[Heathermq]

After growing up, always knowing I was adopted, with wonderful aparents i happened upon information my bmom had posted with the state. Not really sure of what I wanted from her (other than my birth story) I made the call. She had been waiting a long time to hear from me and was glad. I discovered she was not the horrible person I had envisioned that didn't want her own child. She confirmed that my bdad didn't have anything to do with her or me and that his family probably never knew about me. She made it out that my concepton was a drunken teenage mistake but while speaking to her husband he made it sound like a rape situation that she didn't want to tell me about. I know that if you tell yourself a lie enough times it becomes easy to believe it yourself. My question is- How can I know the truth about my conception? Should I just leave it with what she tells me? Has anyone else contacted a bparent that never had anything to do with you? Not even sign away his rights. We will meet face to face tomorrow and will be spending a whole evening just the two of us. Please if someone could give me a idea of what to expect. Ever since the very first conversation we have not talked about the past and it is hard for me to bring it up since it is so uncomfortable. Any ideas of topics to talk about and the different things that you other adoptees wanted from a reunion. I have found that maybe for me it would have been easier to never know. I have worked very hard my whole life to pretend like I was like everyone else and haven't thought about these issues much. thanks-

[Jackiejdajda]

She made it out that my conception was a drunken teenage mistake but while speaking to her husband he made it sound like a rape situation that she didn't want to tell me about. I know that if you tell yourself a lie enough times it becomes easy to believe it yourself. My question is- How can I know the truth about my conception? Should I just leave it with what she tells me?

I would.. My story changed through the years of my recovery from the trauma of giving a baby up for adoption..
First it was the agencies fault.. then my moms fault.. and then someone else’s fault..
It took me a long time.. to turn around and face my truths..
What I told my husband in the beginning changed..

Rape is easy to say when someone says.. How could you do that? How could you give a baby up?
I could say rape on terms of my bson.. but now I know the truth.. the man wanted sex and I did not say no..
Whether I wanted it or not is not part of this..
I did not love him.. that’s a given.. but my bson was not conceived in a violent situation..

Has anyone else contacted a bparent that never had anything to do with you? Not even sign away his rights. We will meet face to face tomorrow and will be spending a whole evening just the two of us. Please if someone could give me a idea of what to expect.

Give him the benefit of the doubt.. think good thoughts..
I think all of us have had sex when we did not want it.. but that is not rape.. not to me..

Ever since the very first conversation we have not talked about the past and it is hard for me to bring it up since it is so uncomfortable. Any ideas of topics to talk about and the different things that you other adoptees wanted from a reunion. I have found that maybe for me it would have been easier to never know. I have worked very hard my whole life to pretend like I was like everyone else and haven't thought about these issues much.

Stay in the moment.. stay in the day.. get to know him..
If negative thinking comes up.. put it away..

Jackie