I hope you too get all you are looking for. It doesn't happen overnight, or in a week, month or even a year. All good things take time so take it slowly...one step at a time...and remember you can't be loved by too many people (and visa versa)

Ann

[jrainbow]

Ann, how touching and just the right words. Thank you for sharing. Jill

[guntli_1]

Cool. I am currently waiting information from San Mateo County in California on the whereabouts of my birth mom
My wife and I are excited about the news.