[mariarippy]

16 years ago I met my mom. I asked her right away if I could call her "mom." She said she would be honored if I called her mom. I took a while before used it with her. ravensong

it is my son's right to address me in any way he wishes, as long as it's respectful, lol!

Are you loling because its funny to say respectful and or true but you need to be light hearted because he was raised well(wouldn't behave in that manner)? I found my half brother and half sister a lot more disrespectful with mom. Saying b**$%, fat b**$%, and more. I could take up argument with my sister. My brother on the other hand I could only be quietly outraged. He is an overwhelming presence. My abrother also was very disrespectful with my aparents and I'd learned a lesson. Don't go against your brother without getting a beat down.
Anyway...Mom introduced me as Maria. Maybe once she introduced me as her daughter. I imagine now I/we are nothing anymore.

[RavenSong]

Originally Posted by mariarippy

ravensong Are you loling because its funny to say respectful and or true but you need to be light hearted because he was raised well(wouldn't behave in that manner)?

Maria, when I wrote, "that it is my son's right to address me in any way he wishes, as long as it's respectful, lol," I was trying to point out that I don't care if my son addresses me by my first name or as Mom, as long as he doesn't call me any derogatory terms, at least to my face. I treat everybody in my life with respect, and I expect the same in return. I do not put up with bad language directed at me from anybody in my family, including my son.

[bprice215]

The fact that your asking is enough proof that your concern is of your bmom. Call her what you want to call her, but keep calling her. Honesty is the best policy.
bprice215

[jrainbow]

Loveis,
My bmom only had 1 child, me - and we met last year after 50 years. After a few months, I called her mom - mostly in cards. I usually use her first name when talking to her, but I decided that I'm the only person who can call her mom and she truly earned and deserved it. My aparents are both gone so there are no loyalty issues.

My aparents are always Mom and Dad. But it pleases bmom to be refered to as mom and that pleases me. I will probably always go back and forth. I don't feel that way about bdad. He has other children so he is already dad to someone.

[shell50]

I have been reunited with my bmom now for 6 weeks, and will never call her Mom, she is Lynda. I don't think she would expect me to call her Mom as I had a great Mom in my life, and that was not her. I hope we will become friends but she was not there while I grew up and I see her as almost a surrogate that gave me the chance of a better life. We speak on the phone now as friends already,but, we are strangers and saying Mom would be wrong for me. Hope that helps...
Shelley

[Searching_4_Her]

Hey guys! Well, i will actually go on 3/27/08 to get to open all my adoption records and find out my bmom's name! Yea! Since i have gone 23 years and not known her as anything other than "birthmom", i'm inclined to believe that i might WANT to call her 'mom'. There's a name difference for me though. My amom was 'Mama'. It's kind of like having mulitple sets of grandparents, you know? Some you call one name and you call another by a different name. It all boils down to knowing that you can call them by something that feels right to you though. If my bmom feels weird by me calling her 'mom', then i guess i would call her what she desires to be called. It all depends. By the way, does anybody have any advice i can get? I'm so nervous about opening my records, because there's a letter and a photo in them for me. What does that mean? Does it mean my bmom loved(s) me and maybe will want contact or is it 'this is me in the pic, and this is me telling you the info you will eventually want, so that you don't come looking for me.' I keep PRAYING that she may want to know me, but I don't feel that she may want to. I've searched all over the internet and have come up with nothing. Has she never searched for me? I have so many emotions right now. If someone has any advice, it'd be appreciated! God Bless!

[kakuehl]

Ok, Searching... Here goes!

1st: Breathe!!!! deep, slow, long breaths... in and out! (VERY IMPORTANT!)

2nd: How wonderful that you know that a letter and a photo are waiting for you. It will most likely tell you what your birth mom was feeling when she placed you. While I can't guarantee that she wants to meet you, the fact that they are waiting for you expresses a hope that you will come looking.

3rd: many of us who relinquished the legal rights to our children were told, or believed, that we had no right to search. Therefore we wait! There are actually many reasons that can keep us from searching: guilt, fear of rejection, secrecy, lack of internet access (believe it or not, there are still people out there who don't use computers!)

