[Angeleak1]

Has anyone been through this? I was recently in contact with my birthmother, I met her we have sent each other some cards. I had been searching for her for at least 15 years. I thought I'd be alot more into the reunion then I am. I feel like I have a hangover. I had this fantasy like she was going to be "Mother Earth" and had her up on this pedestal for all these years. Don't get me wrong, I am so greatful that I have finally found her! I just think I was expecting some instant Mother/Daughter bond and it wasn't there right away. I think my expectations were way too high. I think 15 years of searching have finally caught up with me. I really don't want to sound ungrateful to all the people searching for family members. I'm just looking for a validation of my feelings. Thanks

[escottswanson]

I think its pretty common, its impossible to sustain that much mental energy indefinitely.

unfortunately after 13 years of searching, I found my first mom had died 13 years ago... but I understand about the pedastal thing, somehow in my mind I had really built her up and reality was quite a bit different.

I found my bio half brother though and I had never expected to so we're just starting from scratch. Its been less than a month though, so I'm not sure where it will go... but I think its easier for siblings to identify with each other too, we'll see.

Best of luck to you, just remember to take it easy and be thankful that you are still both alive and have time to work things out

[JustPeachy]

I am not yet in reunion, but hoping to move in that direction. My situation is different, and perhaps somewhat easier, as I've had a semi-open arrangement and have exchanged letters/photos with my son and his parents over the years. So there is not so much of a mystery! I'm sure there are still fantasies or expectations that each of us have and that will have to be ironed out. I'm trying not to have too high or unrealistic expectations, but sometimes it's hard not to get carried away. I would imagine after a long search, finally meeting your bmom, although exciting, could also be anti-climatic. It's like all the excitment and energy was put into the seach and now the search is over and you had this different picture of what it would feel like which is different from the reality. Reunions are so different and unique for everyone, it seems! We can prepare for different scenarios and hope for the best, but beyond that, I'm not sure what else can be done, and the first meeting is only the beginning!