I personally was always open to contact but didn't think it was right to invade his life! I was ready to welcome him... btw, I got over it, and when I seriously began to search found him through this site because he had registered several years before. I have to tell you though that he was never a secret from my family and people I cared about.

I hope your letter is reassuring and your birth mom wants to meet/know you.

[lvnlfe]

To Dani and Love is!!!

I am also a Birthmom in reunion. My daughter mainly calls me by my first name, and I am ok with this. I can't make her call me Mom, because she does have one whom raised her. There was a couple of ocassions where by said hey Mom, and to be honest, it made me feel on top of the world, just because she acknowledged me as that, but I don't expect it. I feel it should be your call whether you fell comfortable or not.

If you do, you may want to say to your Bmom, that is has to be your choice. Sometimes you may want to say Mom or call her by her first name, but it should be your choice. I don't feel it should be forced upon.

Hope this helps!!!

[Searching_4_Her]

Kathy,

Thanks! That breathing thing helps! I've tried to sit down and really think about my feelings...what i feel and why i feel it. I feel more excited than anything i guess, because until i read what's there, there's still hope that she wants to know me. My second emotion is i think fear of rejection from her, u know , that i was a mistake to be hidden. But, there's no proof of that yet, so i've decided to try to think positive! I'm counting down the hours! Everyone please pray for peace for me on Thursday morning at 11am eastern time, because that's what time i'll actually sit down and open my records! Thank you in advance! *hugs*

~*LEAH*~

[Jo Ellen]

I have been reunited with my 1st parents for two years and the first time my 1st mom and I met we both felt an instant bond. I began by calling her by her name for the first many months of our reunion. Then one day while talking with my 1st dad on the phone he was giving the phone to her and he said....well here's your momma. It was at that point that I realized if he is saying that then it must be something that is okay for me to do. I didn't begin calling her mom right away but began by sending her emails and using this....her name ~ Dear Sweet Mother or Sweet Mom....then as a few months went by I dropped her name and used mom. By Christmas of that year a few months later she had signed my Christmas card... Love, Mom and Dad. From that point forward they have been Mom and Dad to me and that has been since Christmas of 2006. I just think it all depends on what everyone is comfortable with and I know she needed time to process the idea and feel validated to call herself my mom.

[LiquidGlass]

I am in reunion with my B-son 4 years in August. He calls me by my first name and that is okay with me. I do not need to be called "Mom" . Just having him call me every week and having him in my life is more than I need.

[susanasully]

I can see from other replies that most adoptees have mixed feelings, at best, about calling anyone other than the woman who raised them Mom. I felt the same way when I was reunited with my BMom. I called her Gail. My AMom was always my Mom, and always will be. But then I met my sisters, and I felt weird referring to her as Gail to them. So with them I call her Mamma (they're from the South, I'm a diehard Yankee). Then one day my sister wasn't getting a quick enough response from our mutual mother when she called her "Mom," so she hollered "GAIL!" and got a response. Very funny, and I am thankful we can joke about it. But I know my BMom loves it when I call her Mamma. She signs her cards to me "Mom." My AMom refers to my BMom as my other Mom. Or just my mother. It drives other people who don't understand our relationships crazy, like they feel the need to feel offended for my AMom...as if she needs others to speak up for her. That really makes no sense, does it? I'm so thankful for both of my Moms even if somtimes the semantics are wacky and confusing!

[Mockingbird]

I am in reunion (5 months). I have signed emails and left phone messages with my first name. My son asked me what to call me and I told him that he could call me by my first name or mom; and that I would be thrilled if he wanted to call me mom, but that it was up to him as to what he felt comfortable with.

[echox]

I am not in a reunion yet but I don't think I would use the M word. I haven't thought about what to say or how to address her.

[JustPeachy]

Whatever my son is comfortable calling me is fine, but if he did refer to me as "mom," I'd be thrilled! I would never want to be called his "parent," since I did not raise him, but I do feel that I am his mother as well as his a-mom. We are just mothers in different ways, but I do feel we can share the title, if my son so desires. His parents have already referred to me as his mom, which is very cool, but I'm not sure at this point how my son feels. When/if I hear from him directly, I will find out, but whatever he wants to call me is ok with me.